I read in " The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma’ that the best moment to try to deal with your past bad experiences and traumas is when you’re really solid (strongly connected to the reality of your body and mind) and you’re coping pretty well with your current circumstances and emotions. Therefore, I recommended Regeneration to @Enchantress but running it by you may be not a good idea at all. You don’t need to work on your past right now but focus on dealing with your reality. I would run Ascension + Sanguine (like @RVconsultant suggested). I also advise you to try to focus on your loved ones more than on yourself. Focusing on oneself in a time of despair is deadly.
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I would agree here with @Sub.Zero.
The way I am approaching life these days (literally on an hourly or momentary basis) is - when I find myself engulfed in an emotion, I pause and ask myself, "Do I want to process this emotion and spend some time addressing the root cause or do I want to feel better in the moment, and then switch to reaching for a better thought (thereby generating a different emotion) or engage in something else and effectively distract. We have that choice at any given point.
I haven’t had any reconciliation with Regeneration yet (it’s been about 8 days) but then again, I feel so much more grounded and integrated within my body to begin with. The brain fog I used to feel has lifted and I suppose that Regeneration will help with weeding out deeply rooted trauma subtly yet surely (probably why I feel not much different than I did before the subs) over time.
Perhaps, right now might be a time to reach for better thoughts/feelings and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is without any judgement or expectations? Give yourself all that love, kindness and understanding that you may so naturally give off to your surrounding? I’m an empath and it took me a while to realize I soak up emotions that aren’t event mine based on my surroundings (people). Perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation?
Either way, I’d like for you to take comfort in the fact that you have this supportive community here and can engage in any moment 
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Everything is coming down on me!! It did, however, get my minds eye going again
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I supposed I need to move on! I’ve never been a grudge holder or sat in negativity so long, but I’ve never had this happen to me before either. Also, thanks, it’s nice to feel support!
I think I’ll hold off awhile as
I should have listened as I was just not ready for so much at once!
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I am trying to pull myself back together, but I’ve always put everyone else first (turns out hat’s not good) but right night a lot of people need me to be stable, which is an as usual thing also, just this time the cut is to the bone.
My kids know I’m there for them, I make sure to tell them multiple times a day! It doesn’t help they know exactly what happened…
They’re not 2 years olds!!
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Bad things happen to good people. You’re still much stronger than them. I wish I could help you in someway, but I can’t even pretend that I understand what you’re going through.
You could try acupuncture, the one with needles. It can release trapped emotions. Also Physical exercises like yoga, or other low intensity ones.
Sometimes it makes me really sad seeing so much troubles, greed and deceit in the world. Makes me wonder, how will I ever fix it?
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I’ve been trying my whole life…fixing the world has been a weight on my shoulders I now realize that I cannot accomplish it, no matter the technique!
I’ve spent my life focusing on everyone and everything but myself.
It’s time for a change
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To put it in a sense of understanding in words is difficult. I’ve always wondered by the Bible who exactly were my enemies? Did I have any?
Well, I’ve surly made a few the past few years and guess what…
…I saw that table with my enemies, and they’re not the people I “assumed” they were! (We try not to use that word in my family)
Great to hear that you’re finally giving yourself what you deserve. I wish you best of luck.
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I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that. Were you raised in a religious environment? If so it sounds like their may some major guilt related issues there that were imposed upon you.
I’m starting to think that Regeneration is the wrong sub for you as it only addresses emotional healing. I don’t know enough about your past subliminal experience but if when you have the opportunity read the sales page for Dragon Reborn and see what you think?
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@Lisa I don’t know why you would think you have any enemies. Seems like someone is trying to impose their desires on to you
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My sister and I stepped on a few big retailers toes when we upgraded my mothers business (fashion, seamstress etc) and we stole away some of their big brand names for a small woman owned retail store. I was personally called by a few of them telling me I was no longer welcome at their location and nor was my sister…like we cared at all!
Sewing has been handed down to us by our grandmothers as they had no choice but to make their own clothing. So, we decided to not just sell clothing my sister designed, but also some well known brands.
It was rolling at the start, we did a grand re-opening April 2019…then Covid, and she had invested her entire cash inheritance into it… 
I felt bad I didn’t see all this coming I was so wrapped up on my own cloud and wasn’t meditating, but the signs were there…I ignored I suppose
There’s a lot of emotional healing I need…
I suppose my soon to be ex has been my enemy the whole time we’ve been married. I suppose losing 3 siblings and my first husband was murdered doesn’t help matters.
Now I feel responsible my sister I have left (I’m 11 years older) she and her family have to move because they can’t afford their house anymore.
I should have paid it off for her before ass exx stole all my damn money. I guess I feel guilt that mine is paid for since I paid it off in Jan 2015 and our mother died Nov 2015. So he’s not entitled to my house because it was in my mothers name as she was helping us monthly for our payments. I just had 11 years more than her to pay on mine.
You need something that will help you to feel that you are in control. Perhaps others can offer suggestions?
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I think so.
When I was 14 a guy that was Korean wanted to go out with me, my father and brothers disapproved and a year later at 15 he was still trying and they agreed any 15 year old guy who chased me for a year was probably ok.
I remember telling them I didn’t ask for or need their approval for anything…and that relationship ended my senior year when I left for college, and he still called me!
Truth is, I never needed any approval.
Not my parents, my siblings, not even the law. I was a certified badass
I was unbreakable
and at almost 50…for the first time…
I feel broken
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When I was growing up, I absolutely hated when my family used to try to set me up with guys. None of them were ever my type. It sounds like your ex husband saw an opportunity after the death of your parents to take advantage of you. People are really vulnerable after the death of a loved one, and there are scammers who actively look for these people. The things that he told people about you have nothing to do with you. These are just typical things that uncreative cheating men tell gullible women to try to get sexual favors from them. I am sure that you are a beautiful, intelligent, strong, capable, great quality lady and that you will rise up from this to be even better than before.
I apologize I haven’t read your entire journal. Given your emotional state have you considered therapy?
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I’m talking about the things that her ex husband told people about her. I’m not sure what you’re referring to.
Dear Lisa, I wish I had the words to bring you comfort. Sometimes things just happen that seem to have no rhyme or reason. I can’t even begin to imagine the emotions you might be going through. My heart goes out to you and know that we’re all here for you.
Healing can be complex so I recommend taking it slow. As others have stated, perhaps you can come back to the healing subs when you feel more grounded or ready? I suggest a sub that can help with restoring confidence and self esteem, something that’s been deep within you all this while. Perhaps it’s merely a call to bring it all to the surface to help you navigate through these times. Ascension for Women might be an option or any other sub along the same premise.
Talk therapy might also prove helpful? Personally, I did find a therapist that was of a spiritual background to help me through a few rough weeks. But with time, I felt confident enough to brave the world on my own. Few other things that have helped me are mediation, strolling around nature, long bubble baths, instrumental music (I enjoy Shamanic, Buddhist, Celtic and Hindu mantras/music) and at times, connecting with a friend/family or two that can really just listen without offering any advice because sometimes, all we need is a listener and not active advice. Someone that we can just “be” around.
Few other modalities that you may resonate with are Reiki healing (I haven’t tried it out but intend to when I find a practitioner I connect with), Quantum Healing Hypnosis and Accupuncture (as someone above mentioned) besides the traditional CBT/Talk Therapy.
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Been in therapy since after my younger sister died, then my brothers, so since I was 13…and still am
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