Journal: SFI – by Akin

[Akin]

. rest day .

I’m not going into the fame scripting, but I’m loving SB.

The resilience part is on, and I can see myself moving toward something extraordinary even with adversity — even with events that seem to be “taking me off” my path.

I see this calm presence within myself that says: “Keep going. Keep with the sub. Keep trusting the best it’s unfolding. Take another step.”

I’m eager to see what this can manifest in the long run.

That’s it. Resilience is on around here, and I’m noticing the difference it’s making in my life.

[Akin]

. ASBR - 26s .
. rest day .

I’m feeling pretty impatient today and a bit fed up with masculine figures who come in trying to assert authority in some way. Last night I had an experience like that with a police officer, and today here. I think my subconscious is working through something related to that. Anyway, I’m observing myself.

Yesterday I had a lot of revelations while observing the collective — like noticing what it takes for a group to function well. I went to a music arrangers’ graduation, it was really beautiful, but I was in this transcendent state watching them. Finding it beautiful and getting a bunch of insights. I hope my mind doesn’t just file these insights away ; I want to be able to translate them practically into my life, even if only for the future.

Yesterday my assimilation of the script was different, because I started to see the script as me, not as something external making me act. I mean, to ask myself what it would be like if I were already who the script invites me to be.

Like, “Can I really become this person?” Could that be me and not just an impulse coming from outside, triggered by a sub? I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s what I’m experiencing.

[Akin]

. 2 rest days .
. ASBR - 45s .

Crazy things have happened lately, along with many shifts.
Here’s a list of recent events:

• I left my friend’s place, where I’d been taking care of her dog, and when she got back from her trip, she gave me a gift. She thanked me so much for staying there and told me it completely changed how she enjoyed her trip, knowing I was the one holding down the fort. It brought us closer again in such a beautiful way - especially after a disagreement we’d had this year.

• I went to a party and met this gorgeous girl who was clearly into me. I didn’t end up making a move (my loss), but just the interactions I had with her were enough to boost my self-esteem a lot. In the end, I found out she was the DJ of the party and a very socially influential photographer in the city. The flirting was great, and she actually “came to my direction”. Finally, women are starting to approach me without me making an effort — before, it was only men.

• I was supposed to stay at another friend’s place, but it fell through (long story), so I ended up coming to my dad’s house. Being here with this new mindset has been good — I feel more confident and secure than I have in ages.

• I’ve been meeting more people who move in more influential social circles and feeling like I’m on the same level as them .

• Everywhere I go — every party, every event — I’ve been getting noticed. I’m expressing myself in a way that feels much more sensual and magnetic naturally.

• I’m also way less hesitant about making new friends and far less afraid they’ll cross my boundaries.

[Akin]

The last day of this cycle is today. This has been one of the best cycles of my life. I’ve never seen a sub fit me so perfectly. ASBR is one of the best subs I’ve ever experienced, and I have a strong feeling I’ll keep using it for a long time. I can already imagine who I’ll become by staying consistent and disciplined with it. I consider this cycle a success — a lot of inner growth.

Anyway, in the next cycle, ASBR will be part of it, and I’ll also add one focused on money and wealth. RICH and RoW are on my radar.

Also, when money starts coming in again, I wanna try SSX.

[Akin]

ASBR + RICH are set for next cycle.

[Akin]

. Washout - Day 03 .

So, I’ve been experiencing some pretty crazy things in the past few days that I think reflect beliefs like :

• “There’s no place for me”,
• “I have to fight to have my place in the world”
• “People will hate me if I’m just myself”

I keep attracting countless situations that bring me this challenge, and often feeling my body in a state of alert. I’ve been trying to pinpoint where it comes from, but I don’t have exact clarity. Still, it’s a very deep point in my existence that makes me want to hide instead of just being and enjoying the good things life could offer me.

[Akin]

. Washout - Day 06 .

I had a really good weekend because I traveled with two friends to Chapada dos Veadeiros (the city I went to 2 months ago that unlocked so many things in me). These friends are from my Core Energetics training, and one of the best parts was that I didn’t need to spend much money because one of them has a tiny house there.

Another amazing thing is that this friend is the wealthiest and most prosperous person I know, and just being in her presence gave me insights, access to new sensations, a lifestyle, and groups of people I would have never reached on my own. In short, I experienced a flow of abundance — including relational abundance.

I also had a very important insight while I was there: basically, my blocks and limitations (professional, financial, etc.) are totally correlated with my sexuality — with how I express/perceive it and with the blocks I carry in that area. Since I feel insecure about fully expressing my sexuality and don’t see myself as worthy, it gets in the way of everything else and creates a big hole in my self-esteem.

I can feel ASBR working on this, but that insight made me want to use SSX soon — to “unblock” the flow and give me the experiences I want right away, so I can move on to other areas and free the flow in other parts of my life.

It’s not decided yet, but I’m between SSX and RICH to pair with ASBR for this cycle.

[Akin]

But I confess I’m afraid of listening to SSX and having my life revolve only around sex, forgetting about the other important things.

[Parsifal]

Just a general observation many in here made:
When a sub we run works on a specific topic, this topic gets more conscious focus as well.
We then tend to think like: Oh, this topic is important. I need to run a sub, specifically for this topic. While in reality the subs we’re running are already solving this issue.

So maybe ASBR is already working on the sexual issue and that’s way you notice it consciously and consider running SSX.

Just food for thought.

[Akin]

You know, that really made a lot of sense. Thank you. And afterwards I also had the intuition that ASBR has built a really strong momentum and is working exactly on the areas I need. So I’m going to trust that and stick to the original plan — which is to add RICH, to give a specific boost in that area (which also feels more urgent right now).

[Akin]

. ASBR - 1min .
. rest day .

Basically, a situation came up that showed me some really deep aspects and patterns in my soul that need to be cut and reshaped if I want to move forward in a new way in my life. My ex is still a big mirror for me, and the depth of our connection still brings up deep challenges — I realized I was still trying to protect her at the cost of self-erasure.

I became aware of all of this over the past two days. We had a more serious in-person conversation. I still don’t know how I’m going to deal with it or how long it will take. But I’m aware that I need to stop erasing myself under the excuse of “taking care of others,” because that’s not actually helping me move in the direction of my own life, goals, and dreams.

It’s like I keep putting them aside in the name of some kind of “loyalty” or “nobility” of doing things for someone else. It’s deep stuff. I’ve been immersed in this for the past two days, with a certain sadness and melancholy.

[Akin]

. RICH – 25s .
. rest day .

RICH came in as the booster of all boosters when it comes to finances — direct and surgical. It went straight to the point. I don’t want to go into too many details about what it is working on, but I felt a lot of energetic movement in my body after the very first loop (a lot, in different moments). Also, I noticed a bigger openness to the energy of action.

Some synchronicities popped up here and there too, with opportunities flashing in my field as possible sources of income. On top of that, it was the most exhausting loop I’ve ever listened to. I really needed to sleep a lot, to the point of having to stop in the middle of the day and even get into the car just to nap because I couldn’t handle it.

I think I’ll need to reduce the ASBR exposure I’ve built up, just to play the game in a more balanced way.

[Akin]

. RICH - 25s .

Tonight is party night and RICH just got me a free glass of wine.

The night has staaarteeed !

Later

[Akin]

. ASBR - 45s .
. rest day .

A lot for just one weekend. Basically, I met the four women I feel the strongest attraction and romantic connection to, and I had to navigate the dynamics of interacting with them, noticing their differences and what I expect. The whole weekend was about seeing how I relate, how I want to relate from now on, and what is or isn’t attractive to me.

I had meaningful experiences with 3 of them and I’m still digesting.

One of them is my ex. She has noticed the changes and wants to be with me again. I’m facing a dilemma because I don’t know if she could handle the new person I’m becoming.

At the same time, our connection is so deep that whenever I move forward in my growth, she feels it. I also feel this desire to ‘walk together’ and wait for her, but the truth is I don’t want to slow down my growth for anyone. I guess that’s “the paradox of relationships”… and I’m still figuring out.

[Akin]

I also had a very important conversation with someone from my artistic environment — probably the most important one I’ve ever had there — and I feel like it untied some knots that were holding me back from flowing.

[Akin]

. RICH - 25s .
. rest day .

During the third loop of RICH, I felt an energy of dispersion and a pressure to act even without knowing the way. I had been in a grounded internal place after ASBR, but the RICH loop brought up layers of fear and distraction, disconnecting me from my inner feeling. Maybe it’s working on very specific blocks and sensations.

I feel ASBR doing precise work within me, and I want to maintain its momentum, but alternating loops are breaking that flow. This made me reflect on what I really need right now. My main priority is ASBR and the inner state it creates.

In a few days, I’ll face a bigger decision requiring maturity and grounding. I might need to let only ASBR kick in to solidify the foundation.

But I have two options in mind:

• Let these three loops settle and use only ASBR as the base, trusting its momentum.
• Let these three loops settle and test RoW to see if it synergizes better with ASBR.

I’m leaning toward the second option because I considered adding RoW to this cycle and want to feel the energetic difference it brings to ASBR. I’m thinking of doing microloops of RoW while increasing ASBR exposure during the test.

[Akin]

. ASBR - 25s .
. rest day .

Basically, I’ve been living many experiences in the realm of romance — in terms of quantity — but they have brought me deep reflections.

I also started reading Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, and I feel this book is going to change my whole life.

Questions that arose from these recent experiences and from reading the book:

How far does desire take me?

How much is my sense of worth tied to being desired by others?

How much do my sense of value and my wish to be desired by everyone overlap?

What is my real value, and what do I truly desire?

Who am I, and what did I come here to do?

…

What remains of this temporary identity that fades away?

What remains in me if I let go of attachment? arrogance?

What remains if I let go of identification with the ‘I’?

[Akin]

. ASBR - 55s .
. RoW - 15s .

I felt a good synergy between the two. It’s still early to say, but I felt a lot of calm coming from RoW. I’m looking forward to the insights. I’ll see if it works to listen to both together or if it’s better for my nervous system to listen to them separately.

Other than that, I woke up with the feeling that I was late for work and had to get up right away (I felt a sense of excitement for having something to do). That’s new.

[Akin]

. rest day .

I spent the day studying about prop firms, watching videos about rules and risk management. Besides that, I watched many videos about people who have different paradigms around money and wealth, observing what arises in my body when I encounter these ways of seeing life.

I also had restless dreams — I believe I dreamt about something related to my soul’s mission and dreams involving family members.

[Akin]

. washout - day 04 .

I started the washout a few days earlier, because my system had an overload of information.

It’s the second week in a row that I’ve needed more rest after a bigger exposure.

But what also happened was:

• Revealing experiences last weekend that made me question my whole sense of value and my desires and made me think about the consequences of some actions and my real motivations.
• A very deep ThetaHealing session with ancestral clearings about purpose
• Meditations with Yogananda’s photo for a few days, where I felt direct energy transmission to me
• I’m also finishing a 90-day meditative journey with sacred geometries, which brings deep clearings on subtle levels. I’ve reached day 70, and this practice also requires energy and space to assimilate.

So, I’m in a space of assimilating many things at the same time. I need to let all of this settle until I no longer feel my head pressured and aching. So the mood is: integration days.