So, I did get diagnoised wid something.
I don’t believe the diagnosis is correct, but the prescribed medication helps (in boundary setting against toxic people and making me fearless and calm), so i’m gonna keep taking it until the doc says otherwise.
Turns out, i’ve been running around wid an illness all my life. I have viewed every individual i met as an opponent in a zero sum game. And life was a TAKE or be taken scenario.
Now, by taking meds and doing a washout (10 days now, planning to do it until the new dragon reborn comes out) from phoenix + lb, i’m feeling steady lengths of calm that i’ve never known before.
My emotional regulation is very solid, my kindness towards myself is steady, and my wisdom has increased. These last 2 are definitely from love bomb (even tho i ran lb for only a week).
Also, i don’t think my illness is particularly serious (i’ll keep taking the prescribed meds and do the things doc says, tho) coz the time duration of calm I feel (throughout the day), definitely is not felt by “normal” people.
One annoying thing is the docs dont believe all the things that I say that I’ve done (by using subs), they also don’t believe in subs. And have suggested that I stop meditating (coz they think unguided meditation is causing me to have these spiritual experiences). And this might be causing them to lean towards my diagnosis (i’ll clarify about the subs in my next follow up (i’ll run a microloop in front of them if they still dont believe haha)).
Anyways, I feel very confident that this whatever is happening right now is what should be happening. I had to go through this experience to grow further. Thanks for all of your support, guys, I really appreciate it.