Try to take over the world? 
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Iāve been in zoom conference overload for the past week and will be next week as well. Feeling disconnected from me and slightly frustrated. Will cherish the downtime at the end of next week.
Considering adding polyglot to my main custom but I donāt feel like Iāll commit to learning new languages with everything else on my plate. Iāll give it a little time.
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Life is so fragile. Processing a tragedy, even far removed from the epicenter, takes so much effort. I find my thoughts full of an acquaintance who passed too soon just at the cusp of some epic things in store for her.
Iāve changed in that itās not causing me to spiral into thoughts of my own mortality nor are my normal internal musings on the subject as prominent.
āTis all.
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While traversing my astrology rabbit hole, Iāve been browsing this site (I think half the articles are free and half are sub). Sometimes I donāt want to read all the books and enjoy a nice summary from someone who has:
Slightly irked that it hasnāt moved to https yet but minor issue compared to the sheer number of things to read.
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I had a lovely reading with someone recently and found out both my Venus and Mercury (ruler of my sun and ascendant) are out of bounds. Explains a lot. Been going through some interesting loops back into previous behavior but at least this time Iām optimistic about shifting them.
Itās year end review time so Iāve got a bunch of feedback to write which I donāt want to do. I also have a self review sitting half complete which I also donāt want to do. So Iāll probably review others since theyāre awaiting my response and ponder my own accomplishments this weekend.
The weather is moody and finally tipped over solidly into cold instead of the preternatural warmth of recent weeks. I like nothing better than sinking into a warm comforter with a chill in there airā¦ knowing I wonāt overheat in the middle of my rest.
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Hmm itās been a month.
Some grand breakthroughs in some of my spiritual practices and work is going smoothly.
My journalingās gone analog. Enough plain moleskin cahier notebooks to last a while sorted by color/purpose.
Dreams are much more vibrant than reality these days. Which is somewhat normal but the colors carry over the first few seconds after awakening. Their remnants are much more saturated than every day.
Websummit this week. The last conference of the year to attend. Too many people are reaching out to sell things/their company via DM.
Two more weeks before staycation fun begins.
I run one custom (Maia II) MT, ThF and one custom (Chiaroscuro) W,S with a break on Sunday. Havenāt listened to an ultima in a month. Up to 3 loops per from the consistent 2 I had before
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Iāve been doing some zoom group things. Thoroughly unmotivated to meditate by myself consistently. Seem to be avoiding that silence and space even guided.
I immersed myself in work, per usual, which is great for work, but not so much for me. One more week before I take a well needed staycation and try to reset. Everything else is going well beyond some dates that remind me of loss coming up.
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Halfway through a much needed vacation but feeling less inspired to do much more than binge some streaming than I thought I would be.
Lots of leisure reading. Will need to switch to work related stuff at some point. Looked into spring forest qigong, got the digital guides and promptly felt like not doing anything after the first day beyond attempting the reverse breathing during my normal meditation.
Am meditating about 45 mins every morning but feeling a bout of ennui.
Dreams are still something. Them plus therapy plus all the other inner work is bringing about a lot of intensity. It feels odd that I can tap into my emotions so much easier while dreaming. Enough to work through some childhood issues perhaps.
How quickly I can feel anger in them. Fear, however, is muted within the dreamscape. If something is disturbing enough to wake me up I know I had some negative reaction to it even though I was rather a neutral observer. Like when you wake and are like, āwow that was fucked up.ā
Caught up with a couple friends I donāt talk to much. I just really donāt feel like talking to most people unless weāre in the thick of it (so now thatās coworkers and super close friends) one of them is from grad school and the other from college. The college one has always been so draining to talk to and a bit awkward but she means well so I end up steeling myself for a couple hours of conversation every so often.
Iāve always been more of a texter and will acquiesce to zoom but for some reason my pure phone resistance is high. Probably another thing to work through.
Something restless is stirring within but I donāt know what it is.
Anyhoo off to disappear again.
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Opened a game app that I abandoned on a whim : Polysphere. While I remember solving them rather quickly I felt like I zoomed through the 200 I hadnāt touched. Will try more puzzles that I put down to see if there are other improvements.
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Work is a mixture of amazing highs and lows. Deaths and promotions balancing out the emotions as much as they can. Everyone running at 200 because itās the beginning of the year and we have to plan for everything at once.
Still trying to find the way to be consistent about more things at once: vitamins and meditation and qi gong and not procrastinating and actually putting things I do for myself first and exercise and getting enough rest at normal hours each night. Iām not that good of a juggler yet.
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I hate phone lol. My dad insists on phone calls and FaceTime