Day 10 ~ rest
Maybe if we took a purposeful pause before posting something….
We wouldn’t need to delete it…. 
How I see myself through my physical eyes versus the camera lens are completely different.
Had this discovery last night while staying at a beautiful suite near the river in an old historical neighbourhood of my hometown city.
My dad’s family immigrated here from Germany in the late 50s. I’m part of the 2nd generation here.
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Day 11 ~ LB full loop
Listened to it while in bed and dozed off briefly. Took my time getting out of bed.
I just saw this quote on my fbook memories from 14 years ago:
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
I’m over here focusing on creating the perfect love within myself. It’s not the easiest of journeys, but it’s definitely worth it.
I used to seek it in another which never lasted without becoming controlling of situations and outcomes. That got to be exhausting.
I am provided with experiences daily related to love yet I find myself feeling suspicious. What’s the catch? I’m glad to have this awareness though.
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Qualities of the heart ~
Gratefulness
Thankfulness
Compassion
Love 
Day 13 ~ full loop LB
Listened when I woke up and fell back asleep for a bit.
My dreamworld has been full of solving mysteries and quite puzzling at times. I’m also cleaning up a lot of messes in the dreamworld.
I went lucid briefly making glasses become goggles because I was by the lake.
I have a slight recon headache.
Ordered more choline. 
Cloudy day so I couldn’t sunbathe.
Added some Celtic salt to my water earlier.
I’m a bit more snappy with certain people over the past few days. It’s like I just wanna be left the fack alone when I’m processing. Hermit mode. Can’t really be a hermit with a teenager to parent though. 
Overall, the dynamics of my home are much much better at least.
I called someone some not very nice words for struggling with quitting smoking. There’s a part of me that never understood why it’s so hard for some people to break addiction to substances. It’s always been easy for me to stop something if I don’t want to do it anymore. Maybe some people are trying to stop something to please others when they actually don’t want to stop themself. They may actually enjoy the habit.
I feel that I’m working through the need to control and also the ability to let shit go that’s not good for me.
I don’t enjoy the daily hustle and bustle of sameness.
Spice up your life 
Believe me, I tried to stop porn abuse for about 20 years. Didn’t work. Also with many techniques I learned. I was able to reduce the impact and frequency, but had regular relapses.
Only KB solved the issue. And I don’t know how
And I know from brain scans that the brain reacts similar to porn as to cocain.
Wowza!!!
I just wonder why it’s easier for some to stop while others struggle for decades it seems to try and stop.
For me it was a coping mechanism because everything was to much.
Falling asleep atm. Good night 
Day 14 ~ rest
My icky not so kind recon dissipated by the early evening in my home yesterday.
By doing loving things the headache passed. The judgements passed. The anger and sadness too.
My 4 year old woke up and told me that she likes that I set up her stuff for her on the futon before school. What a ham! She comes back for extra hugs and kisses before the school bell everyday. 
When I got back from dropping her off, the neighbour cat came to see me. He is always at my house now!
I had to be pretty direct with one of my followers who said they feel drawn to me. Setting boundaries is so much easier now when I stay in self love.
Edit: one week left of solo LB cycle. I’m proud of myself for following through with good self discipline.
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Day 16 ~ rest
I’m feeling somewhat agitated like I’m ready to just scream at my kids, but I’m not going to. When I have all 3 of my kids together the energy can be pretty intense.
14, 11, 4.
I’m acknowledging this while breathing and allowing it to pass.
This phase of the LB solo cycle has me processing a lot.
My dream world was crazy last night. I dreamed of a man walking around with an automatic gun shooting people. I couldn’t find my sandals to get away. I was shot in the chest and my son got shot too. I didn’t see him get shot but I was conscious of it. I went a bit lucid.
I went to a hospital and refused any medical procedures other than just removing the bullet so I could leave. I got the bullet and it was crumbling in my hand. I was worried there were remnants left in my body moving through my bloodstream.
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Day 17 ~ full loop LB
I forgot to mention my experience on day 15 listening day.
I went to a cafe which turned into a long conversation with the owner and then an older man. I was so focused and deeply engaged in both conversations that I decided to skip yoga.
The older man said I sounded like a Jehovah’s Witness. 
I grew up in that religion and still have family members in it.
I’m currently sitting in front of a beautiful lake beach view with trees and birds all around me. Soaking it all in. Grounding my energy.
My wanting to scream at my kids experience passed on by in the afternoon, but then I felt waves of guilt quickly transmuted by love.
I was gifted $700 a couple days ago.
I had a new client come for coaching/healing package 2 days ago and they emailed me a very positive post session experience with their wife.
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Day 18 ~ rest day
I had crazy action packed dreams again last night.
My Jeep, my bike and my daughter’s bike were stolen by an old friend of mine. It was so strange. I was trying desperately to get it all back. They left a different Jeep in the driveway that was white.
The exterminator came and took us away to some strange place. I can’t recall the details at the moment. I was trying to convince some woman to help me get my stuff back.
My mind is something else.
Sometimes you just need some quiet time, some solitude, to be centred and still, to strengthen and clear your auric field.
I’m enjoying the morning sunshine with my mushroom coffee and good music. I began to sing a bit but noticed some insecure thoughts creeping in. “What would others think of how I sound?”
“What if they shut their window because they don’t wanna hear me sing?”
I totally let that pass with love and revised that moment.
I sing because I love to sing. I believe I have a beautiful voice. When I put the focus back on myself I enjoy it more and the judgements fade away. I have been singing since I could talk. Crying at birth sort of counts as metalcore singing? 
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Day 20 ~ rest
One more day of this cycle. It hasn’t been an easy one for me.
My family law lawyer suddenly dropped me as a client after weeks of not responding to my calls or emails. Due to this I was able to find out she wasn’t doing her job completely as my lawyer. I’ve been thinking for months I was waiting for a court date. She never filed for the appointment in August. 
I have spoken to several lawyers and filed a complaint. I may be able to get back my retainer fee. I may also be able to get free legal support. Maybe.
I’m wondering which subliminals would help me in this next little bit of crazy.
I want to get exactly what I am asking for knowing in my heart it’s what’s best for everyone involved.
I don’t want to attract a weak lawyer or any doubt or fearful thinking.
I need a shark!
Or maybe my ex will finally agree to settling without lawyers and court rooms.
That’s the most ideal scenario.
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Key to the courts comes to mind. But is it incorporated in any major title?
Will to power perhaps?
My mind started building a custom aournd this two elements already
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Will to power has been on my mind lately.
I’m contemplating a cycle of SB + Will to Power + Seductress
Not sure about dropping LB though.
I could let it bloom…
I plan that as well. Keeping it for one more cycle, than rotate it for Primal. Letting it bloom.
Perhaps at some point a custom with LB and Primal. I feel drawn to this since it feels very close knit in my case.
I think Primal could be for me what Seductress is for you.
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