Le Journal de Palpatine™ (2021)

Yesterday, I felt like shit. Wondering if any of this is worth it. (Life/goals, I mean. Not SubClub.)

Anyway, I put BILLionaire on loop with Limitless as posted above and just kept it going pretty much all day.

One of those “I’ll burn these blockages out of me one way or the other” things. Total overload.

I got a headache in the left side of my head at one point. I popped a couple of acetaminophen pills and kept going.

Before bed, I did like half a loop of Primal and part of one of Primal Seduction.

Went to bed, fell asleep listening to Libertine Ultima V2 followed by Diamond.

I had a dream I was going to a very large “shopping mall” type location AGAIN.

The family and I were going to see some big show of some kind. Like a packed setting such as the MGM Grand’s Grand Ballroom (I was there once and it holds a ton of people).

Anyway, I somehow got separated from the family (Daughter and wife) and kept trying to use some sort of “GPS Locator” which was just a spiral notebook but the “GPS Locator” page kept itself updated.
Paper GPS would be weird.

I felt muddled the entire time. I felt like an old man with what I imagine dementia or Alzheimer’s must feel like.

Daughter finally finds me and says “There you are, Grandpa! We were worried about you!”

I want to say something like “I’m not your grandpa!” but I couldn’t even form words. Brain is so muddled and addled, I finally give up.

We go to the show. I don’t remember much about that part. After, I say “I’ll go get the car and bring it around,” and the family is like “Nah, we’ll get it. You can wait here.”

I can tell they’re being nice and not just saying “We’re worried you’ll take hours to find it.”

Somehow they end up taking off and going home without me, I go back inside and find a classroom that I’m supposed to be in. I’m sitting in class, learning whatever (also muddled throughout this).

The teacher says “Time for lunch. Be back in an hour.”

I leave, and I go back to some part of the mall I was at either earlier in the dream or in a previous dream. I’m looking for one woman in particular…Because I want to have her for lunch lol.

I never find her. People see me and keep asking me if I’m OK since I’m just wandering and they all think I’m an old man with some brain funk (I felt like that for the entire dream).

At one point, I say “Yeah I think I’m just experiencing reconciliation. I should have know that would happen”

They all look confused, of course. I wasn’t lucid or anything. At no point did I think that may be a dream.
I just rattled off about knowing I’d listened to way too many subs and needed to work through the funk and let it pass.

fin

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Ah. Forgot to say. I woke up feeling kinda blah which slowly turned into a low-level feeling of sadness/loss. Which is fading now.

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I tried to do that with DRU. I did one loop… had to take a 12 day break.

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Throughout reading your post, I was going to say you done overloaded yourself. You beat me to it.

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No stack last night. I was waiting on some music to download from Apple Music but it was having issues and I just fell asleep while waiting.
so no subs while asleep at all.

I had a dream that we had a newborn daughter.
and she had some sort of medical problem where we could take her home but she had to stay hooked up to a bunch of portable IVs.
and she was 6" tall
I say tall, not long, because at one point, she ripped the IVs out, stood up, started walking around…playing as a 6" tall newborn
I’m talking she was like one of The Littles.
I remember feeling like “This is my daughter and I love her”.

My main stack during days right now has been a single loop of BILLionaire (terminus) and LimitlessQ.
Since I overloaded myself so much last weekend.

Dreams haven’t been over-the-top this past week.

I’ve noticed myself thinking of something which I’m actually pleased with. THIS is what subs are doing to/for me lately.

Cue 2 really lengthy stories.

Story 1 (My Navy Days)

In my days in the Navy, I was on submarines (I got out in 2005).
I was an electronics technician specializing in communications gear.
One of my “jobs” at sea was to stand a RADAR operator watch when we were on the surface (or the rare times we’d stick the RADAR mast out while still at periscope depth).

One of the functions of the RADAR operator is, when pinged by the navigation people, to get the ranges to 3 known landmarks in the vicinity to aid in getting a RADAR-obtained position fix, which involves drawing range circles on the charts from each of the landmarks to establish position based on RADAR ranges.

The navigation peeps also used GPS position fixes, as well as a few other methods, for redundancy.

They always had to log the “offset” of each method as compared to GPS.
I consistently had a 0-yard offset. Basically what my RADAR ranges got for our position was dead-nuts right on with what GPS had.

Everyone else was about 300 yards off when they ran the RADAR.

This was enough so, even the Captain (CO) asked me how I consistently got zero-offset RADAR fixes.

Also, a person from the submarine squadron who was a full-bird Captain at the time was a “rider” on the boat. He was there to gauge our battle-readiness.

This guy would go to different watch stations, ask people questions he felt they should be able to answer either right away (knowing it) or knowing where to find the answer. He had a real reputation for being a bit of a dickhead/asshole.

Really, though, the guy just had a certain expectation as to how people should do their jobs and be preparing themselves in “downtime.”

Due to my zero-offset position fixes, and how I answered his questions (I didn’t treat him like a celebrity like the rest did), I got a rare compliment from him which he wrote up for the CO to present to me as a letter of commendation as being the “best RADAR operator on the waterfront.”

My secret to the zero-offset fixes? The modern RADAR stacks have a certain number of “tracking allocations” you can assign to targets on the screen. It’s useful for tracking other boats, certain planes, without having to keep an eye on them each second. We affectionately called them tracking bugs.

Most RADAR operators would just assign a tracker to each of the 3 landmarks used and read those off when the Nav peeps asked for the ranges.

I got 300-yard-offset ranges at the start like everybody else.

But one shift, I was out of tracking bugs and so used the manual range finding, where you just put your finger on the thing being looked at. and it gives the range.

I read off THOSE ranges since I had no tracking bugs left.

A few minutes later, the nav peeps said “You got a zero-offset from RADAR to GPS! Bet you can’t do THAT again”…and I’ve never looked back.

The thing there was when you assign the trackers to an item, it only updates about once every few seconds. Could be 5 or could be 30, depending on conditions and how many items are being tracked.

I was giving actual ranges and not ranges that were already old a few seconds later due to us moving through the water!

Story 2 (at my current job)

With this job I’m in now, we use an app called TextExpander on Macs which you can assign abbreviations to larger snippets of text you might use fairly often over and over. It saves a TON of time typing those same things.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, we had a specialty queue I got assigned to with a bunch of my coworkers regarding some battery issues with certain products.

We all started using TextExpander and with TE you can assign actual keystrokes like the TAB key…so they made us a snippet to use which would tab through a few of the fields and drop the repetitive text in each field.

After a day of 2, they realized that notes were being saved incorrectly because stuff was in the wrong fields.

They forbade us to use TextExpander for this particular queue any longer. Basically said without warning “TE is now VERBOTEN for this because of the errors.”

I knew why the errors were happening. Some of the software they use for the other parts of the job and run in the background…they tend to interfere with certain apps, one of which was TE. It’d cause it to hang up…and the way TE works is by swapping data in and out of the clipboard.

I made it work by adding in brief pauses of 150 milliseconds between each field. So it ran slow enough the stuff went into the right fields 100% of the time. Not slow enough as to make it the same as typing stuff over and over myself.

Yes, they wanted us to cut/paste the same things from the same fields from each account that came up and do that over and over. So cumbersome.

No, I chose not to do that, since I found a better way. I didn’t tell THEM of course, since they had no vision lol.

I got pulled aside by a couple of managers a few days after this specialty queue was wrapped up.

They said, “I don’t know how you managed to do it, but you’re among the top producers for that queue. Your cases-handled-per-hour metric was almost off the charts. Here’s a $1K bonus for all you did to help us out here!”

SCORE

I keep thinking about those 2 experiences as examples in my life of “The way everybody else does something isn’t always the best.”

I’m an INNOVATOR!

I think perhaps the healing aspects of Limitless maybe helping BILLionaire along. The only real “healing” I have in BILLionaire is Rebirth, Limit Destroyer, and Wealth Limit Destroyer.

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These are power memories that could be used to re-enforce that your aspired to identity is already here now and has already been with you. I would encourage you to write down more such memories in a journal, here or offline.

I’m happy for you and proud of you man… of course, I might be biased because I’m a fan!

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In regards to the above story about the RADAR stuff, I realized there’s more to that story.
For the longest, I was the ONLY person trained on that particular RADAR unit, as getting others trained up on it was a bitch at the time due to operational commitments.

At the longest stretch, I was on the RADAR stack about 19 hours straight. The only way I could take a piss break or get food was for the Officer of the Deck (OOD) to have me power down the RADAR stack as nobody else could relieve me on the watch lol.

That 19-hour stretch is the one where the Squadron Captain guy interviewed me. Was about 10-12 hours in to that watch if I recall. I was already tired by then. I think that partially contributed to how I answered his questions without any fanfare.

The point of this post is that, as a result of the times I was the only one trained on the RADAR, I started joking saying “If you get too good at something, they’ll want you to do it more and more!”

But I think at some point, I actually internalized that belief. I’ve had other stuff of a similar nature which happened before and after the RADAR stuff to support that belief.

Anyway, me thinking about about that stuff is definitely multi-faceted I suspect. I still have that belief, and I think that ties in with the stuff about intellect in the other post above and not wanting to come across as “too smart.”

Like, it bugs me when most people PM me knowing I work at the place I work, and asking me tons of questions. I just say “Call support and they’ll be able to help you.”

“But, you know this stuff and you’re right HERE. Just help me real quick.”

Me (in my head): “Is my time worth NOTHING to you, INFIDEL!?”

lol

anyway. That all seems to tie in together. I need to get over myself and start flexing my brain more.

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Me: “Yes, but I’ll bill you for it, while they’ll do it for free!”

Them: “C’mon, you will charge me for one minute? You must be joking!”

Me: “Nope. My name is Bill. I bill everything." [in a serious tone]

:money_mouth_face:

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So I am done with my gym workout. Sitting in the car while waiting on wife to do the rest of hers. Takes about an hour. I usually listen to a sub.

Today it’s Love Bomb. About 17 mins in, I feel compelled to send an uplifting message to a lot of my female friends on FB. I just sent “Hey, Beautiful! Happy Moon Day :heart:” to them.

I feel like I’m high on whatever is in LB.

Disclaimer: I call a lot of my female friends “Beautiful”.
Just to clarify, I’m not trying to get hookups with all my friends.

I feel great right now and only halfway through LB now

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Went to bed and listened to 2 loops of BILLionaire ultrasonic.
I used some tracks of “Silence” which ended up like this:

A song to listen to
1 hour of silence
BILLionaire Ultrasonic
1 hour of silence
BILLionaire Ultrasonic

I assume this didn’t exactly coincide with REM sleep, which would be cool to dial in better.

I’m looking at using my REMDreamer device I bought years ago to trigger the playback of a sub once I’m in REM sleep.

I had a weird dream listening to this stack.

I’m living at my dad’s house. Local utility power is out, so his Natural-Gas-Powered generator is running to power the house.

My grandma (she’s deceased now IRL) is there living with us. She seems to be as old in the dream as she would be IRL if alive.

I still work at home for the company I work at IRL. In the dream, I just have the work computer set up in the living room to take calls on (big no-no IRL as the company requires us to work in a room with a door that can be shut).

I am working a 10-hour shift, but no calls come in for hours. After about 8 hours of no calls, I decide I’ll go take a piss.

Mid-piss, a call comes in. I say “FUCK” out loud…pinch it off real quick and am tucking it back away AS I’m running across the living room to get to the computer in time.

I answer, trying to help some customer find some order or information. That part is fuzzy and seems inconsequential to the dream overall. The call drops as I’m looking up information.

I can’t get the guy back, so I put my computer back into “Available” so I can go piss the rest of the way.

I ask my dad “How will you know once the power is back on if you’re just perpetually using generator power?”

He says “The street lights will come back on.”

I said “Ah, right. duh”

I go piss…then I’m headed back to my work desk, and grandma says “Can you make me a sandwich since you’re up?” and I say “A call could come in any minute. I’m not on an actual break, just had to finish pissing.”

She pulls the Grandma card “I’m old and can’t make my own sandwich what easily.”

I reluctantly make her a sandwich and grumbling the whole time. I think she can hear my grumbling, but I don’t really care if she does or not.

The dream ended as I was making the sammich, so I don’t know if another call came in.

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That dream probably meant, get this, you had to pee.

nah. I woke up and went back to sleep. lol.

Headed to bed very soon. The stack I just built:
Iron Throne Ultima
45 minutes of Silence
Diamond Ultima
45 minutes of Silence
Mind’s Eye Q

4.5 hours total. Exactly 3 sleep cycles If I don’t make it out alive, it was great knowing you all :wink:

I’ll post tomorrow what the dreams are like.

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Mind’s Eye will have a much lower volume than the Ultimas.

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You will make it, am cheering for you

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That’s why I put Mind’s Eye last. So it wouldn’t jar me awake.

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Crazy dreams ensued. I’ll post them when back in the office. Not fond of phone “keyboards” for longer stuff.

As posted above, the bedtime stack was:
Iron Throne Ultima
45 mins silence
Diamond Ultima
45 mins silence
Mind’s Eye Q

Mind’s Eye was last since the volumes of “older” subs is lower than that of “newer” Ultimas.
Didn’t want MEQ scaring my ass awake lol.

Dream:
I’m in a (you guess it) shopping mall. The exact same one.

I decide to go to the 4th floor since that’s where (I’ll call her Brenda) works. Brenda is someone IRL I kinda developed a thing for, and it was mutual. She decided a while back we are better off not exploring that, of course. Long story there.

Anyway I’m taking the elevator and for some reason, when I go to push the 4th floor button so I can go see Brenda in her office, I suddenly press all but buttons except the 4th floor. I think there were 8 in this dream.

I’m pissed at myself, like “Why isn’t my fucking hand just obeying me?”

Someone gets on the elevator, and says “You know she isn’t even here anymore. It’s over man.”

This guy is some sort of “concierge” I think. I tell him “NO. I’M NOT GIVING UP YET. YOU TAKE ME TO HER RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

He rolls his eyes and says “fiiiine”. He presses the 4th floor button since my arm won’t do it.

We get off on the 4th floor, I turn left…walk about 100 or 200 feet down the hall, hang a left to to the hallway that goes to her office.

Her office is open…she isn’t in there…nobody is. It seems abandoned.

Weird thing? I can’t even enter. My legs aren’t working.

I see the office appears abandoned from where I can see out in the hallway, and I turn around and say “Fine”.

I then go down to the first floor and exit the front door…start walking toward my van which is in the back ass crack corner fo the parking lot…I wake up before I get to the van.

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