High On My Own Supply

Journals - Major Programs
#61

And I’ve strangely developed a taste for reading…

Why? School was an emotionally painful experience but the big win was finishing a short book about art theory… understanding the concepts and enjoying finishing it. So much so that I’m looking for more books.

This has absolutely nothing to do with WANTED or maybe both titles has cleared enough deep down that some of my real self is emerging - the part of myself that likes reading engaging stuff and learning new vocabulary. Who knows but I’m appreciating my self being revealed.

Going to use maybe 5m of each simply to ward off feeling exhausted the following day playing out full loops and to see better results. Lately results have been reversing and getting mild hate.

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#62

Regeneration + WANTED @ 8m = messed up recon and a few days in bed. Oh well. When I get better, back to 1m

#63

Oh boy. What a recon episode…

I’ve only played 8m of WANTED and Regeneration and I’m reacting as it I’ve got the bloody flu! What’s going on?

Intuitively I’ve hit a big roadblock about feeling worthy and fearing getting taken advantage of - my history with women. I’ve been the Nice Guy for a very long time and possibly this stack has ram raided this element of my psyche. Hopefully this goes away soon but no loops for the foreseeable future.

#64

Real flu like symptoms?
If yes, for me was it the same.
I felt a major breakthrough after a few loops of Regen and two days later I was sick.
Nothing about the sub, this is a common phenomenon in my personality development bubble. Flu after solving big trauma I mean.

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#65

It sure feels like real flu, even though there’s no infection the brain thinks there is.

Like you, every time something big gets solved the subconscious just throws a fit and says “ok you wanted this gone, here’s your punishment - a week in bed”. Saint suggested it could be a stress response, but it seems too specific to be so.

In the bad old days with Ascension and even learning a language that works with the brain, the response would be the same. Maybe it points to how stubborn the old programming is, or there’s a strong defensive wall up that prevents some of the goals being achieved. I only say that because a very deep, longstanding fear of rejection appears to be neutralised. Along with people pleasing, looking for signs of disapproval and being a Nice Guy™.

I wish progress this deep didn’t have to be this debilitating. And that’s with the anti recon in both DR: Regen and WANTED.

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#66

Currently on the peppermint to try and relieve some of this roadblock recon, it seems to be working.

Maybe what was cleared was so fundamental to how I relate to other people, not just women that it felt like a mini death. But what’s emerging now is the doorway to so much abundance.

WANTED works on my self esteem, which makes me more attractive, so when 8m recon is flu intense, both those aspects are vastly improving. Certainly I feel naturally more grounded, I walk slower like a king and gasp I deliberately disregard surface level dislike like a boss. Rejecting the rejecter. There’s nothing in life that says I should see the potential in every person that is disrespectful towards me. Fuck that.

On the flipside women are doing double takes when they catch a glimpse, stroking their hair and wanting to get close. Some even forget that they are married. I treat it as useful feedback now, not something to live/die by, like I used to. WANTED will bust the door down if you’re not ready, but once open, the world is yours.

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#67

I’m going to jump off the Wanted bandwagon.

Reflecting on my journey to be attractive and hopefully land a casual relationship with a girlfriend, I’ve decided that relationships are too fraught, too up and down, too unstable and unpredictable with far too much figuring out what most women like and searching for signs that I lost myself in the process.

I’m done with all that.

Looking back at my last relationship, I went in with hope that love would be reciprocated, however it turned toxic, I gave and gave and got projection and a slicing down of my self esteem in return, all while being controlled like a dog. Then when it ended, I was smeared to people I (thought I) knew and respected, saying I was abusive and cheating (nothing of the sort happened). This happened on the back of a painful hot and cold relationship that I voluntarily entered into that drove me to the edge of suicide.

So if that’s what I keep attracting - hot and cold, demanding, controling, unfair - I’d rather put the walls up and preserve my own sanity.

I see the new Wanted DB launching soon and that could be an interesting switch up, but the mysterious dark thing isn’t working for me. I need to forget about partnering up and concentrate on ME. I have aims, goals in life, interests, hobbies, career, creative pursuits that I take seriously and feel angry about giving any of that up for any woman’s demands. Sorry, but it’s time to put me first.

In case this is the recon talking, I’ll give it a few days before stack switching.

#68

If it’s not recon, maybe you might wanna try Heart song (especially after the promised update) or Primal Romance.

What you’re talking about sounds like severe relationship trauma and these titles shine in solving things like that.

But since wanted is a romance title as well, this might also be the recon of healing this stuff as well (again).

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#69

My man, this is recon.

You’re reconciling something deep, very deep in fact and that is excellent. It’s one of the hallmarks of progress.

Why should you switch stacks now when you’re actively growing?

Wanted is about becoming the person that is effortlessly attractive, anything you do is attractive, even the way you breathe. You’re Wanted because you simply are. Something that defies most reason.

To get to this point, insurmountable self-esteem and openness is necessary, you will inevitably learn to put yourself first, hence this recon.

Please, reread the sales copy and your journal, see all the progress you’re making and understand you’re currently working through stuff and growing.

Please, Do not jump off the ship now.

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#70

To add to the above I was getting similar thoughts of do I even really need Wanted, I would rather focus on myself

But I’ve disciplined myself to keep going

There’s a really good post by Saint I’m sure you’ve seen, which talks about reaching a point of needing resilience to get to the breakthrough that’s about to happen because your mind will tell you to stop or something along those lines

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#71

It’s this post:

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#72

So it is recon, the intellectual waffle version.

Well, it’s a humbling experience and thanks all for your wisdom in steering me back on the ship. For what it’s worth, a few of my colleagues - those whom I never thought would never be interested like that have done the stare and hair stroke out of the corner of my eye.

Also last week one student was bold enough to ask for a hug at the end of the lesson and said to her friend “I told you, I manifested him to be my tutor!”.

And yet, all of this is whilst I still don’t care a damn about getting validation. I still don’t get it? Well I do get it because it’s supposed to the WANTED archetype but why should stronger results pair up with criminal levels of indifference?

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#73

That’s why you get the validation because you don’t want it. It’s like you already have it. When you’re not attached to things, they tend to chase you.

I’ve had that too. If I don’t pay attention to hot chicks, while in line somewhere. Sometimes they stare at me and they usually start to get interested.

Yet if I want them and all that, I’m much more likely to get blown off or rejected.

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#74

Yh, desire to stack switch will keep coming up over and over again as you cultivate more patience with yourself. With your mind finding more creative ways to get you to do so.

Be patient with yourself, write whatever reason down, go do something else, then come read it again a day later. If it still seems credible, give it a week and use that week to hunt for any signs of recon.

Doing that right in front of you is just crazy work😂

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#75

I’ve taken a step back from WANTED and for the last week have been analysing why I’ve wanted this sub to work so bad.

Long story short, I wanted the attention and validation, not necessarily the woman or even a relationship. Got burned many times and hoped that WANTED would try and fix my self image so that an incoming relationship would be free and easy.

WANTED changed me in many positive ways such as how I look, walk and feel and it seemed it was going to manifest multiple partners. But it never reached that goal - maybe because I didn’t want that at all.

Right now, I am doing the one thing I’ve been neglecting - loving myself and being more selfish. As an empath I gave my energy away far too many times to get a smidgen of love back, which is how I used WANTED. But what I should have been doing is leaning into what makes me special and unique and really appreciating me for my existence (selfish, how dare I, the world will collapse, people will snub me, I’ll be alone etc).

I’ll keep an eye on the new Wanted Dream Boy to see if this sub can help, but honestly, fuck chasing anymore. I’m great!

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#76

That’s a discovery many made on Wanted, especially on WB. They started hunting for an limitless amount of women only to get stable enough to notice that it’s nothing they really desire deep down.

So what’s your goal right now?
If you want to work more on your self, LB would be a great title. Primal is completely different, but may work even better.

If you want to work on sexual trauma KB1 (especially after the update) is prime. Although Heartsong and Primal Romance are great for healing relationships issues.

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#77

There are a few options like LB original flavour, my LB/Joy custom or stick to something more immediate like self love meditation. The masochist in me wants to double down on Wanted:DB but I’d rather wait for more results.

I don’t want to be disappointed with investing in something for so long with the overall result being “maybe you oughta love yourself more”

Thanks @Parsifal

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#78

Dumb question. Why not pursue this while running wanted?

From your posts it sounds like wanted is addressing a lot of blocks. You’re having an awareness of needing to put yourself first more. These insights always seem like a “I’m on the wrong path and need to switch subs” but what’s really happening is you’re hitting a challenge after building momentum for change. So the mind says the sub is wrong to avoid facing more of deconstructing the walls of where you want to be.

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#79

Now that he understands his real issues/goals, its better to run something that specifically targets them.

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#80

I’ve seen this many many times on the forum from all different people. Obviously it’s up to the individual. But it makes more sense to augment the stack vs moving to something else to me.

It’s kind of like working on a project. Maybe you need an additional tool but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re done with the other one. And if you put it away too soon you halt progress on the overall project.

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