Life after ZPU - The integration begins

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

Journals to me are like Minecraft worlds. The moment I stop playing I feel like restarting a new one. With so much going on even more I’ve been through, This one will do nicely. Note to me: just type whatever comes to mind. Less stating and more being

Life has lead me to finally confront myself and ask a question. It is perhaps the most important question i have ever asked myself. The answer came at a heavy price but i am grateful non the less…

" How can you stand being a contradiction? "

" As easily as you can stand to be you. You are like me even if you choose not to look at the corners that do not fit, even if you have chosen to ignore the brilliant contours of your soul "

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#2

You lived a life apologizing for who you are

You sought meaning in proving your worth

You expected happiness through the absence of pain

You aspired and was inspired by greatness that made you forget the shackles around your soul

You craved being witnessed with wonder, just to briefly find yourself through someone else’s eyes, and called it intimacy

You stood tall because you believed not falling meant progress

You gave consideration of which you were convinced would make you it’s source amidst it’s absence

You touched hearts that relished and some cursed your lingering fingerprint

You fought until fighting became all you are…

And now you are done apologizing, seeking, expecting, aspiring, craving, standing, considering, touching and fighting. You tell yourself and the world that you’re done crying out for what was always yours. That in the absence of all you’ve carried, you will know finally find and feel at home

You are the brightest light, with a shadow dark enough to give the needed contrast

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#3

Beautiful.

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#4

Reconciliation has been taking different shapes but the common thread has for a while now been around agency.

For a very long time, agency meant control and crystal clear progress Then agency became surrender. Now my system seems to be searching for a third possibility. Neither " I must make it happen " nor " I must let life do everything "

Something like " I’ll simply enjoy participating wholeheartedly without needing it to guarantee anything "

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#5

Have you been running peace? Because that sounds like peace would be the middle ground to me.

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#6

I am. It is the best title for me dealing with seemingly endless friction with simply existing let alone truly understand myself

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#7

That’s awesome. Wu wei on brother!

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#8

The WB part of my WB/Peace custom started kicking in. I’ve gotten few compliments at work and some people were brain freezing / giving dear in headlights looks as talked to them, almost as if they were not mentally prepared. A very cute girl who’ve been flirting with her eyes asked for my snap today

The peace has been settling. I talked in the Wanted thread about " resonance / coherence " where things suddenly click and life starts feeling magical. Well I am starting to see a bigger picture. That seems to be the " active " part of coherence. When the user briefly gets out of their own way

What this is, the coherence " settling " almost like the baseline has increased slightly. It’s nothing grand nor glamours. Just an incremental, steady and permanent increase in the baseline which started with getting in touch with who I really am vs who I wanted not to be. No mood swings and no ups and downs. Just the steady progression I’ve always longed for.

A life of endless passion, adventure and peace. A fitting vessel that contains and galvanizes my intensity and a peace that is felt and lived come hell or high water

So what is the difference between the Me right now and the Me as short as few months ago? He’d be scared to his core believing that my self acceptance is arrogance. That me truly acknowledging myself means I suddenly have an ego. That without fear and caution, I’d become selfish and cruel. That his way of living was the only way, and that he needs only force his way to work

And to him I say, I am neither… For I can now look in the mirror and truly smile and feel proud of who I am. That I acknowledge my mistakes, I strive to be better and will never wish anybody harm. And to him I say, If that still makes me egotistical then so be it. I am done shrinking simply because i am not acknowledged or understood by ants

Look where trying not to have an ego got us. Always hurting alone while worrying about others hurting. Always feeling responsible for pain and burdens that were never ours and yet wishing to be free of the same shackles we refused to let go of.

I am what I’ve always been. A psycho in heaven, Angel in hell.

Water, Air and Sun is all we need. Time to thrive and enjoy time passing for once…

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#9

Words cannot describe how similar this is to what I’m experiencing right now.

Keep on rocking!

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#10

Coagulated masses. Untethering due to the meaning that once held them start to dissipate
Hurt and scared, they instinctively seek to reform the same meaning so they could feel whole

The meaning re emerges, but fails to keep them whole for it is due to the masses craving more than safety in the unity, they refuse to uphold the status que

So the coagulated masses scatter, re-join into an new altered shape but the cycle continues
The masses discover in another broken vessel, that their freedom exists not in any form they could form… but in letting go, flowing and being open to change

They naively long for the simplicity of having a fixed vessel that contains ever answer despite knowing its futile. The only control they ever had was over their ability to blindly cling to it, or relinquish it

As they wander, existing in the moment for it’s own sake. They find joy, ease and clarity. They find pain, hardship and doubt. They long for the illusion of control, but amassing has become far too painful to be attempted again… They incrementally and steadily learn and relearn that they are not yet done dissolving.

As they continue being undone, a shape starts to be revealed. The more they are undone, the more it hurts, but that hurts comes with hope. That the form they leave in their absence is the shape they’ve always longed for. It is similar yet different to what they believed it to be, but it feels right. For once, there is no doubt. So they make the choice that despite their instinct and need to take control of the form, that with every step they take forward… they would take 2 back

They need not fully know nor believe in that shape, only trust it… The shape acknowledges their hurt and honours it without holding onto it

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#11

Great to follow your journal.

Can you share how Peace kick in and synergy with WB?

I’m considering a named embedded customs between WB + D:Regeneration or WB + Peace?

Since you recommended WB + D:Regeneration time ago. How is your evaluation between 2 stacks?

Much thank.

#12

While every title is self sufficient. They were made to stack. The WB edge requires self acceptance, comfort within discomfort and being uninhibited by self doubt. With those in the way, titles like DR: Regen and Peace will take priority and the WB results will likely be proportionate to the progress made with the rest of the stack

While I am mostly experiencing results from Peace, It is laying the ground work for expressing the WB side. For others who are ahead in their self acceptance journey, Peace will work as a booster to WB

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#13

Thanks for the insight, I’ll choose Peace & WB. DR:G can be used a a healing title on the side.

#14

That’s coherent stack with a vision. You will likely get more spontaneous healing by living and taking action. You may also develop internally quicker than your outer results might reflect. All in good time

You may no longer attract what you’re or have been used to. This might seem like your options being " limited " but I would view it as making room for quality that matches, and enhances the fun and excitement :smirk:

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#15

Do I retreat behind walls for safety, or I’m I keeping the walls safe?

Since the announcement of the upcoming Heartsong 2 stage upgrade, I’ve been thinking about people and relationships. Why was I mostly alone for the vast majority of my adult life despite the qualities I’ve cultivated, despite intentions and taking massive actions to not be so? Why I’ve mostly felt alone despite company? Why have I struggled so needlessly letting anyone close despite always wanting the best for them? Despite sharing my hard-earned growth and peace with them? Showing them world’s they couldn’t fathom existed? Despite always being willing to correct the wrongs I do, taking accountability for those wrongs without compromising who I am?

The more I discover myself, the less they or anyone in particular seem to have anything to do with it. It could be any and or a combination of synergizing factors

  • That I didn’t know myself
  • I wanted to not be a bad human instead of wanting to be myself and loving him
  • That I was hurt, disappointed and betrayed on schedule
  • That I compromised far too much due to lack of self love / self respect
  • Not believing others when they endlessly demonstrate and express, directly or indirectly, that I am too good for them
  • Genuine wrongs I did for which I am learning to forgive myself for
  • Not being crystal clear about where I am selfish
  • Assuming my accepting of their flaws and selfishness being reciprocated
  • Assuming my refusal to hurt being reciprocated
  • Hoping for understanding, while secretly believing it impossible to begin with… So its actually " hoping to be proven wrong about being difficult to understood "
  • Growing up, learning and re learning to trust myself
  • Outgrowing them, the connection or vise versa
  • Choosing the potential over the person
  • Turning a blind eye to early signs of disrespect and emotional projections
  • Feeling responsible, by my own free will, for their happiness and for always being the bigger person

While one could endlessly work on each individual subject matter. To tweak, improve, eliminate, focus on, explore or re frame any and all of them is building on sand. They are all effects rather than causes.

I am beginning to explore the real cause which is keeping the walls safe. My past has given me more than enough justification to trust in them and my stubborn efforts, regardless of intention, only proved them stronger.

I remember running current Heartsong for a short while around few years ago, and the recon was worse than Total Breakdown because the latter seemed to at the very least, lead to something tangible. Back then HS felt like it talked to man who’ve been ablaze all his life about connections so opposite to the flames they make them seem unfathomable instead… And that his flames, wounds and hurt ware in the way… The man angers feeling his efforts and intelligence mocked, like any of it was a choice he made let alone something he deserved

Even with the flames out, the man darkened and charred, has lived feeling that barely anything changed. Despite smarter choices, better efforts and lots of reflection… There was no outrunning it. So he wonders how? Through everything he overcame could he still feel the burn? To him, it simply defied rationality.

To hate and blame himself is to pour gasoline on the remaining embers.
To try again and doing the same is insanity
To shut down, self isolate and surrender is to stop living and throw all previous efforts down the drain.

But he, no I, wont be doing any of those. With those failures, I’ve purchased clarity and confidence that defies faith… To focus on tearing down those walls, or to resist reinforcing them is not the answer either, the right conclusion is to Build something worth inhibiting… It it looks like:

  • There is an abundance of incredible, amazing and wonderful people that will lift me even higher. And I am beyond excited to need their help and to be grateful for their presence

  • There is an abundance of opportunity’s to meet such incredible people. To find friends that understand, support and respect me… Women that are unable to contain their desire to explore me and for me to explore them… respectfully, peacefully and passionately. Connections that will take me further and faster in life

  • That I am ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY worthy of such opportunities and connections

  • And those mean that I am blessed with a natural filter that repels those who’s presence will not be and is no longer welcome.

My answer is no affirmation. It’s a belief that defies rationality. Despite everything, am grateful for every influence I’ve ever experienced by anyone regardless of degree. I am sorry for any hurt or trouble I’ve ever caused anyone. I embrace life which pre ordains that to live is to hurt and be hurt, to exist is to be a burden… and I am looking forward to what comes next… especially new HS stage 1

This is far from one-time shift. I still have scars to mend and foundations to lay. Healing the former and building the latter will take time, like anything of real value. I won’t mind echo’s of my previous system persisting a while longer in the meantime, in fact I welcome them for allowing me the opportunity to take action by no longer resonating with em

Because everyone is the right person for a different reason. Either to aid in evolution or our desired life

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#16

You have such profound inner insight. HS could be your “killing” sub.

Do you feel this a HS preresults or also the results from your current stack?

#17

Appreciate the kind words. The ZPU tech has been great in unfolding insight. Could be new HS results, this always happens whenever I know 100% I will be running a new sub / upgrade. I get a preview-like effect of their effects

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#18

Always been a skeptic of anyone who claims being psychic but man did I feel some disturbing a55, bipolar a55, depressed & miserable a55 energy from someone petty, jealous & immature trying to viciously sabotage my life, get their 15 minutes of fame. But weirdly enough, it feels indirect. Like it’s trying or tried indirectly to cause a domino effect towards that end while staying in the shadows. Like it’s Peter Baelish but with the subtly of Dwayne Johnson, and the courage of a mouse

Never had a weirder meditation session in my life lmao. I have no clue if Peace is making me extra sensitive, but that bs felt like a nasty fly hovering around me. Textbook misery that loves creating company

I hope I’m tripping because I know for a fact it hasn’t and will not affect me. But if it is real, regardless of source, then I refuse to accept that negativity just as if it were a present. By refusing, the present belongs only to it’s owner. I couldn’t for the life of me guess where it comes from or who it belongs to. I suppose it matters little, in fact it’s for the best. What goes around comes around

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#19

I have the impression that people are becoming more psychic in general.

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#20

Dude, right? I even mentioned it here a few years ago. We suddenly observed not only customers, but colleagues and friends who have never use a sub reporting a rise in clairvoyance.

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