Liminality custom Qv2

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#306

@Malkuth I agree. I’ve never had a pinpointed custom shake me so hard.

I really need to start doing physical stuff. My biggest issue is I have no real inertia for any of it. Feels like every day I’m just trying to catch up from the previous day and it turns into a “I’ll do this tomorrow, I’m too tired today”.

It’s definitely rest I need mentally. I’m not physically tired. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just like pure burnout, my brain has trouble putting together and executing plans. I used to have a heavy bag I would just practice on that got me into the zone, but I just haven’t had space for one lately. I just need to do something anything, the less I have to actually plan out or put together the better. The immediacy of practicing technique on a heavy bag is hard to beat.

@SaintSovereign I’m technically not really even doing the new listening pattern because it’s too much for me. I usually can only listen to 1 or 2 loops total a week generously spaced out which I’ve stuck with for the most part. So I guess that’s where the confusion lies, if this is even enough for me.

If the recon does get worse during the washout I’ll try the single loop. I can definitely attest to the fact that longer periods of not listening has the effect of really putting me through hell. And I’ve definitely operated under the assumption I needed to stay away from the sub more which could have just been a way to keep me away from growth.

#307

You can flip that one around.

It’s one of those illusions.

The exercise, even in one workout, is going to give you energy. That’s why you’re going to it. Try that. Thinking of it as plugging in to something that gives you energy, not something that takes your energy.

On a superficial level, sure, it takes your energy and you may feel a certain tiredness. But on cellular, mental, and emotional levels (and more), it’s actually infusing you with energy. In the short-term and the long-term.

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#308

@Malkuth : By the end of the month I had returned to neutrality. The month long washout was filled with crazy procrastination, laziness and time wasting in front of the computer. Way more than when I was not running subs. I was unable to will myself into productive action. Self sabotage at its worst. To be point where I even lost a couple of clients. That’s when I realized that I was still processing all the subliminal input that I crammed into my mind. It wasn’t just EmpQ v2. Sometimes, I had GLM in there.

After a month or so I felt like going back to Emperor. I started my Sub Club journey with Asc Mogul for 4 or 5 month. I credit that sub for putting an end to life long anxiety issues that I had. Then in May 2019, I purchased Emperor. It has been my main sub since. One interesting observation is that every version of Emperor made me physically sick (flu, diarrhea) except for Q versions. But the tiredness and the sleepiness I feel on Q, I never experienced with the pre Q versions. Sometimes, after 2 or 3 loops of the Q version, I had to take a nap. My body would need sleep. When Q2 was released, I was running a couple of loops everyday then I would take the weekend off. That’s when the major procrastination and laziness started.

After the month long washout, I ran Emperor Q2 every day for a week and took two days off. The tiredness and sleepiness returned. I hadn’t read the new instructions yet. After I read them, I started running one loop every other day and thing are going well. Procrastination is minimal. I feel like I want to build a business Empire again. I manifested a part time job that is EXACTLY what I wanted. Except that the money could be better. But that income will be instrumental in helping me relaunch myself. I credit Emperor Q2 for helping me ace the interview. I was quietly dominant but not the point where it would turn people off. I showed my expertise without being arrogant and I was always in control.
I won’t go into details but I see a lot of places where Emperor directly impacted my behavior. Here is the interesting part. I still make some beta male mistakes but then there is this inner voice that says :“You don’t need this behavior any longer”. Then I’m able to let it go.
I’ve been running Emperor since May 2019, some people would be surprised than I’m not a dominant millionaire yet. Here is the reality, when you’ve been a weak beta male and a people pleaser for over 30 years, that is your identity. It is not going to change overnight or in a year. After running Emperor for two years, the person I am right now is different from the guy who purchased Emperor in May 2019. It is like day and night. But the “new me” still has a long way to go. As much as in 2019, becoming a respected millionaire was wishful thinking, in 2021 I just know that it is inevitable that I become a millionaire. I might even have a plan. :joy:
And I’m in the very very early stages of executing that plan. I might even add HoM to Emperor, you never know. But I just love Emperor, maybe because I’ve been running it for so long. I plan on running it for the next few years though.

In a nutshell, these subs change you but you have to allow time for the changes to take place.

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#309

I wanted to summarize some ideas:

Does this help you feel like you better know how to use Qv2 right now, and what to do for the next week?

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#310

I’ve been doing one day on and one day off for 3 weeks now. It’s working pretty good. When I wake up in the morning (Emperor wakes you up early), I just put my headphones on, and I stay in bed half asleep, for one hour. When the track ends, I get up and I just go about my day, making plans and taking action to better my life. That’s when you see how this subs work. It’s almost like they work better if you think about them and you go about your life.

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#311

Yes this helps. It gives me a more balanced approach between doing a full washout with no input vs continuing what I was doing before. Thanks for all the input everyone. Qv2 has been a bit difficult to navigate but this gives me a better picture of how I should manage the reconciliation.

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AzrielLight EmperorQ
#312

Is there anything else we can clarify or help you in forming a direction for the next 7 days or so?

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#313

I think I’m good for now thanks. If anything else develops I’ll be sure to post about it in here.

#314

How goes it?

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#315

I’m getting there. It’s an improvement for sure. Unfortunately my day was absolute chaos yesterday and ended up with a migraine from my job. Doing my best to not let that kind of stuff hit me that hard. I’ve recovered today and was going to give one loop a shot to see how I feel, maybe half.

Some developments in my life that threw me off a bit. I’m currently trying to figure those out. Going to update here when I get the chance, it seems like something good but I’m still weighing my options.

Overall I feel like I’m still in the process of making Qv2 work for me and it takes more understanding and acceptance of myself.

I’ll say this though. My anxiety of “being behind” in life is lessening. But it feels more real and solid than my usual “I don’t give a fuck, but secretly I’m still terribly insecure”. I’m still anxious about a lot of my future, but I’m just doing my best to chip away at it vs getting overwhelmed.

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#316

So development in my life.

I got offered a promotion at work. I still have to work out the details and see how much the pay raise is. But it’s nice to know my boss has been aware of how much work I do at this company. I’m going to negotiate a hefty pay bump, see how much I can get with the new position. Really odd that as soon as I detached from the idea of staying here that manifested.

Having said that this really had me thinking over my decision to move out of NY right away. But I figured I’d give it a shot and see how it goes, if it’s bad I can always move out. But if I skip right over it, well planning isn’t my strength and moving out of NY there was a lot of stuff I needed to get together. Not to mention financial worries. If this promotion can give me some breathing room after all the years I’ve struggled financially that’ll be a nice change of pace. Even if it’s not long term, I owe it to myself. I’ve been suffocating over a blanket of anxiety with money issues for as long as I can remember.

It’s not what I expected, but sometimes it’s better to pivot to a path given to you vs being all tunnel visioned on something else. This could be my way of manifesting a route to a bigger goal, but sometimes you need smaller steps to get there. Normally I criticize myself for being a coward and not facing my fears. I was reluctant to consider this because it felt like I was failing to follow through on my big move.

I’m hoping with the changes coming to the company things get easier. If I have to endure anymore of this stress I’ll just have to bail. My quality of life has definitely taken a nosedive this past year.

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#317

Congratulations, man!!!

And yes, the hallmark of good strategy and planning is the ability to pivot and respond to the conditions (external and internal) that you encounter.

You manifested this. And yes, when the time is right, you’ll most likely gracefully transition to a new situation. But no reason to impose artificial rules and conditions. Trust yourself that you will do what seems and feels right.

As always, you’ve got this.

:+1:t5: :muscle:t5:

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#318

Thanks! I think me being a Taurus weighs into that “set a goal or plan and complete it” mentality. But I’m old enough to realize how much that threw me into some holes in the past. So it’s good to hear flexibility is a strength and not me wiggling out of responsibility.

This is a pretty good example of how I have a lot of trouble trusting my own decisions sometimes. But looking at it deeper now it does seem to be fueled by insecurity and self worth issues. Like a big move would have been impressive, showcased a lot of confidence, and made me seem super independent. Would it have been a good decision right now? Probably not, my foundation isn’t strong enough. But throughout my life I have those haunting sort of “you should be confident enough to do this stuff”.

To sum up, better self care. Self care means so much more than just the typical stuff. It’s about working with myself and understanding shortcomings and working around those. It doesn’t feel right or like I’m doing enough because 90% of my life has been the opposite of self care. Just criticizing all my decisions and making myself feel weak for not thriving in unfavorable circumstances based on my own needs. I could have fixed a lot of issues in my past if I could have stepped back away from the deep guilt and shame and did what was good for me. That’s not regret, I just understand where the mistakes were now.

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#319

Insecurity is at the core of every atom. That uneasy truce between charges attracting and repelling. Health doesn’t remove instability and insecurity; it just balances it and harnesses it.

(words from another Taurus. I tend to stick with things too. Sometimes works for me and sometimes against me. But it seems to take me about 10 times as long as the average person to get tired of things I like. And that’s if I ever get tired of them at all. And it takes much much longer than necessary to leave something once I’ve committed to it.)

I also revisit past decisions and try to learn from the resultant hindsight. Sometimes my memory is more abstract. But rarely, every so often, I experience a full-bodied, sensory flashback. And then it hits me just what I was really facing in those past situations. The present is a lot messier, bigger, and harder to mentally accommodate than is the past. Every bit of insight that I’ve gotten over the years has been hard-won. And often, even with the ‘wisdom’ and experience that I’ve now gained, I can’t be completely certain I would make a better move if I were thrown back into ‘the present’ of those situations.

Life’s a trip.

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#320

I think this is a sign of progress! Congratulate yourself!

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#321

I’m reflecting on (my own) avoidant coping.

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#322

Avoidant behavior is painful man. Sometimes I can’t even see it until later and it’s a huge facepalm moment

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#323

Woke up this morning feeling bad. Sometimes it makes me think. What’s the issue here? A lot of the time I say it’s my circumstances, this or that, how I’m not achieving enough, etc. How I have to overcome something, push past, be stronger. What I realized is it’s the opposite. I have to let stuff in, I have to let people in.

I ran the love bomb experimental, I never bought the new version. I might. Love has always been an issue for me. Both receiving and giving. Two sides of the same coin, if I have trouble accepting it I can’t access it for other people. And then where I did more damage is berating myself for that inability vs understanding it’s my own emotional damage that needs focus.

I just meditated while it was playing. I felt the aura around me. I felt the energy coursing through my heart. It was like tapping into something I’m devoid of for a large part of my days. I thought it was powerful because it was a direct source to it. No needing to heal an emotional wound to then feel better or achieve something.

I’ll be honest sometimes I really don’t like myself. I can be selfish or wrapped up in my own head to such a degree I lose track of other people. But I’ve tried to be attentive towards others and I’ve found it just doesn’t work. I don’t have the energy, I don’t feel good and my actions don’t feel authentic or good. My life has been difficult for me, I’ve had to pour so much energy into taking care of myself that I don’t have a lot for others.

There’s definitely something troubling here that I need to work through. I’m going to work with elixir more. Sometimes I just don’t get it. I’d rather be alone for most of my life than deal with the pain of having trouble connecting to others.

#324

Had no idea what to do with myself today so I just went on a hike. Which is kind of rare because usually I’m like “no I have to work on music, clean my place, figure stuff out, research something,etc”. But today I was like fuck this we’re going hiking.

It was nice and it gave me a break. And I thought about a lot of the stuff I’m dealing with in life. Honestly speaking I can’t get on top of anything. I’ve been trying but it just doesn’t happen, something falls through the cracks, something gets left behind. This is 100% the ADHD and instead of focusing on doing all this “better”, I’m focusing on patience and self care with myself. My place is constantly a mess, im always putting off stuff, my ability to cook myself food and have meals ready for myself is very poor (past two weeks I just straight up haven’t eaten lunch because I don’t make anything) and even the things I want to do I don’t do and I couldn’t tell you why. Possibly a combination of anxiety and feeling like I don’t get to have fun until I clean my act up.

People look at stuff like that and only see the exterior of it. That has been my whole life, constantly shouldering that guilt of not keeping up with some standard of living that everyone else seems to magically be able to do. This is and always has been the struggle for me. Sure I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But everyone else is going to compare me to people who don’t struggle with ADHD. If I just tried harder, was more disciplined, more organized, made more lists, etc. It’s demoralizing and upsetting when someone minimizes trouble functioning in life to a set of moral failings on your part.

But my point is I’m focusing on making things better for myself. In all likelihood my place will still be a mess, I’ll still screw up meals, but at least I won’t have to deal with the emotional pain that comes with associating those things with being a failure.

#325

Here’s an interesting one for the healing reflections:

I’m only allowed to thrive and/or feel good if I first ____________.

In other words, reviewing with skepticism the rules we’ve internalized.

It’s important to accept that arguing with those rules doesn’t change them. It’s not as simple as just saying or recognizing, “That’s not true”. But that’s a good first step, and also a good action to take when working with a healing subliminal.

Critical review of your criticisms.

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