Tuesday Jan 19, 2021
Ascension for Women & Regeneration: Emotional and Mental Healing Subliminal (Using Masked Subs w/headphonnes)
1:28 Finished first listen of Ascension for Women. Have a strange tingle in my left hand?
!:30 1st listen start of Emotional and Mental Healing
2:31… Sobbing into my coffee
2:40 Break Time
4:51 Trying Ascension for Women again while cooking dinner
5:41 Enough for the day after crying more. Could hear my dad singing you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away…
I stopped listening to the sub yet I’m still hearing my dad in my head singing to me like I’m 3!
Edit: Was awake at 4am after having strange dreams that I weren’t sure were real or not, but also, that’s not a new development.
Day 2 6am
6:20 Have to go hold down the fort at work today, not a good idea to listen before work!!!
Will listen this evening when the monster comes to take my youngest son away for 3 hours!!!
The fact he has brought me down so low that I actually HATE someone is horrid in itself! People use the word hate so easily… but I suppose love gets slung around like nothing also!
Day 2 1/20.2021
Listened to both 1 loop, more crying. Ended up calling my sister and apologizing to her because I feel responsible she’s broke. She’s wondering wtf is wrong with me because I’m sobbing and saying it’s all my fault.
I think she thinks I’ve lost it because she said you couldn’t have seen this Covid coming…
Well, yeah, if II would have been meditating like normal, I would have seen it. My third eye has been open since we were young. I think my grandma was a real seer because she lived with us until I was 12 and around age 5 I started having visions. I went to tell her, and she hushed me saying we don’t all about our visions.
It didn’t help one of my younger friends was found dead in his house yesterday am. I did actually see that coming! It was how fast it happened that stunned me. I told my sister I’m so out of focus! Oddly, when I can see nothing, she gets visions. It’s the only time she does. She can sense when I’m in distress because when she sees through her third eye, she knows I can’t.
This is going to be a long process if I have to go back to my childhood, which seems to be the case.
Skipped
Friday & Saturday Because of Company
Sunday 1/24/2021
Have been listening on and off all day (3.39atm)
Feel just awful and still crying a lot.
Feel shamed that I let my sister and I lose our entire inheritance over a husband who never even loved me.
Her and her family are having to give up their house and move, they can’t afford it anymore…and it’s all my fault no matter what she says!
1/25
Last night was terrible…no sleep! I kept hearing the screams of my mother when my older twin brothers were killed in a car accident when I was 17!
I was feeling an out of body experience, like actually being present when the accident happened! I remember beggin my dad to take me with him to go see, but he went alone.
I already had seen it…
My grandma told me at 5 we don’t talk about our visions.
Them and their girlfriends were killed on impact, hit head on by a drunk driver who had crossed trough the grass on the interstate.
There were no brake marks on either car, which police told my father they probably never knew what hit them…
I’m just feeling so awful 
1/26
I finally was able to meditate, and I actually said already what the answer is…
All these years i’ve been in charge
No one told me what to do
No one underestimated me
No one dared to cross me…
Honest to a blunt fault
Unbreakable…
Now
Broken… but not shattered…
Time to re-gain my powers
It’s time to clean up all the mess!
1/27
Didn’t sleep much last night.
Seems my sight is wide open again since the asshole is gone…I always had a hunch he was blocking my view!
He is really not having a hard time at all! He’s just enjoying life, making money the fly way still even though he has a job.
It’s all on me all these emotions because his were never for real.
Today has been difficult for certain…it doesn’t help he gets my kids for 3 hours this evening! Well, one kid actually, he could give a fuck about my other, just has been lying to him since he was 9 years old.
My lawyer keeps telling me I have to get on with my life
I’m freaking trying!!! He said to leave it to him and he’ll make sure he’s miserable for the rest of his life! My great Italian lawyers! LOL!
Today I’ve been particularly reclusive. I have no desire to talk to anyone at all!
I did talk to my sister a good while last night tho, telling her I still have the house we grew up in, I can sell it and maybe we can restart mamas business again and I’ll put money into dads considering we’re all still eating because of that one…
She’s unsure…she is the nicest freaking person ever and even she sounds defeated.
I’m trying to put together some kind of self care routine, but haven’t figured it out yet since there’s so much on the plate.
just wandering aimlessly today.
I really can’t afford to purchase any other subs atm…so I’m just gonna have to tough this one out, maybe at some point the Ascention for Women will start to overpower Regeneration, but after my morning waste of 5 hours, it may be awhile!
