KHAN + WANTED. Foxdie's Journal

Khan ST1 – Day 16

  1. I dreamed of being in a dilapidated house of a country man. He had the entrance door that was closed with a padlock but even if it was closed it could be opened from the outside. I didn’t feel safe in there. At night ghosts appeared who terrorized me a lot I tried to close the door but it didn’t close! Before the ghosts appeared I was out and a donkey on the farm ran away scared, I tried to chase it but it was far away.
    The following day we decided to escape from that evil place in a van but I left my father there! I remember going back to that house once again to protect him from ghosts while he slept.

  2. Two girls are watching me today. The ugliest kept glancing at me.

  3. I feel more confident. My confidence has increased and I feel more genuine and healthy. I had no problem talking to others, saying what I think and joking with them.

  4. With a female friend that I like, I was a bit in need of her attention and I was trying to talk and humor to get her attention. The less she reacts to me, the more I react to her. It has to change.

Do you think that adding an Ultima some Times with Khan St1, like The executive or Limitless executive can slow down a lot or confuse tge subconscious? I was thinking of them for a boost in motivation while studing.

Khan ST1 - Day 17

  1. A lot of vivid dreams about sex and women.

  2. I need a boost to study for an exam. I listen to Limitless executiveU until the exam leaving Khan for a bit.

  3. Little report of the yesterday evening:
    we were with a group of girls and with two of them there seemed to be something good. There was a girl from those two that often looked at me. She seemed interested and was cute. She then from a sudden said a phrase: “I want to say to you that I see you disgusting”. She told me then it was just the lyrics of a song. I was a bit shocked lol.
    Like the last time, I found myself not knowing to much what to say or do. Then they left.
    Then there was a very young girl. She gave me those looks and those innocent smiles she was so tender. With her it seemed to go well, I felt comfortable with her and spoke fluently with no problems.

  4. Finally I noticed that I hardly ever touch girls, I think I am afraid of their rejection.

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I also noticed that today I feel the urge to run Khan. Is this can be considered stonewalling?

You have vivid dreams. This is a result from subs, so youre not stonewalling. Could still be recon or something though, ive heard of people getting recon that tries to sabotage themselves by running far to many loops. Idk if this is the case for you but keep that in mind that that is a possibility.

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I only run one loop a day for 3 times a week.

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We’re still discovering how many loops a person can run on QV2 before stonewalling , recon, and overload hit. It’s a very new upgrade. Is 3 times a week too much? For some people yes. For others, no.

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I don’t feel overwhelmed for now. let we see what happen next.

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Following your journal closely.

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Khan ST1 – Rest day - (done Day 18)

  1. I woke up exhausted despite having slept and been tired all day.

  2. I have been a bit listless to do things and feel slightly uncomfortable for no reason.

  3. I’m losing some desire to train.

  4. A lot of vivid dream during night.

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Others have said this before about khan, but boy it can tire you out.

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A question arises: how do I take time into account by listening 3 times a week? Do I consider the actual listening days or do I consider the whole week as 7 days (3 listening and 3 off), for the number of days I am listening to the sub?

Khan ST1 – Day 19

  1. Something about Friday night came to my mind. My female friend, I found her by chance in my immediate proximity to brush against me with her back turned to me, twice, as if a magnet physically brought her always to me. Is it a coincidence or is it unconscious physical attraction? My constant idea of ​​her is that she don’t like me, maybe I say that because she is cold to me or so it seems this to me. Who knows what the truth is. Is it also a coincidence that an other friend if mine repeated the argument that this girl that was unsconscoiusly touching me and I were a “couple”, by joking?

  2. Even today I feel tired. I will take at least 2 days of rest from tomorrow.

  1. My desperate search for how to attract a woman has greatly diminished. I always found myself long ago before going to sleep to search the internet from the phone for topics in the female field: what women like, how to seduce a woman, why women like assholes, etc …
    This need to know would be justified were it not for the fact that I was doing it in a desperate way.
    I feel freer now from these constant questions that I had.

  2. I have little desire to go out lately.

  3. I feel a strange sensation in my chest that “whispers” to me that things will be fine with a mixture of slight melancholy. It is hard to explain.

Khan ST1 – Day 20

  1. Yesterday night I wanted to hit on some girls but the problem is the usual, I don’t know what to say or do.
    There was a female friend of mine too that I’m very attracted to, but she ignore me and I’m not have the guts enough to try it with her. She is beautiful!
    Thinking about yesterday night, the common divisor is fear of rejection. I was afraid to greet the new girls, to be in their proximity, to talk to them alone, because I am afraid of being rejected by them. I haven’t even tried to hit on my friend, because I’m little scared, I’m afraid she’ll tell me “no” that she looks at me with that sense of disgust. It would hurt me. I wish I could express my sexual desire and interest to her without fear. How can I do? How do I resolve the problem?

  2. I dreamed I was at a party. The girl who organized it was an acquaintance of mine in the dream and was a person of high status. Before the party, we were a bit attached together and I kissed her, but she didn’t seem to like it and she had gone away.
    Later, at the beginning of the party we were looking for each other among the people. I don’t remember if I found her or not.

  3. I feel a sense of bitterness and disappointment. After yesterday night and maybe because the dream.

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  1. After last night all my insecurities are coming to the surface. I never know if a woman likes me or not because I’m not sure about myself, who I am or my abilities. I don’t know if I’m enough, I see the women I like on top of me and I always think I can’t do it.
    Last night I watched a girl who was there, continuosly. I glanced at her because I like her and also as a way to get her attention. She reciprocated me and sometimes smiled. Despite this I don’t know if she liked me or not or if she was smiling just because she made a joke at that time etc … I’m not sure about myself so every indicator of interest of a woman seems to me not real because I don’t think I am worth enough for them and therefore it is impossible that they are interested in me.

Actually, imo you never know if a woman likes you or not because you never risk getting rejected. If you would ask these women out you would know very quick. You may possibly get rejected by all of them, but then you’d know and you could focus on other women. My 0.02

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@SargeMaximus you are not all wrong. What really blocks me is the fear of rejection and so many other things that I have listed, that create a big block for me with women. I have trouble proving my sexual intent openly.

Have you ever tried direct sexual online game?

Do you mean showing my intent directly, in chat?
No, I haven’t.