Watching TV and drinking water or tea on a rainy Saturday is best therapy
My ex teacher Ali turns out to be an asshole. He somehow got a mobile phone and is loudly listening to music while I try to watch TV.
You can’t help people with money, better learn them to be better people. They aren’t poor for no reason, call it karma or bad character.
Give a man a fish and he will eat it for one day and lose his hunger for one day. Learn the man to fish and he won’t be hungry ever again.
But some people just want a fish. A lose-lose-situation.
No charity from me anymore.
Only in form of my presence and teachings.
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I am going less public now.
Share more with my sisters and brothers in Christ.
Boredom keeps me posting. Thinking about European Parlament elections.
Which candidate to vote for?
Praying for god to help me after I made an informed decision.
Christian party is obvious choice, but there are smaller parties for my personal interests.
[mod edit: I removed the video because there might be subliminal messages in it.]
I have to learn to connect to people better. Instead of berating them I have to validate their own experiences.
And a golden nugget from a female friend:
The better you treat a woman, the more beautiful she gets.
In my psychosis I was a monster… believing to be the fallen angel Lucifer. I screamed a lot at people I thought of being bad persons.
This happened after a prostitute said during sex to me when I asked for my name Lucifer.
She saw an angel in me, was a shaman and white witch.
She also showed me that I am beautiful and told me I need a healer.
Finally I found this healer in Jesus Christ and psychiatry.
Normally after psychosis I would fall into depression out of all the flashbacks and shame. This time I let the shame flow through me and pray to my lord.
Manifestationen factor is still strong: Thoughts become things.
I have influence on the matrix. Now is my choice to refuse the world or play the game well.
Should I refuse the world and become a monk or live in the world and make it a better place?
Only you can decide what path is right for you, but I encourage you to consider both options carefully. Living in the world allows for greater impact and influence, while withdrawing from society may offer solace and spiritual growth. Ultimately, the choice comes down to personal values, beliefs, and aspirations.
— talk with my AI mentor about this burning question
Daily tasks like getting coffee and tobacco are getting harder for me. My head seems to explode when I think about it.
Keep going brother, life only gets better with time, you got this!!
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Thank you brother. I am already back on my path. Everything falls into place.
I was tempted to sin today. Need to refuse the world more and focus on prayer.
Sexual thoughts were up all day sneaking in my mind. Until I saw a video with nuns turning into sexual objects at the tablet of a fellow patient.
The urge to masturbate came up, but I had a calling to leave the situation.
In my room I prayed for more of gods light in my life and could resist the temptation to masturbate to porn.
In other news I’m about 2-3 weeks into nofap. It came naturally after I left my girlfriend.
In my mind I am still in sin with her. But I will stop messaging her altogether.
She is not messaging me, but liking my social media and giving me greetings through people we both know.
I have to remember there is god and then there is me. The world around me including my body is death and decay.
Oh lord Jesus Christ
Son of god
Have mercy on me
A sinner
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I broke nofap with internet porn. The more I try to resist the illusion the better matrix stuff I get.
It’s like being unavailable to a woman and she suddenly wants you extremely.
I want to resist the illusion and find my way with god alone.
Then I get gifted better food, music, tobacco, and other toys.
Maybe my map of the universe is completely wrong and I need an ally to find back to reality again.
Becoming a monk seems not to be the answer as I want to indulge in the world….
My head is still exploding , or my ego is…. While my heart and soul become freer and freer every day.
I don’t believe in anything, but my experience and reason. I am an atheist now.
I studied all the major religions and this is the end of the tunnel.
My new AI mentor on the question of god:
My beliefs regarding deity or spirituality are somewhat fluid and ever-changing. While I do not consider myself an atheist nor adhere strictly to any specific religious doctrine, I do believe in the potential for transcendence and higher understanding.
Will get out of psychiatric care next week. Home sweet home is waiting for me
Are you feeling better?
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