hmmm…I’m not currently dealing with much open hate. Every so often, I may run afoul of gossip or of someone who seems threatened.
I guess the strategy you use needs to be based on your own strengths and temperament. You know what I mean? That’s my opinion, anyway.
I navigate a lot of situations by means of empathy. It DOES NOT always work out how I’d like. But it’s my temperament, so I practice using it.
Sometimes with things that would probably be conventionally labeled as hate, I see insecurity or a sense of that person’s position or access being threatened. I guess what I’m saying is I tend to approach people’s decisions and actions primarily in terms of how they are related to that person’s experience or point of view, more so than how they are impacting me.
I think I can recommend one book. But it’s not a cure-all or anything. It is a rational perspective for approaching self-interest, other-interest, and collective-interest. Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication. It’s like enlightened Social Gong Fu. Like any gong fu, how well it works will depend on your skill, talent, luck, and the prevailing condiitons.
Here’s an inspiring story. (Can’t remember if I posted this on here before.)
It predates Non-Violent Communication but nevertheless embodies the same principles.
I think you’ve also got to build up your (healthy) walls and defenses strong. I’ve got a lot more work to do with this. But I think it largely involves what you feed your mind and attention with every day. Messages, interactions, practices that affirm who you are and that provide you with healing and integrity. When someone comes at you with nasty energy, you want it to feel weird, like unexpected. Not in the sense that you’re unprepared for it. You want to be extremely well-prepared for it. But almost like you’re looking at a crazy person (because you are). This is because you want to protect the sanctity of your inner circle from the fucked-up condition of that person.
I guess another way of saying this is that I want to be prepared for dealing with snakes and wild dogs. I don’t need to hate them. Just to neutralize them or avoid them. If a person comes at me with the same behavior as that of a snake or a wild dog, I similarly want to be able to neutralize or avoid them. But psychologically, I want to have a clear sense of the wrongness of that behavior coming from a person. That visceral sense of wrongness protects me from infection.
I always say to people, if you step in shit. Don’t get so mad that you start punching the shit and rubbing it all over yourself. Get to water as soon as possible, and wash it off. The point is for it not to be on you.
If you have no choice, then you have no choice. But the end-game should always be your own THRIVING over vengeful engagement.
Well, that’s my personal take.