I know several men are afraid or needy of women, or they simply hate them, because of past experiences.
Now my question.
How can one love and appreciate women?
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Run RegenerationZP and heal your personal traumas.
If you have a specific reaction to 4 billion people on this planet, itâs most likely projection of your own insecurities.
Thus, healing your own issues will heal your relationship(s) with the other gender on all levels.
(I used âyouâ here in general)
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Start by loving and appreciating people in general.
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Continue by listening to and appreciating the stories and experiences of women from whom you do not want much of anything. (Trying to genuinely love someone well when youâre busy constantly trying to get something from them is a very complicated juggling task. Start with something easier.)
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Now try (and fail) to apply that same genuine interest to someone you want to bed. This last step takes longer, so budget 15-50 years. By that time, youâll be older and it will hopefully have gotten a little easier.
Thatâs it! Voila!
Possibly tangential side note:
When you see dogs playing in the park, how long does it take you to tell which ones are male and which ones are female? Yet they know immediately.
Gender is powerfully meaningful to us; but I suspect that if truly different intelligent beings came to visit us, theyâd probably be hard pressed to even discern the difference. Humans have a relatively low level of âsexual dimorphismâ. About 15 percent.
Anyway, that 15 percent difference can still be freaking huge. It is to me. But it can be helpful sometimes to remember how ridiculously biased we are. Wonât cure anything. But every little bit of wisdom helps.
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As a woman, I can tell you that I canât stand needy guys. Theyâre so creepy.
What kind of love and appreciation do you want to feel for women? There are different types of love and they all have their own level of appropriateness depending on the relationships that youâre in.
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Of course you do, because - maybe subconsciously - you know that if a man is needy for you, he really just manipulates you to give him his fix.
Not just sex, in general.
So you are being USED and manipulated and not seen for the person you are.
What I just wrote is unisex btw. but itâs the underlying reason why âneedyâ never works out.
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The opposite of needy. I cannot explain what kind of love, I think love is universal. But I want to focus on love and appreciation, a lot of people speak about those terms, but the question is how to develop/grow those, as the exercises @malkuth wrote.
Women feel your love and appreciation or the lack of it. I want to have an uncommon approach of getting sex, sex would be the byproduct not the goal. Obviously almost any men women want sex, but it is best to get it in a non needy way. Think of Hank moody.
I have a question for you @lrw
How do you know/feel when a man loves/appreciates you even if it is the first time you see/know him? What does he do?
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Youâve come to the right place for getting advice on developing an uncommon approach for seduction. The guys around here seem to have their favorite style that works best for them individually.
The guys that Iâve seen that come across as needy tend to have a desperation about them because not that many women want them, and I think that it has to do because of their poor social skills. The neediness is obvious based on their body language before I even meet them, and Iâm always like âstay the hell away from meâ. Sorry, donât mean to sound like a meanie, but they are really creepy, and they develop these attractions that are not based on reality. I can see the neediness in their eyes continue time and time again even after Iâve made it clear that I am not interested. They lack strength, self esteem, among many other things that they didnât get in their childhood and itâs not my job to give it to them. Again sorry if I come across as mean.
It seems that what youâre interested in is agape kind of love. One of the easiest ways you can develop that here at SC is by using Chosen. Beautiful sub, man. Yesterday, I congratulated this pregnant lady on her unborn baby. I could tell based on her appearance and her attitude that most people would ignore her, yet I was able to make her loved and appreciated because of what Chosen is doing in me.
Most men donât love me when they first see me. They appreciate my physical appearance and hope for sex, they might love me for those reasons, but thatâs just a sexual attraction. I donât expect men to love me if they donât know me. Iâve had some of those who developed crushes and things like that, and they do offer a form of love. Thereâs a book called âthe five love languagesâ that explains about how to find your loved ones personal love language.
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agreed 
Not sure if it is applicable to you, but what helped me getting at peace with women (and getting tons of success with them) was:
- Hanging out with Naturals. Naturals are men who are naturally very good with women. They can be handsome or ugly but they are master are pick up without any conscious strategy. You dont try to compete with natural because you will be crushed but you try to understand their mindset because they often understand deeply women, and love them in their own way. Never ask them how they do because often Naturals dont know why they are good.
- Hanging out with female siblings : sisters, cousins, or any women with a social life, that you can hang out with but are not attracted to. Again enjoy the time there, hear their stories, dont try to rationalise but you will get a grasp of what they say, what they do and what is important to them.
In both cases, try to enjoy the time, dont rationalise the why of anything or put moral on behaviours.
Best book ever on the subject. This book is also great at expanding your understanding on what women (/people) want.
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I donât claim to be a relationship expert in any sense of the word, but I can share what Iâve learned after several years of unsuccessful dating followed by a period of successful dating and now several years of happy marriage.
If you enter into a relationship because you are incomplete and need someone to fill a void in your life - external love or validation because you are lacking that yourself, or even literally doing basic things that you simply donât know how to do such as cooking for yourself - then the other person will pick up on that and (correctly) perceive that you want them to GIVE something to you, or otherwise take care of you. Thatâs not an equitable relationship. Or at least, itâs not likely to be.
If both people involved are like this, then it becomes a dysfunctional codependency⌠with each person looking for the other to fix them, yet each being unable to fix themselves.
On the other hand, if you are complete⌠happy being in your own company, sure of your own value (as a person) and donât need someone else to reassure you, and generally just able to take care of yourself mentally and physically⌠then you will experience different interactions when seeking a relationship.
Iâm sure youâre thinking more of a universal love + happy self confidence type of mindset, but tbh what came to my mind was a cheesy Gomez Addams kind of vibe. 
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Try not to generalize women or put them all in one box instead look at them as unique individuals with different talents, personalities and attributes. 2nd love yourself and value yourself and I believe you will attract the right one there will be no questioning involved but of course do some healing work. If someone isnât for you donât take it personal there are plenty fish in the sea. I would suggest Regeneration and love bomb. If you feel you are needy itâs ok just find out where that is stemming from and work on the issue. In my personal experience itâs not the best thing to get into a relationship because you feel like you need that person or like you wonât feel complete unless you are in a relationship spouses and partners are complimentary. This is just my pov I totally innerstand Iâve had a lurking question in my mind for some time now which is will I ever be able to trust and love again when I finally get the courage to end my marriage. So trust me as Iâm giving this advice to you Iâm giving it to myself as well 
As far as appreciation what do you appreciate? Maybe make a list of things that you would appreciate in a woman and start with that.
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As far as compliments too⌠quite often they are actually projections in disguise.
Any simple variation of âYou look prettyâ, all the way to âdaaaaamn girl!â could easily be translated to âyour appearance is pleasing to me, Iâm attracted to you and you have my approval.â which is still one-sided. And⌠again, generalizing here, but hopefully, in a good way⌠most ladies can pick up on that.
While it might have been intended as a legit compliment, at the core itâs still about the person saying it more so than the person itâs being said to.
Is that enough of an issue that we should try to completely reinvent male/female interactions? No, I donât think so⌠but something to be mindful of if you think youâre presenting an impression of an appreciative and loving person but arenât getting the response youâre hoping for.
To give it a very blunt exampleâŚ
âThatâs a beautiful shirt⌠itâll look great in a pile on my floor tomorrow morning.â is likely more crass than funny in most situations, and many guys wouldnât say such a thing. Yet, consider if the compliment youâre saying to someone is actually being perceived in the same league as the sleazy pickup line.
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Circa 2014, I lost everything I owned and everything I worked for due to my then fiancee betraying me. Like you, I wondered if Iâd ever be able to love or trust again. Then, on Christmas day, I proposed to who I know is the love of my life. Iâm a pragmatic man, practical in all things. I donât know if our relationship will last forever â I hope it does â but things happen. People change, especially in an industry like this. I do know this, and the feelings I have for her is best embodied by a song by Outkast called âPrototype,â that goes:
I hope that youâre the one /
If not, you are the prototype
For this, it means that no matter who Iâm with after her (if we broke up), theyâll have to live up to what she has shown me. I was so far gone in regards to romance that I did some things that were absolutely horrendous, just breaking hearts left and right. Lying, being a âplayer,â etc. And the funny thing was, I thought I was getting back at the world for having betrayed me, yada yada. Truth is, I was falling deeper and deeper down a dark path. Finally, I had to ask myself what I really wanted in my romantic life and when I delved really deep, I realized my mistake.
I was entering relationships from the standpoint that I was perfect and my partner was imperfect and that I needed to improve or fix them. Once I realized this, I stopped trying to find people to fix and instead, find someone to love.
Thatâs what happened. I found someone who would link into my life and complement my weaknesses. I thought I always wanted another overly heady intellectual â not to say that my fiancee isnât, she just lives in the moment, rather that in her head â and what I really needed was someone who would bring me out of those obsessive nights of relentless work and remind me that the things I thought were pointless, like taking a moment to watch my favorite television show or watch the sunset, were necessary for balance.
And thatâs what she did. She helped me find balance.
I tend not to comment too much on peopleâs relationships because theyâre so nuanced, but looking at your journal, it seems that you need someone who can also help you find balance. Us creatives have a tendency to fall completely into our creative works almost as a form of escapism (which was exactly what I did when I was writing screenplays), and we become ungrounded. A good partner will ground us, keep us from going too high and too low. If I could get out of that space that I was in, I think you will too.
@magician this is also why a lot of men become needy. They are either looking for someone to fix, or someone to replace their mother, or something like that. They try and turn their partners into a validation machine rather than someone to unify with and balance them out. In my opinion, youâll know you met that one when you feel like together, youâre a balanced equation.
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Extremely thought provoking thread.
Special thanks for @SaintSovereign @BeautifulSoulGoddess and @irw for sharing their infinite wisdoms.
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Wow @SaintSovereign you nailed so many points in this response I am really appreciate you sharing,this has definitely given me some clarity.The prototype by outkast is one of my favorite songs so I know exactly what you are talking about. Yes I have always been the fixer looking at relationships as projects which honestly isnât fair to me or the person Iâm with. My mindset has always been what can I do to help someone else while dismissing all my needs even going as far as completely detaching from myself . Yes my marriage it has been a weird mother son type of dynamic going on. I have definitely learned from this marriage. Over the past few years Iâve been working on connecting with my feminine energy, healing my inner child, knowing my worth and discovering my talents. Things got real after losing over 130 pounds it was like my deep rooted issues were coming to the surface the weight couldnât cover it up or distract me from working on things a complete purge. Now that seductress is in the equation itâs really pushing me to make external change. Thank you
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First one needs to learn how to love thyself and their life. Then itâs really easy and straightforward.
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To just echo similar points in this thread, Iâd like to mention that neediness comes from a place of scarcity. To be able to love yourself for who you are creates a feeling of abundance in you that separates the way you see yourself (your self-identity if you will) from the events/results that happen in your life.
Thereâs also some compartmentalizing going on with the statement âHow can one love and appreciate women?â That question is a personal one that you should be able to answer in your own way, by asking yourself âhow does one love and appreciateâ in general.
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Loads of great advice in this thread so I wonât add to it. Do consider running Heartsong to gain furthur insight.
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Here are some final messages of encouragement:
However difficult it is for you, itâs not this difficult.
First, the fire:
Then, the fury:
Now imagine what male praying mantises are talking about on their subliminals discussion forums?
Much harder discussions!
But this dudeâs still okay:
(Note: Rest assured, I continue to seek the highest quality of professional help. There is absolutely no need for concern.)
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I usually donât post much and I donât usually put my mind out too much due to shyness but this I will
First off
The way you frame it is the reason I am indifferent towards women and see them as just another human who can either benefit me or hinder me as any man
The frame came from the same over exhausted place of ooga booga man evil woman good
Man hate
Itâs the reason me and many menâs indifference is seen as some sort of societal retardation
Ask yourself why do you love and appreciate those that you love and appreciate and how you feel COMPELLED TO do it rather than trying to brute force yourself to âloving or appreciatingâ
If youâre studying how to love something youâre wasting energy, if youâre seeing men today as just some stupid oafs who are hindered by some past pain rather than moderately cautious and smarter than their younger selves, you are already coming from a place of scarcity
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What was your experience like on Heartsong? How did you get insight on this type of topic from Heartsong?
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