thoughts of utter hopelessness, sorrow, and hate/frustration in my opinion are the heaviest, therefore instead of allowing them to run their course you just use them
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It’s still 15 mins.
You’d be fine doing the 3/5/7 protocol, however, as it is Terminus, I’d recommend you to take a couple days off after the first loop, to see how it goes.
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Spent the last night checking for new apartments to move in to
This is a manifestation due to many reasons that could be infinite but logically:
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I want to live alone to train very hard, or with someone who has a drive as hard as mine
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I need a utility bill proof to open my Etsy shop (for my art company to actually begin making good money)!
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One day I’m going to need even more proof of consistent address to apply for a passport that is American
So content right now let’s see how it goes
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back from training, 9:47 pm and i got work early tomorrow moving
I am getting better at taking cold showers, at night. I am realizing how silencing the mind is the best course of action when under pressure, I see how this can help me grow as a fighter
OH AND MY CUSTOM ARRIVED WOOOOO
I also vow to dissociate myself from politics and petty matters, to reverse my karma entirely into good and to always treat people exactly how i want to be treated, I dont need bad karma following me with this lifestyle as it’s going to take hella zen
i saw a young man walking with a “free tarot reading” sign and i asked for one as a nice little entertainment, I used to religiously ask for tarot readings but these days i like to not take them seriously.
the guy told me its a chaotic and hectic time, things go up and down
correct
I’m starting to understand things as I watch fight videos.
That exhaustion I feel that even after I get a good combo in a fight usually used to take me off balance mentally. I’m realizing now how tough one Hass to be to be a fighter that is worth his metal. To always be focused on the fight and who is winning him or the opponents rather than how exhausted we are
Also I listened today morning to my custom before I went to work for three minute loop
Wow
Some results came flying in, Achilles heel is one
Fearsome is another
Skeletal system too, I’ve had a foot pain for days and I was always wishing I could crack the pain away
Did that today
Spartan also made a funny manifestation
Listening to music in the morning On the way to work In the song on YouTube music plays next called this is Sparta
I have to write down my results from today in my moving job. This older lady was being moved out of her son’s house and was my most smitten woman since I began running wanted. A voice inside me told me it’s the best day of her life and while that may or may not be true it must have affected the interaction. She loved me like I’ve never been loved before. She also said her son Kyle was on Saturday night live and wanted to quit
In the end she begged her son to give a tip and asked me for a hug before saying she wanted to adopt me
Apart from that, I had a hard time today staying focused on envisioning what I went and generally flailed in focus left and right, I didn’t eat last night at all before training and even after
When j woke up I ate only a handful of almonds so I can take my cod liver oil and beef bone supplement, I didn’t eat until after work which lasted from morning to 5 pm.
I felt dizzy at the point but I grabbed myself and said no I must be stronger than this I can’t just allow my body to Weaken
I decided to be strong, I held myself high and kept imagining that my hunger is making me strong and more eager to win rather than accept that I am weakened physically
It worked, I felt my heart pump harder and got a second wind. Then I went to trader joe after work and got a healthy meal of veggies and eggs
Amazon had a video interview with me the other day so that I can open my dropshipping gig. waiting on a receipt in the mail to verify
Etsy wants a utility bill from me and I cannot get it. Hopefully in my new place next month. Until then I’m happy to work as a mover. It has been my Bread and butter ever since I got here in teaching me patience and resilience. Work is hard and can easily frustrate but I don’t allow it to get to me thanks to all the training I’ve had
Voice in my head keeps telling me to stop thinking at all!
That’s my new place and every single money issue will be solved on its own I guess for me I just have to focus on my fighting
My Definition of something I’m proud of currently, I wake up and I take a cold shower at night after training when I’m cold and tired and hungry I take a cold shower I dance around I keep my mind clear, I envision how it is to fight and do this pressure of just being exposed and naked
I go to work in the morning without a jacket in San Francisco and it’s very cold I just take it because I’ve become very tough
One thing I wish was better with me is my focus on the prize I want to be able to dream of being a champion day and night instead of allowing my thoughts to stray left and right
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Today was the day I truly solidified the bloom of wanted
I planned to write in ultra details but I’m exhausted and I don’t want to break this habit of writing daily so I’ll just say that my moving customers have always shown a tinge of lust or attraction towards me. It was always welcome obviously but they never really broke that professional boundary between us. Yesterday I had to go to San Jose for a move and for the third job in a row the female customer completely broke character and began to breach my inner space
Today the lady was director of operations for a mental health office and there was even a point she got lost in my eyes. Character broke down almost instantly after we began the job and at some point she was about to drag me by the shirt so I could take a break and eat the breakfast she wanted us to have
My colleagues are absolutely astonished for the third day in a row, and I have new colleagues every job
It’s also funny to note that all my moving company are Soviet country Russian speakers and I’m the TOKEN non Russian speaker
This has always to me been the funniest wanted manifestation as we all look badass together
Then there’s me, the quiet one, occasionally saying thank you in Russian in a deep voice with my comrades
My custom terminus loop whilst only three minutes hit me very hard
Achilles heel worked instantly as this is the only message I’ve ever gotten from the manager regarding anything other jobs
Fearsome worked because two days in a row I’ve “startled” people that literally had their face to me while I approached
Again i don’t use fearsome to scare others (in the ring, yes, I’ll be a demon)
But due to my experience with the module it says “those who wish to harm you will feel fear”
So it’s good to know who’s that person !
I ordered some travel bags so I can move out of here soon and begin looking for an apartment
I was getting so sick of San Francisco and going to San Jose for a job really blew into my soul a very deep and wide breath of fresh air so im grateful
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This is definitely a support ticket question.
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Today was insanely interesting to me, holy moly.
I made up with my room mate, I really stepped out of myself
I slept for about 14 hours and woke up to an SMS by him saying I should clear the whole room by tomorrow, and I fought back viciously saying i shall involve the police.
Then I sent a message saying that I know better, and I am sorry, that all of these items are his
and he should sell them to buy a shiny new tattoo (this came out with a venom as I was internally thinking he was dumb with his spending expenses) But i quickly turned and began to change my cheek
I went out and I began to detach myself completely from my ego, I then sent him a heartfelt message telling him that I truly believe our meeting was of a divine order, that the volatility of how things ended was a necessity as to facilitate both of moving forward, and that he IS world class artist. He agreed, told me the ties were cut and that he knew id do a killing too.
At this moment i found myself so detached from emotion and body that i walked for hours with one thought re-affirming to me constantly.
“Fear is a concept”
I was detached so hard from my body I had an absolute fearlessness to death, I was detached to pleasing my senses, and even thought I quit smoking weed 4 days ago to further my fight skills, I bought a joint with strong conviction and flow. I WANTED to use this energy to write because “The gentleman warrior’s way is of the pen and the sword, and it is vital he have a taste for both”.
I then went to this park that has many LGBTQ+ people and lots of weed being smoked, while I lay face down on the floor playing games and smoking a joint (I went to buy it from my room mate’s shop that he works at) he left instantly upon seeing me for his break, but i continued.
“Fear is a concept” smiling i asked for a good sativa and i used it to continue to meditate upon the fear concept i was possessed by. 3 dogs ran INTO MY FACE as i was laying down playing hearthstone.
I heard an “OMG” because this park was very crowded and full of people, it’s called Mission Dolores park and it’s packed on saturday’s/
BUT I DIDNT FLINCH, even internally
“fear is a concept”
it was amazing.
- Bought a pack of expensive and organic wonderful looking granola for my room mate
-gave it to him and we locked eyes, i saw the boy in his eyes and he saw the boy in mine as i said to him “I DO, respect you, man” I almost teared but i decide not to.
- SMILED ALL DAY, LOCKED EYES WITH GIRLS IM SURE GOT WEAK IN THE KNEES FOR OVER 2 SECONDS IN A ROW.
-Gave 20 bucks to these 3 kids selling sweet stuff to “fund a trip to madrid” and told them i dislike sugar so i wont be taking a pastry. I did this not to look good, but because the girl (as i was passing) looked up at me and mumbled “BuY We raising fund for madrid barcelona” followed by this DEFEATED LOOK IN HER FACE THAT challenged me.
I stopped and turned, I knew i had to teach her that things can look bright even when you’re so sure that it’s GAME OVER!
-Bought matcha, talked to this gentle tall asian boy at the matcha place that seems to crush hard on me, I aint gay but he’s very well put together externally so I have a lot of respect for him.
- walked into an indie comic book store, had a short convo with a young female that held a boyish aura with a buzzcut and otherwise, very standard glimmer in the eye of someone who is young.
-walked into an art gallery and saw a shorter asian hottie there that i smiled to
walked to a painting of a bonobo
me: " Hmmmmm, This is is my favorite!"
her: “Do you know this Bonobo? that’s it’s name!”
me: “Oh? Hmmmm squints at name Yeah I don’t! actually… "
her: “You should get to know him!”
me :“arent they vicious?”
her: " Ummmmm…really? But his eyes are so gentle…”
me : goes into some stuff about what apes are bla bla cousins
OH WAIT NOOOOOO
ME:" OH MY GOD NO! chimps are the vicious cannibals, BONOBOS HAVE SEX TO ALLEVIATE ANY ISSUE!"
as you’d imagine, firework ensues now as i swagger out and point my long muscular arm at her (im 5’9 but 7 foot in my heart) and with a soul piercing wink i bid her a good day. This happened before i ran into the 3 soccer kids trying to go to a tournament in Madrid.
Oh and also i now have an amazon store open i will use for drop shipping, my letter receipt came in the mail, i shall allow a girl i really like to do it for me and shes very on board with using her wits to aid me (she is also a subclub user thanks to me)
cool, i also wrote an article for my blog for the third day in a row and it struck hard.
my knee hurt today in intervals and i know this is sps legs and skeletal system working in tandem. I also squatted fully down and pointed my feet neither outwards nor inwards but forward a to strengthen my legs and i sat there still reaffirming
“fear is a concept”
euphoria ruled the day, i must say. i enjoy normalizing pleasures and success both.
first thing i did in the day was booked my hostel for tomorrow, i guess im about to be back surrounded by beautiful EURO girls… (ive been in this hostel for a week upon arriving in san fran while i was on khan stage 1, while i was internally in a war and i couldnt enjoy them…I now bring them god in male form)
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I am also realizing something
over the last 4 days, I have turned two situations which old me would have allowed to turn into a full fledged grudge match drama into situations of love and growth
in Muay thai 2 days ago, I had tried to tell my clinching partner a tip on how to raise his hand higher on my head, and not on my neck, as to maximize his leverage to which he snapped “Okay id really appreciate it if you didnt coach me”
i responded by strengthening my neck to all his advances to which coach came and said “dont be so strong bro just relax allow him to work” and i MOCKINGLY smiled and said " I am sorry bro." robotically tapping his shoulder
this attitude while starting off as sarcastic, actually possessed me, eventually we were very very close and i felt the blossom of a bromance.
This also happened with my room mate, i started off with a sarcastic insult (acting nice overtly) which eventually possessed me as i began to look into the best parts of him. He is my brother forever, I have imagined many times today both of us being at the top of our crafts and meeting from time to time with our street slangy syrian style that made both of us laugh so hard.
sarcasm and insult, acting nice… eventually became nice, I am playing 4th dimensional chess because : fear is a concept.
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also i remember this moment i had during all my experience with that therapist lady during my moving job. While I was unwrapping a couch we moved for her, she wanted to help hastily.
I calmly told her to “Relax don’t rush” to which she replied
“Oh yes im a woman” now i dont know how she meant it but i replied
“I’d say this to you even if you were the strongest man, see my foreman tells me to relax and not rush too”
i think that net her heart, ofc i wanted her heart sex is not on my radar for now, imagine that
USING WANTED AND NOT WANTING SEX.
I have very specific goals for wanted in relation to my divine purpose.
stay tuned.
i can even imagine myself being the greatest being there is and still having funny moments in my highlight reel and laughing at myself truly.
I understand that journaling here is unlocking a lot of my inner potential towards life
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i also find it astonishing how much muay thai progress i can get with this custom after how well it has worked in only one loop. I am feeling a lot more pragmatic and fearless in my approach to life
Imagine a year on this, I truly do believe i can maintain a beautiful world
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New day. I moved out early today after the heartfelt day yesterday with my roomie. This hostel is elegant
I went for a walk and got a fifteen minute foot massage at the china town here, it was so effective I felt it in my hands. I ate at a nice place some sea food noodles and a lot of my walk was possessed by me trying to debate a member of my art community that is set in stone within the belief “I have illnesses and they define who I am and that’s okay and I do my best” while I tried to instill a mentality of being healthy and thinking healthy, did my best
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Just listened to a wanted 5 minute loop after days break following my three minute terminus custom loop
I’m very nervous but I know what is happening behind the veil for me so I’m keeping strong
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so its 10:30 pm and im going to practice writing backwards, meaning writing events back from now to the morning. I’ll even put them in bullet points as to make my journal less of a burden to digest for viewers.
-cooked a meal in my hostel (keep in mind it’s very small, social, and I sleep in a room with others)
-took a cold shower, 8 minutes and I am getting a lot better at doing it too.
-was at muay thai training, today was boxing sparring and I went pretty well. Initially I didnt feel anything. But I began to realize the gold of the custom when I started to see myself improving drastically as training went on and on. Achilles heel seems to work hardcore too and is going to be invaluable to my furious rise in this sport. I got hit in the jaw and it hurt a lot due to my TMJ and i am of certain belief that it’s bringing my jaw back into healthy alignment as i spent the whole day rubbing my jaw before training (not a coincidence) i know this is skeletal system working
-I walked for 33 minutes to reach my training
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I napped hard and boy was it needed, the morning and day was rough with recon due to my 5 minute wanted loop yesterday
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I walked to trader joe’s and got food, I had a bad taste in my mouth from recon and a morning event with a girl so i had a hard look in my face at the register, the girl quickly softened me and we began to talk. we laughed and we bonded well, her name ws Arica and i enjoyed her.
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I walked a lot during the day looking inside myself, this bullet point right here was the strongest gold, I kept getting signals from within that everything i think is super far is only a few feelings away. I remember being hit with something overwhelming like “I can’t believe people act and think with such weakness” due to an incident i had earlier in my art community. But I broke the habit by thinking “This is the job of the leader, to stay strong despite all this” and that was followed by a huge surge of euphoria as if i unlocked a new door, I looked up to see an older 40 year old lady staring at me intently. I knew i unlocked something and i know some more secrets now.
spent post morning talking to a girl who sleeps near me in the hostel, she cut me off a lot and she was super into gender issues and such and I allowed her to do whatever. But in my walk later i decided i dont want females like her in my life and im glad i was strong enough to be good.
got up to free breakfast and made 4 hard boiled eggs.
OBSERVATIONS:
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I have to find a way to build hip strength as to destroy in Muay thai
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I am ABSOLUTELY astonished at the changes ive forgone in these 6 months, I remember coming to this hostel in my first week ever in SF and I was like a mouse. Now…I am smiling at everyone, I hold an aura of pure confidence and charsima, I buy cookies and treats and label them “free” every day for everyone. I always greet people, I call everyone sir or miss
-i WAS nice all day and when i sensed someone was trying to disrespect me i didnt hesitate to snap at them and they backed off.
- I feel the burden of Khan lifting off my shoulders. I listened to it for 8 months. This is not to say its bad but think about this imagine you do an intense hardcore workout every single day for 8 months and suddenly you “retire”
this is how I feel.
MORE OBSERVATIONS, SAME DAY AS ABOVE POST
- there was a big tall man who was good looking at muay thai who i sparred with. He went hard in the end and I did too, as soon as the round ended i bowed and apologized but he put his ego up and said “Know i didnt start that”
I ended up going to him later wiht another bow and he still insisted on being right, I don’t mind
“How exhausting to be him”
“Champions don’t carry burdens when we are kind to others, we are just -that- strong”
-the girl sleeping in the bed next to me is jealous of me and i can see it in her sour attitude, contrast to her sweet voice from yesterday. imma call her cat. She also affirmed to me something i told the dude the other day from the Khan thread about women. some just arent cut out to be with you if you’re great and that’s just fact.
-this big tall and really beautiful bodied front desk girl is absolutely smitten by me i dont think someone has been so stare-y with me since i got here, I wonder how it’ll go hmmm, she literally just came to me to ask if im happy, she has a very rowdy attitude too so i know she’s my type.
GODLIKE Masculinity, USE IT MEN. It did wonders for me in 1 cycle i feel like the richest, strongest, and most amazing man alive.
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Listening to my ascension chamber loop
beginning from events prior to now.
-had a shot of alcohol with 2 guys from my hostel, he offered me soju and i gladly accepted despite otherwise abhoring alcohol.
-talked to him about how i make money coaching muay thai on craig’slist, it seemed to give him good confidence (otherwise, he talks a lot about how hard it is feeding his family, despite being here in san francisco in a good hostel, strange…)
-Met a brazilian man who claimed he worked all day, from 7 am and was unwinding, said that he had this camera on a stick for 3D shots and called it his “toy” seemed to be a wealthy man with a good living, he lit up beautifully when i said he looked 21, after he told me he was 41.
-I was at the taco tuesday here at the hostel, I made a killing with the girls, one was talking to me fixated and i caught another looking at me lustfully when i turned.
-I took a 10 minute cold shower, had to walk shirtless infront of everyone and boy did i look good.
-took my after muay thai training walk home from the gym, i went into a grocery with a yemeni cashier that i became friends with. I greeted him like we were brothers in a past life despite only knowing him from yesterday.
-was at muay thai, had a godlike training and my stance has improved dramatically.
top focuses from today’s session:
- keeping my guard tight and not too wide with my boxing
-eyes on my opponent’s mid chest and nowhere else. - keeping my body as one piece moving forward or backward.
-not trying to impress anyone or anything other than defeating my weak spots
-awoke from my nap to a spanish girl in the bed next to me (all beds r next to mine, this is a 4 bed dorm methinks) and we went from having an idle conversation to having this very bonded connection like we knew eachother for years, she giggled a lot with me.
-took a nap
-walked around the city and got a burrito. I came to terms with all the “bad voices” in my head that ive been trying to defeat for months. I let it go because i realized the more i try to fight them the more they backfire on me, I should just accept that I have traumas and as long as they stay in my head and don’t influence my outside mood or action, I am fine. I came to a strong relief in this knowledge.
-had a heartfelt moment with the big and buxom girl i talked about, the front desk girl. We had a long talk last night until Midnight where she had to leave the front desk and in the morning she called me over just to hold my hand and call me beautiful (to which i replied she was beautiful) and tell me how brave i am. it seems last night touched her