What have you been listening to the past 2 weeks?
Those are the very thoughts I try not to own…because I do that. I think that. Life is spent avoiding and denying this because…owning it…makes me sad almost instantly.
I’d prefer to remember a true story which happened 20 years ago this fall. I actually shared this with someone here last night via DM. I’ll abbreviate here.
Got to go to a men’s healing weekend in 2004. Someone paid for my ticket. Not kidding. I spent 2 days in the main group meeting (maybe 15 guys).
But the therapists leading it stated repeatedly that if anyone needed to talk privately, to just signal to them that you needed it, and you could go in another room with one of them and share.
That last day I broke. I signaled to one of them and we broke off. I realized…that I missed my brother, and I let it out. I cried for about 15 minutes straight. Gut-wrenching sobs. I couldn’t hide it anymore. I didn’t want to hide it.
But coming back to work (where I lived behind masks) was hard. I put on the mask again since…that’s what I knew how to do. But I’d tasted freedom.
I think…no. I know that’s why I come to the forum regularly. I wish to be strong enough to hold on to that freedom. To hold my head up high, knowing I was honest with myself AND with others…that I don’t have to lie.
Not too abbreviated. Sorry. But I’m searching for something being here. Fighting fears. And LB allows this puzzle to solve itself sometimes. I’ll let LB and DRLD work on me for a while.
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A couple of resources I came across today. Both from the same person. I love how optimistic he is. Which I know sounds weird coming from me but I can’t deal with negativity and criticism anymore. It feels like what I’m surrounded by and it’s taking a toll on my mental health. The main reason I chose to run Love Bomb in the first place
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Yeah, I know how you fell, kinda.
Perhaps you remember my thread “No passion for nothing”, where I said, that I can’t develop any passion for anything making my life a bit more meaningful.
I realized, that this was the same thing you noticed.
I didn’t feel worthy enough to get a job (partly healed, I have a minijob), to let go of pmo and heal my relationship (partly healed, I believe we need our own flat for this to fully happen), and many things more.
Not worthy enough to get serious results with subs amongst them.
Now with LB it’s slowly falling in place.
So I wish you the best of Luck.
I think with microloops you can’t do anything wrong. After 4 listening days, I listened to 11.5 minutes the day before yesterday. Extrem headache. LB is a beast.
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I have so much love for others that I sometimes forget to care about my own needs.
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That’s how I feel. I can’t seem to get myself excited about anything because I feel like it’s going to fall or fail eventually. I remember reading a book by
Kamal Ravikant about loving yourself like your life depends on it. I didn’t read the whole book but I remember there was a mantra or affirmation to repeat to yourself all day every day when you can or remember. " I love myself ".
I was going to stack LB with something else but I’m going to wait for a couple of cycles and see how I feel. I know a lot of my lack of motivation often stems from feeling bad about myself as does my self sabotage. I lose interest in everything. I don’t take care of myself like I should and I allow others to walk all over and disrespect me. I can’t let that go on any longer.
I said before how my sub hopping is because of my lack of self love and self worth.
I’m running one minute loops currently
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I command you to run it along with Emperor for six months, sir James.
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Why Emperor?
For many reasons yet resilience, eliminating faulty societal programming, building an iron frame and setting strong boundaries will do for all your daily ailments regarding the crap people throw at you.
If you didn’t want to come across as so intense, TWTP would do too.
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Would it shock you to know that even I feel like this at times as well? I think most people have these same deep fears and thoughts, but what makes a person wise is the willingness to admit it, face it and fight it. Just my humble opinion.
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Yep. Facing this realization wasn’t an easy process for me. I had an addiction to suffering for many deeply rooted reasons and for a long time too.
Suffering was the familiar and “comfortable” in my household growing up. If I didn’t suffer then I would be the outlier. It was a way to relate and connect with others closest to me. (Even if dysfunctional and toxic.)
It’s liberating to acknowledge and accept this in order to begin the journey to freedom.
Now I lovingly embrace being the “outlier.”
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Are you focusing on LB solo? I am doing this right now for a cycle.
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I just ran a minute loop of the New Emperor. I definitely need to develop the inner frame and strength I have never had. So Love Bomb and Emperor for at least the next six months.
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Nothing better to deal with those fears than self-soothing and reasoning ourselves out of them. Just like mother would soothe us and reason us out of any petty fear we’re so prone to succumb to when we’re toddlers.
Sorry for going off topic, James.
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We are all gonna hold you to this LOL
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Does this feel like an attainable goal or would it be easier to stay disciplined in smaller chunk sizes?
For me committing for just one cycle to something has done me good.
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Doing microloops is helping believe it or not. I don’t feel so overwhelmed
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To commit for 6 months?
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Yeah. I feel like I have to prove something to myself.
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@James you truly are a remarkable man, a hero at your core. All you need to do is strip away the layers, much like peeling an onion, and your inner hero will emerge. It’s similar to the Balrog of Moria, long confined beneath the earth. When the dwarves excavated the depths, they unveiled the mighty creature. Just as they revealed the Balrog, revealing your true potential is about shedding those outer layers to let your heroic nature shine through.
NOW GO AND WALK THE PATH OF THE IMMORTALS
Also listen to 7empest she is a good person.
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