Journey of Leadership & Love

Journals - Major Programs
#41

So First week of washout :

The “shocks” I had while attempting to fall asleep went down in a few days after stopping the AP sub, coincidence, I think not !
So I know now that it’ll definitly be a great help and that it does the job it’s supposed to no question asked.

I had a period of void but it was more due to local problem and having to forcefully deal with the real world without any escape for it, and no it isn’t from not taking action for the sub, that one was really only for a whole set of reasons that I won’t lay out here because it’s my own problem.

I feel good so far and I think I’m good to go for another week to make sure my brain is well rested, I’ll still pursue my meditation & natural work for my OBE goal nonetheless

As said I think more and more that I’ll just use my custom along AP when the washout end. Stop the playfull discoveries of the subs and shiny object syndrome, now 2 main goals in view !

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#42

Little update :

With my inner work and probably the mix of Stark and maybe Primal Sed to some extent, I just can’t take anymore bullshit, my ability to endure bullshit has completly vanished, so I’m becoming somewhat of “I don’t care I don’t need to explain myself I just feel that it’s not right and I’m acting in corelation to it”

If I feel you’re fucking with me (not you ofc just to explain) even only on a subtle level well prepare yourself because I’m going to point it almost right away and if you act like it’s nothing well you’re out of my life, plain and simple
It could be for a lack of honesty or by your own malicious agenda Idc you’ve become less visible than a ghost for me

I like that, I feel like I’m taking more care of me by protecting myself. Plus I’m staying polite even if I can tend to raise a bit the voice if I have to repeat myself more than twice, that I should tone down even if I’m right it won’t help my case, I think ?

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#43

As far as productivity and intelligence how has Stark helped you?

#44

The first thing that comes to my mind with stark is something I already wrote somewhere in my journal :

-If I don’t do something as soon as I can I won’t be able to stop think of it and the more I wait the more I become anxious about no doing what I should to ease my mind
I was quite the "I can do it next week. I can do it tomorrow. I can do it in the afternoon. Oh shit I got 2 hour left Song activated : Brainpower " And not so much anymore so yeah producticity shoot up through the sky I have now some sort of OCD :joy: (ok maybe slightly exagerated…hum maybe not I don’t know ahahaha)

-As for intelligence I’d say I’m quicker in talk, I was already decently good in debate but If I ended on someone just ok- good I could get some trouble if he finds the narrative that I’m weak on, now my impro level has strenghten so I can think more fast about quick links to react to stuff I haven’t thought about and make actual sense and great points. And my general memory has improved but that I don’t know if I can attribute it to the sub it’s just something I’ve noticed while studying stuff

So in resume : quick acting on task and quick wit in talk improved

#45

Little update :

Today during the night I woke up and got pretty much conscious, the fun part is that I was able to see clearly what I though about, could be a room or a specific place or even an object why not, I would’ve seen it around 50% of what the real room/place/thing would’ve been wich is huge for me it felt as it could almost be physical. It feels like progress for me in the matter of projection so in correlation to the AP sub in his washout phase

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#46

Little update :

I’ve observed with the washout and AP in the background of my mind that when I lay down or just sit and meditate, that I feel more easily deconnected of my body wich is really really usefull because it was one of my main blocage, it also come with a slight touch of being something more than just a mere human

I’m so happy of all those little details are starting to add up, you’ll see M.World you deprived me of an easy experience I’ll triumph in the end by my obstination with my excellents tools like this sub Ah-Ah !

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#47

2nd week of washout :

End of the washout today !
I’ve made a suuuuper long and detailed dream tonight it felt like I passed a real time afternoon in it. It was quite realistic too, but in term of meaning I really don’t know what I could make of it.

I feel more in the “zone” like I’m closer to my goal to be able to counsciously project, I’ve got an easier time separating the frontier between mere thoughs coming by and my will, wich sometimes give me weird days were I feel like I’m not really awake but it tend to disappear if I do a workout (best way to ground myself so far).
The opposite is also true, I can feel so anchored into reality & in the moment wich, as I’m not used to it, make’s reality a bit “unreal”

So let’s see tomorrow how I’ll react to my new custom and APx !

#48

How do you feel now after the washout?

#49

I felt more calm and also I have less mental fog and also less mental “weight”, now I feel like 2 sub at a time is really the max I should’ve done.

When I listen to my 2 loops a day now I don’t feel any type of recon or anything trully, I just get the good side of the subs slowly working for me.
Imight go back to 4 loops a day in a month or two to see if it could help get better result and no recon, if at that time I’ll experience recon or something else I’ll judge too heavy for my mental clarity I’ll go back to 2 loops a day.

#50