But. Bottom line.
Fear of putting myself first.
And I don’t know where it comes from. Oh yeah. So this is what I meant by “Am I a good person”?
Is this who I am? Am I inherently good and the world is just selfish? Though, I do not think I am pure. Certainly not. But I seem to have this insane sacrificial complex.
Where does it come from? 
Oh yeah. Another epiphany. Though my parents were caring and loving, they were also extremely irrational in their discipline. My father would hit me over picking up the wrong salad because in his mind “My father beat me up, this is how fathers are.”. And my extremely overbearing (though loving) mother… who would guilt trip me about everything. Always forcing me to please her. Not that I was a fool. I always subconsciously saw through her. I’m smart. As fuck. But maybe that’s where it comes from. (all of this happened in my childhood, age 4-10) (Also, my dad was never actually around, saw him only one month every 2 years)
Maybe this need for always wanting to please my mom, otherwise she would guilt trip me, is where this shit comes from. (Although, now I am more rational, and I’m ‘displeasing’ them plenty by doing what I want, BUT, THIS WANTING TO SACRIFICE AND PLEASE IS SHOWING MY IN MY OTHER RELATIONSHIPS)
Fuck. YO. GIVE ME SOME GLAD TIDINGS. 
IS THIS GON GO AWAY? @SaintSovereign @Fire
That’s a rhetorical question. How very ENFJ of me. (;
The reason, it seems as if I am a bit confused, is because, I don’t know if I was born to be like this or these habits were deeeeeply ingrained within me by my mother.
More knowledge. About girls.
There are two types of girls.
Hehehe. Some more knowledge. About subliminal use.
When under recon, it is like having weights attached to your body. Though, this is strictly in the social and romantic sense
When I am going thru recon, I know what to say, I just have to literally, force myself to say it, despite the supposed shame and… extreme resistance. And ignore the hell that breaks loose inside of me when I say it.
Remember when @Simon Said that that the acute effects phase was like the trailer of the movie (end result)?
Excellent and beautiful analogy. Cuz that’s what the fuck happened. I went thru the acute changes and I was like, what the fuck this is sick, then the deeper issues started getting addressed, whereby, I was fucking freaked. Where did my swag go? Recon.
But I am scared. Does this recon go away? Will I come back to the “movie trailer” part of my sub journey? @SaintSovereign @Fire
I am forever optimistic.
All of this talking is pissing me off.
@Fire said it best.
Man grows in the forge of fire.
But. I think I get it. If you are born in a cage, you will live your whole life, believing you are not free. (Butchered the quote. But u understand.)
And that’s that. That’s my golden principle. That’s the one thing that holds me back the most. The hardest. The deepest stake in my subconscious.
“If you are born in a cage, you will live your whole life, believing you are not free.”
Alluding to my mother’s overly controlling behavior.
I ain’t got much trauma. But the trauma I do got. I know what it is. And it’s huge.
Honestly, guys. This is it, for me. I might even make a new journal (though not right now).
I identified the main wooden stake in my subconscious, preventing me from going after what I want.
Heh. I can stop with subliminals right now, and take what gains I’ve made. But, I’m gonna keep getting my hands dirty. And go deeper and deeper. And emerge a beast.
So. Was that even real? Did I even had fucking reconciliation?
What the fuck was that humbling little talk I just gave?
I couldn’t said it better man haha
A few things:
I think you are experiencing reconciliation.
Please do not run Dragon Reborn any time within the next 90 days.
Please do not put Khan stage 4 into a custom subliminal until you have finished stages 1, 2, and 3 from the main shop.
Please continue to listen to stage 1 of Khan, but consider running it only 3 times per week.
Okay. Thank you.
What’s interesting about reconciliation, is we can easily see it in other people, but we’re sometimes blind to it, when we experience it ourselves.
If you think you see it in someone, please feel free to point it out. If they want more information about why you might think so, refer them to their quotes. I think it’s important to help each other out that way.
Good suggestion.
Khan makes me so calm. And don’t get me started on the “immovable” part.
It makes me so immovable, that, I don’t think any woman, even naked, could tempt me, if I didn’t want her to.
The social dominance is real too. On Emperor, I would add the word “dog” if I explained something to an idiot. Now, instead of leaving the word “dog”, I leave mystery.
Why even bother? Why get angry? When you can be a mastermind instead? Now, I’m all about being real, though. Sometimes, if you have to get angry and show it, you do.
A girl corrected her friend by saying “DarkPrince is Genghis Khan”. Within 2 minutes of talking to her.
I don’t usually journal this kind of thing, but, thought this one was slick.
Oh yeah. Another thing. Girls are always so shook. Face ass. At how authentic and masculine I am.
American women not used to masculine men, always be shook.
[Moderator Edit: Language]
“When you do things with your soul, you feel a river flowing inside you, a joy”
This is what I meant earlier. By always doing what I truly want to do or say.
@lovage How did Emperor + Khan go for you?
I’m really fascinated by Khan, but it’s so focused on women. Imagine if seeking women was geared towards seeking power. And if anyone wants to say “conscious guidance”, I would like to see you elaborate for me how you would go about guiding the subliminal.
Using subliminals like Khan in high stress situations is akin to bliss.
It feels so good to exert your masculine strength onto the world.
Conscious guidance will be
Those are the ideas that come to my mind.
