High On My Own Supply

Journals - Major Programs
#141

I think I might come from a similar direction. A few weeks ago I wrote in my journal that I feel like all Love is transactional (worth=usefulness)
Raised by a single mother that was close to dying between my 6-14 turned me into the classical softy that tried to never hurt anyone (stability= not hurting my mother so she wouldn’t die), always pleasing others, forgetting my needs over others.

And I feel like Love Bomb is working on that.
Putting my focus on me.
Putting me first.

But to each his own.
If you get what you need from WDB, great.

2 Likes
#142

You get it, I appreciate it.
And I have done the latter too. Such a waste but lessons learned.

2 Likes
#143

Genesis: Joy - it’s the sub I didn’t want, but it is the sub that I needed. If I could describe it in a sentence it’s

Standing on (internal) business

Meaning that my existence in this corporeal body is valid. Not trying to appeal to others, convince others of my worth, nor imagining a higher being judging me.

  • Why aren’t you pleased that I’m trying to help you???

  • Why do you think I’m worthless? Look at what I can do?

  • Why are you rejecting me? Can I change your mind?

Childhood shit.

In others words, other people (mother and father) held the key to my self worth. Or they did until Genesis: Joy. Now I can give myself my own joy and energy.

Results are that:

  • Men who are uncomfortable with my presence try to fight me in order to hand my energy to them (superior complexes) and getting nothing but Joy. One got up from near me because he couldn’t hook into me. Other times I’ll leave because my energy is precious to me.

  • I walk without scanning the area for disapproval.

  • I own my presence, I feel the worthy of my body and own it, not run away.

  • Teaching is freer, it students don’t want to follow along, I’m not pleading with them anymore, either they follow along or get left behind. Standing on business.

3 Likes
#144

This week’s Wanted DreamBoi report:

Amongst the numerous IOIs I get on a daily basis, one was particularly striking:

A redhead decked in hi-vis gear, boots and reading a fashion magazine…

An odd combination, but construction women are still girls, I suppose…

Anyway, she saw that another passenger wanted the seat, so she voluntarily stood, but she stood so damn close against me in the train, with her back to my front :smiling_imp: , whilst still reading her magazine. I thought that she wanted me to read along with her. No. That was very close contact, no personal space whatsoever. It took all my will to not grab her from behind and declare her mine.

Then when there was enough space for both of us to sit down she sat, I sat opposite and gave her a good look up and down. It couldn’t have been more obvious she wanted some of this.

This is why I say a critical mass of IOIs lead to approaches. It sounds woo woo but once I accept my new reality of attractive women appearing deep down, the universe sends me more and jacks up the intensity. Just you watch…

5 Likes
#145

Just caught up your journal, you’re doing well

Happy for you :partying_face:

1 Like
#146

Foundation = better results

Since Genesis: Joy has built enough of a skill set to draw from within for self worth the Wanted DreamBoi results have changed. I know Saint keeps having users to build a foundation before tackling even the easy to run subs and he’s right. How can DreamBoi function at its top level without even the basics? But that’s what’s been happening now.

I think a lot of the men reading this who want a solid grasp on life and how good it can get can benefit from some simple self worth building. This is why red pill rage was allowed to fester online, just get a bunch of traumatised boys into the online rabbit hole and they’re lost forever - unless they pull back and focus on being calm, ok and fully embodied.

I am achieving levels of chill that seems impossible even a month ago when RSD’ing my face off over a non serious mistake (but enough to brand me a misogynist). Now I can redirect my interest elsewhere that I feel deserves it, not interesting it in people that never gave a shit in the first place. That’s true power.

DreamBoi deals less and less observed IOIs, but something else entirely. Everyday I get someone standing, sitting, floating, gathering within feet of me - for no other reason that I’m there. I’m the soft moonlight in their faces. Presumably I’m the Neptunian archetype they feel real comfortable resting in. This is next level female interest language

  • Rest > comfort > more feminine expression > bonding.

Personally, I’m not chasing anymore, I don’t need to now, DreamBoi is on sight. So the next level is just to be me, let the Joy become inner ecstasy and DreamBoi be the female dream catcher.

It feels good to be me.

8 Likes
#147

I copy you Michel. I start Genesis Joy tomorrow. With GLM and Paragon.

2 Likes
#148

What a great stack !!! :fire:

2 Likes
#149

Changing tack

I’m changing stack to Phoenix and LBFH. I feel that Wanted DreamBoi has done great work in revealing my true self and have enjoyed the freedom that dropping a performative mask has. But I’ve asked Claude AI to recommend a stack that will attack the deepest darkest foundations that’s stopping me from being my shiny best.

My specific signature calls for me to be kind, generous with others but not to burn myself out on bullshit. Several times I’ve been misunderstood, called weird, ignored, cast aside, dealing with petty shit for mistakes I’ve made within institutions and realised that I care too much. I’ve been too nice. I’ve poured in lots only to get fuck all back. It’s a worth wound.

Problem is the solution is quite specific. It isn’t more confidence, more self esteem, more anything. It’s less walls. Addressing the self protective shit. Dropping the intense shame for daring to expressing my real wants and desires. Speaking up. Letting people see the real me, so they can judge for themselves. Basically creating a space for self love to fill it in.

So testing Phoenix/LBFH and feeling that inner demolition job filled with self love. It’s painful and disorienting as fuck. But damn if it doesn’t reveal the truth. Nice Guy

  • I care too much > I only care about the things I care about

  • I people please > this is me. If you don’t like it, jog on.

  • I put in all of my heart > only my projects get all the love

  • I want love and sex from women > meet me halfway, or I’m not interested

  • I see their potential > believe them the first time

I think this may be the start of the buried real self peeking through. I have a limited amount of fucks to give and I’m wasting it on undeserving undesirables.

I have worth goddamn it. You may not care but I do. Those that ignore me get the same treatment. Those that are down for me, I am too. I can’t be everyone’s saviour. Let the system take care of it.

4 Likes
#150

Phoenix LBFH ftw

Phoenix Uno reverse destroys the structure that had me looking to anyone and everyone for approval and getting upset when they don’t. It melts the wound seeking out “love” which is actually resolution. Old wounded self is gone.

LBFH fills in the gap with so much self love it hurts to even contemplate not having it. Self interest and drive has increased. The peace within, rather than the low level anxiety is fire. A return to how I felt as a child with a big safety net.

I may need just one or two cycles, but what a genius pairing. Sometimes the foundation needs to be pulled before the new one is built.

1 Like
#151

Shocked at how quick Phoenix/LBFH is dismantling the previous "look at me, girl, tell me I’m worthy" foundation and building such a clearer, calmer, more present self-worth self. For the first time the idea of sending my own worth out to tender has been killed dead.

Trying not to jump ahead and start an alpha program on top. Chosen?

3 Likes
#152

Chosen, or you go full dismantling by adding Khan ST1 to the mix.

1 Like
#153

Stick with two for another cycle or two. Build the foundation first.

1 Like
#154

Good call.

Feeling so good and a little strange.
Because when your whole world view is built on:

  • Don’t upset people

  • Smooth things over

  • Being faulty at the core

  • Trying to fix it with companionship

  • Take all of the blame without complaint

  • Ignore your needs completely

… Then it shifts into

  • I’m valuable, period

  • What I choose, goes.

  • Not leaking insecurity all over the place

  • I am the solution, not her.

  • Worry about not living the best life

Anything and everything is possible. From “Nice Guy” to “I do what I want”. Sure, I may lose IOIs, but were they genuine or trying to benefit from a guy who didn’t know his own power?

4 Likes
#155

I’m wondering: do people seem to “walk all over you” or take advantage of you?

#156

Not anymore. That was in the past, I think the desire to get love from someone else made it more likely that someone could take advantage. But with Phoenix and LBFH I can confidently walk (and have done) if someone did take the piss with me although it is rare that someone does that.

2 Likes
#157

Not sure what’s happening (I am really :innocent:) but there isn’t a day that goes by that a woman doesn’t sit beside me as a way of seeking out comfort nor getting dreamy in my presence.

Two instances today where I get that longing and lingering look when leaving an area and I have eyes following me. Not sure what to do with it, as I’m enjoying building the foundation without yet going into dating.

I’d think it is mostly LBFH but the effects seem to be more DreamBoi aligned. :thinking:

3 Likes
#158

You really had your breakthrough
Does LBFH feel like pouring outside love? Because your experience seems pretty internal

1 Like
#159

Right now, it feels mainly internal, however maybe because of the aura or some human sixth sense, that others treat me as a valuable human being automatically.

As within, so without.

It’s the old full cup analogy, as trite and cheesy it is. So far the foundation is holding up allowing the love to pour out, but how it does it, I’m not sure.

2 Likes
#160

Never thought I’d still hold a candle for the redhead that decided to exclude me from a gathering with her friends and peers (again). But I’ll need to extinguish that flame for my own good.

I mean, I shouldn’t even be having these thoughts - DreamBoi is enticing other women and are on the edge of approaching, but this girl is also a painter. Perfect… except she doesn’t acknowledge me anymore (or ever, come to think about it…) Oh well.

(Phoenix LBFH is doing its best to crush this oneitis)

1 Like