Thank you 
I tried my first loop today and it made me lie in bed for an hour just flowing on the currents of love, totally present and in the moment.
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Must say after day one of Sacred Heart Custom, the aura is different. I have used Love Bomb for almost a year on and off, but this is just so much more profound.
Will have to wait and see as Iām on a three day washout, and have had some minor recon in form of thirst but apart from that I feel amazing.
Did a Metta meditation today and time almost grinded to a halt during it, and the sensation in my heart and going upwards was really intense.
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I wonāt lie, I keep having sporadic bursts of just love emanating from my heart area and it sends chills throughout my whole body 
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Still three days after my loop of Sacred Heart I easily slip into heavenly states in my metta and relaxation meditations. Also it led me back to the simple heart coherence techniques from the HeartMath institute.
Iām going on a 24h cruise ship again with my best friend on friday. I guess that is where Iāll definately will be able to see just how different my aura will be.
After about 1,5 months back in a city again Iām more or less used to a city again instead of a forest. But still Iām noticing the effects of having been away from society for more or less for 1,5 years, I tend to always prefer calmness before the orderly chaos I experience here in the city. Itās kind of a mixed bag, I donāt feel lonely at all, but I do want to socialize more than I do.
Iām just mellowing around mostly on my own, I have gotten to know some people but Iāve noticed that I rather just sit on a stone by the water watching ducks swim around 
Last weekend as I went home after a trip to the bar, I just randomly entered a bliss state.
It was kinda funny, and also randomly that the song that came up on Spotify was 'Walking on sunshine with Katrina and the waves lol. I walked into a burger place filled with drunk people, and here I was just walking on air smiling from ear to ear for no reason at all. Well, society sure does look different to me since 2020ā¦
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This is a wonderful journey and journal, @Tobyone.
I found myself nodding in agreement to a lot of things you said especially with regard to masculinity, femininity, forgiveness, love, solitude, PUA and growing up. Time does teach us a lot of these lessons if we only let it do so.
The Sacred Heart custom is wonderful (awesome name too). Are you stacking it with Khan?
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Well thank you
I know, itās hard to just stop suppressing oneās desires after been relentlessly programmed to do just that. Itās all backwards, we hide our intentions and therefore making it worse and more dishonest.
Yes Iām stacking it with Khan. On stage 2 right now and will transition into a Khan custom with st4 in a while. Did 2 sets of Total Breakdown just before this.
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Whatās it like running ZPT^2? Iām considering building my custom in ZPT or maybe even ZPT^2
Curious to know what youāre experience is like so far 
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Hey,
So far itās been good, it packs a punch for sure. For me love subliminals is a bit easier to run and that affected my decision. I would not make one with Khan or another heavy alpha sub in ZPT^2 as an example.
I think ZPT is a good choice if you can handle it and also if you have a streamlined subliminal with only one or two cores.
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Good to know, thanks for the insight!
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Late night reflection as I sit here eating my low quality burger and anticipating the early sun blinding me in the morning due to the oncoming daylight savings shift in a couple of hours.
Khan works in a steady and non-apologetic way of pushing me into a life of complete independence. My mind at times feels lost because Iām not able to fall back on being a bit in the shadows. People invite me left and right, but as the night progresses and the intoxicating effect of alcohol on people grabs hold of them, they slowly fade away, slowly but surely disqualifying themself in front of me.
This I find strange and Iām not used to it, but I slowly realize that its because Iām the leader, people wait for me.
Again, my mind is just; hey Iām just a human being, but although one that has relentlessly for a decade been digging into the darkest corners of his pshycheā¦
It dawns on me that I now have a redicoulus level of self-awareness and that I just sometimes sit and smile from ear to ear seamlessly together with the soft and smiling eyes until it almost gives me facial cramps (hey I see you there Chosen and Enchanted Smile), and all for no reason at all than just to soak in the moment.
Enchanted smile I see as a major, major module becaue most people donāt smile when they want, and thus miss the wonder (hey I see you there too The Wonder) and joy of just smiling without inibition.
I focus on my heart space and just flow in the moment knowing that Iām just fine where Iām at, which is always and will always be here. This little computer game of life that Iām living in a soup of ocillating energies and frequencies.
Not a single look or situation really faces me anymore and I feel for people around me being a bit off-put by it not knowing how to react to that. Hey, neither do I until this has become ingrained in me that I can live my life the way I want. I can just walk into a burger joint like today among mostly drunk young people and fold a paper plane out of my receit and being highly amused over the repeated attempts at making it fly perfectly into the dust bin.
No one seems to be able to connect to that, but I kind of know whyā¦ although Iām not 100% sure in the way of it yetā¦ A small portion of my old ingrained behaviors are still popping on the attention at times wanting me to go back to pretending to be normal and blindly follow social etiquettes.
So it is a bit strange! I have no old friends left or things to fall back at, Iām in a new city and lost for that passion that I feel is wanting to jump out furiously out of my heart. But I can feel it lurking there just below the surface of what seems like a perceived reality.
I belong to no crowd, I have no social gatherings apart from a few fleeting connections that come and go. I have not had sexual intercourse for over a year now, not that Iām not getting looks and flirts, but just that I cannot hide the fact that Iām not interested until I feel that bamboozling feeling of being swept away by that one (but many) feminine forms of beauty.
And this is also part of my healing process of not holding back in any way whatsoeverā¦
Pulled am I being by my natural desires, but also by the monkey animal brain that before in my life made me go to places and flesh that was not really in my hearts desire to indulge in. Itās not about quantity but more about having those few rare moments of being totally swept awayā¦
Met yesterday a middle age woman. She found me and hovered into my presence, and she kept appearing all the time out of nowhere. In the later part of that late night I found myself having an amazing hard talk with her. She opened up like a book and cried several times in my arms. Iām not surprised anymore with these kind of amazing human beings that I always tend to find, the ones that has the most cruel upbringings among pshycopaths and hardships. I listen attentively because I just find it so intruiging to just listen, and honestly that is all I do, I just listen because I have nothing to teach.
I felt her being more into me, but itās just not there, the spark is not there, and Iāll happily just cherrish the memory of having had such a deep connection with her, and where she shared things so personal that she has not shared with anyone else ever in her life. The art of listening, and that is just from having known her for an hour or so.
Now, I know in my deepest being that I just need to step up to the plate all the time. I decide by how Iām presenting myself to the world just how the world will treat me back. There is so much beauty all around, but thereās also so much suffering and lonely people.
Iām not lonely, Iām just by myself, and what else is there? I remember the first set of LEGOās I got when I was a kid. So many possibilities, I wanted to build the world, I wanted to create and make cities, I wanted it all. And in a sense all those legos was just a physical representation of all the building blocks that I already possessed inside.
I already forgot what the point of all these words was, but Iām just writing with little care as what the final post will look like. These are just my LEGOās for today, my way of putting something out there. I said in this journal earlier that I was striving to detach from the validation of the world, but honestly its all about disconnecting from what I think the world is, and to rebuild it in the way I want it to be like. And what that is exactly, well, that is too early for me to say exactly, but Iām just chilling and trusting the process to harmoniously do its thing.
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Interesting insights. Thank you for sharing.
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I tried out playing Khan St2 ZP for 7 minutes instead for the full length today. Definately made it less dense for obvious reasons. What comes to mind for me would be if you have 2 ZPās to play in one day is to prioritize the full length of one of them and run the other one half to lighten the load.
I canāt remember who said it recently about Toal Reprogramming, that it literally felt as if someone was actively pushing his shoulders and posture backwards. Today I had the same happen to meā¦ and it resultet at first of my having strong posture in my upper body, but also almost falling forward because I have not been stretching my hip area lately lol.
To sum it up I had to go home and stretch and the problem was fixed. I do already have good posture but it can for sure improve even further I realized today. Also what it did after I had stretched, was that I could really sense that I was walking perfectly smooth on my feet, which resultet in a flowy kind of walk and a good balance.
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I have gotten some really good intel on my reconciliation pattern lately on ZP. Last week I pushed it a little bit and during my three days of washout I had this up and down pattern of being very thirsty, followed by going to pee like ten times in a matter of a couple of hours. This showed up late in the evenings all three days. In between these periods I experience a lot of flow.
This week the same pattern came back but only for 2 days, which was expected because I was following the standard listening recommendations. But the last three days I have been experimenting with 5 minutes and 7 minutes of exposure per sub.
So today I played only 5 minutes each and it sent me into a very grounding and uplifting mood for a couple of hours. Later around four hours after the loops I got the same pattern of being thirsty and peeing, and that was much quicker than before, usually it takes around 8-10 hours for it to show up.
And also, this period only lasted for about an hour rather than a around 3-4 hours usually. So it seems that my new routine of listening has shortened the process and allowing for quicker results and bloom.
I find both ways are yielding results, but if one does not want it to affect everyday life too much I prefer the smoother one. And also it saves time going slow in the beginning and watching with more awareness, than to go guns blazing and be in a blur and being less aware to actually see whatās going on.
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I was sitting with a newly found friend yesterday at a bar when a random guy comes up to me and says; Special Forces, I knew I recognized you! I was like, well I do some push-ups everyday but no you got the wrong dude man 
He looked at me and said that my body language made him believe I was that guy. Khan Total Reprogramming I guess lol.
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When you push against anyone, they subconsciously push back.
When you donāt expect them to be different, they open to you instantly. - Ram Dass
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Speaking about subliminal messages, I checked my adblock on my computer yesterday. In 2 years it has blocked 500000 ads, that is a lot of adsā¦!
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Khan is a fun little project for me. I have always been a guy that floats around, a chameleon of high ranks. And now after been away from a normal so called life in society for almost two years, I notice the same pattern, I never attach.
I have been in a new city for almost two months and have made a few rare friends but still I am drifting. Out group bias is something Iām an expert on. It makes it a thousand fold harder because Iām always the one on the outside and people are wary of strangers.
But Khan is the social alpha type and I can feel it pushes me to action. Today I was in total flow at the bar, but I also had one of those nights where I just felt like not talking to anyone but just vibing to the music. And here I am perfectly fine by being by myself but also thinking, whatās the point of living in the heart of society and just being by myself. I never invite people, I just observe all the time.
Part of me is thinking that I despise the way most people entertain themself by chugging beers and shots and ending up just drunk and in a daze. The alcohol culture in this country is kind og fā¦ck.d up.
And maybe this (most certainly) is the way I want to live my life. But then begs the question, why arenāt Iām just doing whatever I like then? I wanna flow, I want to be the life of the party sometimes, but always inside my own peaceful temple.
I have to find other activities that donāt involve alcohol and drunk people, I must have a bad imagination. And also when I see women in bars and nightclubs I donāt see and meet those women that tickles me on the inside. Maybe I should join a book club or somethingā¦ Itās just not fun having people behave in overt ways just because they have some liqud courage.
Oh how I miss my forest and small cabin in a way, itās so peaceful there. I speak to my new friend from Marocco, and he says the same, Sweden is so cold, people donāt reach out, thereās no energy, no sprawling cafes where people just join in at the same table talking about life.
I agree, and he says that Iām not Swedish in a way, and itās kind of funny because the best interactions Iāve had is with people not originally from Sweden.
Ah life, ah death, time to go to sleepā¦
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Oh, and forgot to add. Everyone I meet waits for me to take charge, my presence is that strong now. I am the leader which puts me in the driver seat whether I like it or not. So I see the problem right now, I just keep by myself
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One thing that hit me and which has been a theme all my life, is that I almost never invite people, I just expect to always be invited. This is so clearly something I developed as a defence mechanism growing up. Never inviting people means I could not be rejected, but also meant I was feeling rejected most of the time beacuse I expected to be invited all the time.
I noticed how I still uncinsciously do this even today.
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Just re-stumbled over this old document called the āthe secret covenant.ā First time I saw it, I was very triggered by it. But nowadays I find it a bit humorous and a good little reminder of the darkest corners of our psyche, and just how many stumbling blocks are out there on the quest for truth!
https://ia801803.us.archive.org/2/items/illuminati-secret-covenant/Illuminati_Secret_Covenant.txt
Donāt open it if you are sensitive to these kind of things.
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