Interesting dream. I may be projecting my own issues onto this so take with a grain of salt.
It sounds like you may have some strong inhibitions that are preventing you from doing what you want to do. What you think would make you happy. (IN this case doing Brenda). That’s a good guess on your hand doing everything but what you wanted to, and your legs not working when you told them to.
You also may be concerned that you missed your chance at whatever kind of happiness you were looking for.
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Bedtime Snack:
Iron Throne Ultima
45 mins silence
Diamond Ultima
45 mins silence
Mind’s Eye T2
Dream:
I’m living in a very large open-floorplan house. I have a girl from work (call her Samantha) and her boyfriend as roommates. So we’re each paying 1/3 of the rent to be able to have a nicer place.
Samantha is a coworker IRL. Different name, of course.
My dad is there, talking to someone on the phone. I’m playing with our big-screen TV trying to find something to watch.
Samantha is there, her bf is gone. Presumably at work.
I remember a delivery lady dropped off a package for one of them.
Samantha lays on the floor and I go lay next to her and give her a hug. A “friendly” hug which is basically a cuddle on my part.
She says “I love you” and I say “I love you even more”.
I’m def getting turned on by this. Not sure if she is, but I remember hoping so.
Longest hug ever.
At some point, not sure if before or after the above stuff, I went out for a walk, and a few blocks away is the house I keep dreaming about so much. MY house.
Only, in this dream, it isn’t my house anymore.
And where MY house used to be, I see a tiny blue starter home. like a one-bedroom size. 800-900 sqare feet if that.
I go to the door, knock, and this older woman answers. 50s or 60s.
I say “Hi! I used to live here! Just was walking by and noticed it seems different! Did you remodel?”
She kinda gruffly says “YOU are the one who had all the extra and needless bullshit? Yeah I remodeled! I only ever used this part of the house near the front door. So I’ve been just tearing down everything else to make more room. Why did you have so much shit here?”
And I say “It was just a big house. I didn’t have a lot of stuff in there.”
She rolled her eyes and said “Come in and take a look. Be careful since there’s a lot of rubble still. I’ve got people taking it out slowly but surely.”
I go in, thank her, and sure enough…just the parts right close to the door are left standing (as a complete tiny starter home, mind you)
The rest is all torn down…I descend down into what used to be the basement, and it’s all just rubble.
I make my way out what would have been the back door, and instead of the spacious back yard from before, it’s a big fence that borders on a very busy street. Almost reminded me of a shanty town.
I go to a small street corner outdoor restaurant thing, have a seat, and am eating some sort of small food. I don’t have any recollection of what I ate.
I remember starting up at what used to be the house and I’m sad that it’s all gone.
fin.
all the subs were masked or ultima. I may try this tonight with Ultrasonic Mind’s Eye to see if the dreaming is as vidid on masked or not.
I remember feeling sad and disturbed that MY house was no more. There’s definitely some symbolism there as healing subs usually make me dream about that house and it’s fully constructed.
the stack of Iron Throne Ultima, DIamond and ME doesn’t have any Breakdown or Healing…so why did MY house get torn down?
I figure the parts about wanting to cuddle and be with Samantha were from Iron Throne Ultima and/or Diamond. And IRL I do find her attractive. If I were single, I’d definitely go for her.
I just tend to like the dreams about that house, because I feel “Home” there lol.
Fin for real
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Lots of trash removal dreams. 
2 days ago, you were taking a piss.
Yesterday, Brenda’s office was all vacated.
Today, aunty was removing needless bullshit.
In each case, someone wanted to stop or reverse it. 
What do you do with this Dreams Journal? Go back and look for patterns! 
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Sure seems like it. Tonight I’ll switch up stuff. Was about to post tonight’s stack, but may as well reply to @Simon the Almighty!
Tonight’s bedtime snack:
BILLionaire
45 mins silence
Rebirth Ultima OR Elixir Ultima (not decided yet)
45 mins silence
MInd’s Eye T2
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Choose Rebirth.
Elixir is louder.
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I tried using the “Sound Check” thing in iTunes. It works to normalize the audio but it does it very abruptly. like BAM I turned the volume down for ya!
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Is this about listening to sublmininals in general?
Also I use VLC. Only had 1 problem with it. It wouldn’t play a file.
I’ve never tried “Sound Check” in iTunes on anything but subs. I’ll try it soon to report back.
I finally got caught up on this journal… man, you have some interesting dreams!
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They’re aight, I guess. I’d rather get the direct “This is a fax from your subconscious mind” dreams" like I got before ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Well there’s your problem… you’re waiting for an obsolete communication. Ask your subconscious for a DM instead. lol.
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Sometime yesterday, I identified a possible form of procrastination I have.
I’ll sometimes ask my business partner (I call him that even though it’s been a while since I’ve contributed to any joint projects) questions about his past experience (in regards to business mostly), when I could easily go to Google and ask Google the question in the right way and find what I need.
Rather than posing a question and then “waiting on” the answer.
So that’s something that came up.
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Just like the previous post, today’s theme is procrastination with a bit of wishy-washy goals thrown in.
I finally listened to Emperor Q in bed. Using the thing of sub followed by silence followed by sub, etc.
My last real use of Emperor, other than a few one-off loops of EQ since it came out, was E3 as journaled in my older journal (link in the first post of this one).
I’d thought about doing another run of Emperor for a while, but my biggest hangup was “I don’t want to Emperor myself out of my current job too quickly. I’ll do some healing first.”
blah blah blahdy blah
Last night, I did:
Emperor Q
40 mins of silence
Emperor Q
30 mins of silence
Emperor Q
30 mins of silence
Emperor Q
6 hours total.
It was too long. I remember waking up somewhere in the last EQ loop thinking “Is this thing STILL running?”
I’ll do it again tonight but just 4.5 hours total.
So:
Emperor Q
45 mins of silence
Emperor Q
45 mins of silence
Emperor Q
I decided that, since i’m gonna be 46 this year, I need to stop worrying about a job that could fire me at anytime (and nearly did 3 years ago) and have a replacement in my spot in no time.
If I keep worrying about that job (or ANY job) I’ll never be the Emperor my inner core is so badly trying to become.
So, reconciliation or not, pain or not, hardship or not, I’m bringing the Emperor back.
I expect I’ll stack Emperor with BILLionaire. I’m very likely going to rebuild BILLionaire as V2 and put Emperor core in there in place of AscMogul. Will drop EoG1 (since I own EoG already anyway) and can listen to EoG1 as long as needed for the financial breakdown part.
I will either keep EoG4 in the custom, replace it with DR4 core, OR go for a 4-core Q custom and have both EoG4 and DR4. I have a bit of time to worry about that.
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FUCK
I opened tabs to start working on (a new project I thought up last week while listening to subs).
Then somehow allowed myself to get sidetracked by trying to figure how to set up email addresses on a subdomain with my current web host.
I didn’t even realize it was procrastination until about 20 minutes into it. Sneaky shit.
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Emperor Bill,
While you were waiting to come out and succeed, I prepared a welcome for you…
Sincerely,
Me
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Holy FUCKING FUCK!
You know how I’m always going on and on about Ascended MogulQ stacked with Limitless Q?
I did 2 loops each today of Emperor Q and Limitless Q.
Same productivity hit as AMQ+LQ… feels exactly the same, except I don’t feel as “manic” as AMQ+LQ.
Staggered them like EQ+LQ+EQ+LQ. Was on the second LQ and started getting a slight headache…so I put on BILLionaire Terminus instead. lol. Needed a “break”.
I should be able to buy R.I.C.H. here in about 2 weeks.
Once I have that, my stack will shuffle around a bit, naturally…but you can bet your sweet little ass that R.I.C.H. and BILLionaire will be playing their part.
I think I left out too much productivity-wise when building BILLionaire.
definitely considering a productivity custom with EQ and LQ in it. I wonder if Productivity Unleashed would get me the same productivity hit as LQ. would be cool to do an ultima…but not sure if I could handle EQ and LQ both in the same custom ultima. Yes, I know the recommendations for one core if any.
But my whole adult life I’ve been “playing it safe” and not experimenting enough.
Anyway, today was a great productive day for me. I am the Emperor of the Second Great and Bountiful Human Empire!
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I finally hopped on the @Azriel bandwagon and updated my bio to show my subs of choice. I’m sure it’ll change here soon as I’m waiting on some $ to get R.I.C.H. next week.
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