Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

[Geoff]

Today I had my first Craniosacral session with some osteopathic adjustments.

It was enlightening to see how much tension I hold in my mouth/Jaw aside from neck/shoulders. She literally put gloves on and did trigger points IN my mouth which was new to me.

Since getting home I felt strongly drawn to just laying on the floor, so I did. I feel lighter but also sore even though the session was light pressure unlike a massage. Paragon has definitely been at the forefront of a lot of habits Ive started and taking actions for things gone unaddressed for so long. I couldn’t figure out weeks ago why I felt so much desire to start walking yet have zero interest in working out/weight lifting. I think things are all pointing towards alignment, function and mobility. Thats the intuitive direction im getting. Not to push, not to go get jacked but to address and align. Im starting to believe that there is trapped energy in my body and its been a major root of limitation for me. I cant reach my upper back with my right arm but mostly with left and that makes sense why push ups are a problem, its all connected and the lack of range seen today was concerning.

Im impressed with how Paragon is helping my subconscious gain clarity and focus my drive correctly. I feel good about the habits im engaging in and the steady results im seeing. Looks like dorsi flexion and hip stretch work are now necessary as well.

[Geoff]

My really expensive light panel arrived today from China, only took 3 weeks or so.

Ran 5 mins of Red light and 1 min UVA/UVB. After leaving for work, I stopped to grab a smoothie and ended up having a solid conversation with the two smoothie girls. I get the feeling the one girl likes me as the way she looks at me is different but who knows. I just noticed a very open and enthusiastic state since using the light, like a mild pick me up.

Im kinda geeked about all this ‘health maxxing’ im doing. The motivation and drive scripting, paragon and the action im taking…its good. I like it. As the recon/frustration fades from the previous days, im left feeling good about the future.

I was able let go of the anger towards that coworker and his passive aggressive bs. I put myself in his life circumstances and understood that grace the right choice rather than resentment. Compassion is strength, understanding and forgiveness is honorable. Ill watch myself around him and others now but I wont cause myself suffering holding onto negative energy.

[Geoff]

Fri

Listening day 15

Arete - 5 min

Regon - 3 min

Its been a week. Flooding across my area, lost water to my house the past two days. Finally got it fixed earlier today. I definitely felt Gratitude Embodiment working when it came to appreciating the things we as humans take for granted. I also felt noticeablly more calm during the inconvenience from Glm and Hero. It was very ‘whats done is done, can I solve this now…if not then dont worry about it until you can’.

My pants have become loose over the past week or two with just the daily walking. My teeth are shifting well since using mouthguard this past month, its a long term journey but its nice to see positive change already as it can be a lot of discomfort at times wearing it, progress makes it worth it.

Started using my red light, working up to all the features over time. Man, I didnt realize how tired you could get after using. Yesterday and today, a few hours after using I became quite tired. Especially today with the unusually frequent yawning . I should switch to before bed instead of midday.

Internally I am still bothered by my coldness towards others. Instead of being patient, charitable and kind, theres just a lot of unresolved hurt blocking the expression of these virtues. I keep wondering if I’ll overcome it or if im just metaphorically running into a wall over and over again. Theres subtle frustration that bubbles up randomly when interactions takes place whether in person, on the phone or online. I get upset at the thought of being loving to others because of the unresolved pain hiding within, its becoming more and more obvious. Im not sure what Regeneration is doing to help untangle this but im getting tired of state of upset. I increased to 5 mins from 3 on Arete and 3 min from 1 on Regon to see if that will help break through this issue.

I do feel exhausted in a deep way, from many angles and though ive been sleeping a good 8 hours the past week(thankfully) I still do not wake up feeling rested/renewed. I’ll keep trying to find the key.

[Geoff]

I was cruising the Paragon Sales page today and noticed two features that I think have been expressing.

Healing Inner Circle

Supports you in naturally attracting the right healthcare providers, healing modalities, support systems, and resources for your specific recovery needs. Not through force or desperation, but through the subtle alignment that occurs when your clarity about what you need meets the availability of appropriate support.

In practice, this means the right doctor appears at the right time, you hear about treatments that prove effective, you encounter people who have navigated similar healing journeys, and resources align in ways that feel synchronistic. Healing becomes supported by a web of appropriate care rather than isolated struggle.

I think starting Craniosacral Therapy was a direct result of this. Although I did find this place from the basis of Qeeg neurofeedback, I ended up not pursuing that and starting this.

Which then I read this feature -

Health Trisync

Addresses the integration of physical, emotional, and energetic aspects of healing — recognizing that tension held in tissue often carries emotional content, that chronic pain can have psychological dimensions, and that true healing requires addressing all three domains simultaneously.

This holistic approach supports release of trauma stored in the body, resolution of psychosomatic patterns, and the kind of deep healing that addresses not just what hurts but why it began hurting in the first place. Recovery becomes comprehensive rather than fragmented.

If im being honest, this whole week Ive felt more emotionally activated. Things being brought up from childhood. I got triggered in a conversation with my mother about my son and the past. A lot of reactivity on my part but Regeneration has been helping to modulate the intensity of my reactions. I teared up a few times the past two days whenever this issue surfaced which I never did before, it was usually just anger and frustration, not sadness. I think this therapy is going to help the release process along with Paragon. I didnt remember these features but glad I re-read Paragon. It makes sense why I started now.

Cellular Sleep

Enhances the quality and depth of your sleep — not just duration, but the restorative processes that occur during rest. Supports the body’s natural repair mechanisms that activate during deep sleep: hormone regulation, immune function enhancement, cellular cleanup, neural consolidation, and tissue regeneration.

Better sleep means better healing across every system. You may notice waking more restored, needing less recovery time, experiencing improved mood and cognitive function, and feeling your body using rest more efficiently. Sleep becomes the powerful healing tool it was always meant to be.

I’m not really sure if this feature is working or not but I do sleep about 8 hours now, breathwork has been a great help but as I mentioned previously, I dont wake up feeling renewed or rested. Im consistently feeling like I got the minimum needed to make it through another day. Body tension and stress is still there. Im hoping Craniosacral sessions over time help remove the embedded tension. Subs themselves have not solved this issue, chiropractic work did nothing and massages treated a chronic symptoms but also solved nothing. If Paragon + Regeneration + Craniosacral + Neurofeedback doesnt solve it, we’ll I am probably just screwed.

I am going back to original Othmer Neurofeedback to try a few frequency changes as a last resort to fix this disconnection I rant about. I really dont want to pursue it anymore but nothing ive done outside of it has addressed it so I am pretty confident its a suboptimal frequency issue. The challenge is, what site needs adjusted? And do I need an increase or decrease in frequency. I’m so beyond tired of living with this handicap.

Not having 100% of your mind working is a situation I wouldnt wish on anyone, not even an enemy. It affects everything and some days I struggle to not feel hopeless. It shouldn’t be this F’ing hard to fix nor should it be over a year living like this. Anyways, I’ll stop there. Stay Positive

[Geoff]

Slept in 1 hour, not a great start but ended up doing up my walk with mouthguard. I wasnt feeling like doing anything today, my mind saying “Its a Sunday, a day of rest and your only day off!”

So I decided to pull my car into garage and change my front struts and sway bar links. Took about 3 hours in total, not bad. It felt like a debate in my mind between Regeneration and Glm and motivationmodules. One saying its okay to rest but the other saying, be responsible and do what needs done. Now Im resting as I write this. I really enjoy this straightforward discipline im building and reinforcing through daily living.

Ive been tracking my thoughts a little and im noticing a lot of internal reactivity to what I perceive as stupidity. Too much judgment and condemnation. It is directed at self as well if I dont follow through on whatever Ive decided but towards the external is worse. Interestingly I dont have feelings of superiority, I dont feel ego-ic. Its like a frustration towards seeing weakness, ignorance and foolish mixed with indignation towards unrighteousness. Its been a struggle trying to balance myself out. I did everything stupid, wrong and unrighteous in life as we all do sooner or later so why am I so triggered? Im not sure what sub or modules is affecting this, not sure how to move through it. I’ve been considering rebuilding Arete but adding ARES and Discordia Deliverance to help deal with this. I was thinking one of the Love Bombs as well but really I’m already listening to 4 cores so probably not wise. I didnt forsee having such a struggle as this.

I cant figure out if Im upset at people, the behaviors or myself that I see in others. I think a lot is projection, I try to own everything and not blame others because 99% of the time it is ME. If I get upset and feel annoyed by another person, what is it in me that is the problem? Its really not about them. First thought is simply the absence of Love. For myself and others. While I have improved greatly from Love Bomb in the past, its obvious there is some block affecting me. Being disgusted with yourself and seeing your own weakness or foolishness in others triggers the negativity I think. Loving myself enough to start taking action (back on Emperor/LB) is what led to the changes Ive made since that custom (Evolution). So my thought is that I need more love, more forgiveness, understanding and compassion - for myself because I cant seem to fully accept or invest in the external but im still quite empty.

Im wondering if the fact that my Metaphorical ‘well of foundational love is low/empty’ is why Im not feeling much of anything from most of the Virtues. Kindness - I honestly feel the opposite and it disturbs me. Charity - Ill have a thought or idea of something I could do but never do or back out or avoid later which feels shameful. Hope - Im not sure if its Hope or Carpe Diem Ascended or Winner Overdrive to be honest but I have felt a sense of steadiness for the future regardless of how bad things are becoming globally. Patience - Ive been less patient driving, more inclined to avoid ppl and conversation but I dont feel like entertaining nonsense. Temperance - less interested in a lot things, more prone to letting go or passing on things. Could be Breaking the Cycle or Power of Sacrifice as well. Diligence- probably the one I feel most but Glm deals with this too. Im very consistent and driven and being a 4 Lifepath only helps so Im not surprised by this.

Patience, Charity and Kindness are a struggle. Loving others as yourself feels impossible for me at this point. I think about that concept and what it looks like and I feel a sense of emptiness inside like I have nothing to give. Im too busy finally giving attention to myself after decades of putting the world first. Man, trying to embody a Hero archetype is not easy. I keep wondering if Im ready for such scripting. Then I think, we’ll if I wasnt using this custom what would I be using? Nothing else truly calls to me. I read Ascension which hit quite a few points for me however it isnt exactly what Im looking for. I need something less worldly. Glm is solid AF though. I need to continue with Regon as I pursue bodywork, traumatic energy release and neurofeedback for the remaining issue but I think once that starts getting solved I could pivot to the Live Bombs in order to fill me up with the Love that truly fuels Virtuous behavior and a Hero Archetype.

[Trader]

I’ve been waiting on the new Ascension. Glad it’s here. about to stack it with the updated GLM. Put my GLM At the Top name embed one.

Stand back

[Geoff]

Are you doing stage 1? Or just stage 2 + Glm/At The Top

Still on Khan/Glm? How well does Glm temper Khans aggressive sexuality?

[Trader]

I hadn’t even read the copy yet or downloaded. Been busy today working on my latest Empire Project. Didn’t even realize it’s a 2-stager until you said that.

I’ll have to read the page to decide on that.

[Geoff]

Nice little bloom today. Ive been feeling Masculine AF today. Strong, smooth and in control. Divine Self-Image is coming through too. Ive got this “I feel good about myself today” vibe activated as well.

Nothing arrogant, no ego based superiority. Only this pure sense of Self in the strongest way kind of state.

The Recon on 5 mins since my loop friday has really only been mental burden, processing fatigue. I have yet to feel emotionally unbalanced and the semi cold frustration has been more subtle than last week (at least so far). The physical fatigue has been increasing a bit but im not fully clear on where its coming from. I reduced my Red light/UVA/UVB back to 5 mins/1min/1min from 10mins/3 min/3min. Doing MWF instead of everyday. Going for morning power walks has been locked in, not missing a day in 3 weeks since I started, even when raining I still go. Im not convinced I need a day off from walking so I dont skip. Paragon/Regeneration could be pressing rest on me harder since moving to 3 mins, I’ll keep watching it but I think once a week even at higher time is going well.

Today’s been a good day, even with a subtle headache I feel sturdy and content.

[Geoff]

Fri

Listening day 16

Arete - 5 min

Regon - 3 min

LBFH - 15 seconds*

Things are decent. I had my first neurofeedback session after my break tues, was a little too high arousal and yesterday went back for adjustment. Im getting a much better response now since she changed how she grounded when training sites.

This week I noticed a kind of bloom or activation of Virtue Series: Kindness. It could also be VS: Hope but my gut feeling is Kindness. I think parts have been reconciled within me on giving Kindness. I was stuck with a lot of hurt from my past and the whole “Why should I be kind to anyone when I was used, abused, betrayed, taken for granted, rejected, humiliated and bullied” but now I feel more detached, dare I say free from that hurt and see myself allowing kindness to be expressed without expectation or need of reciprocation.

I added LBFH today because I have Craniosacral therapy today before work and the nervous system and fascia features intrigue me. Granted Im using Paragon/Regeneration already but I couldnt pass up the chance to test this out.

Im already feeling the processing load of my loops, its a lot. Im also curious to see if this processing is better or worse since neurofeedback as it can definitely affect my minds processing capability.

[Geoff]

Well that was wild. During craniosacral therapy I had a nice release when she was doing mouth work. I seem to hold a lot of stuck energy in the mouth but from what shes told me, its a common place.

I felt fear, anxiety, started sweating. My eyes were closed and my eyes were moving just like when in Rem dreaming or how it goes with EMDR. I felt quite uncomfortable but it was a good thing.

Idk if I processed the 15 seconds of LBFH and it helped or not but being only my 2nd session, this was a bigger result than the first. I started laughing/smiling while also feeling mild sadness and fear all at once. Thats a crazy experience. My neck, shoulders and arms feel sore like I just left the gym. Ill be honest, I wasnt expecting much from Craniosacral and figured id stop going by the second session but damn, Im impressed. Chiropractic and massage didnt do much of anything but this does.

Paragon + Regeneration + LBFH + Neurofeedback = A better me.

"Fascia and Flow

The body holds memory in its tissue. Every bracing, every contraction, every moment of drawing inward to protect a place that needed protecting — the fascia, the soft web that wraps and connects every structure within you, has been quietly keeping that record. This feature helps the tissue soften, not through force but through the patient accumulation of enough sustained safety that the body finally believes it can let go.

In practice, you feel layers release that you did not know were layers. Places you had considered merely sore reveal themselves as places where something had been held, quietly, for years. As the fascia softens, what had been curled inward in self-protection begins, quietly, to uncurl toward the world. The body’s long-held no becomes, at last, a yes."

This feature + the action of Craniosacral is going to be very impactful going forward. My stack is dense AF but this seems necessary.

[Geoff]

Ive been feeling soft since fridays loops and therapy session. Im not sure if its the 15 seconds of LBFH or craniosacral or what but Ive been more tired overall, less motivated and experiencing this fear and apprehension around others.

I went for my walk today like I do everyday but slept in almost 2 hours so it was later around 10:30am vs 8-ish. I normally do a section of my walk by the public access area of the lake backwards. As I started this transition, I noticed one vehicle parked and a solo man fishing while smoking a cigarette on the dock. This sudden sense of fear hit me and I cut my walk short and started back home. This wasnt a fear of danger, I wasnt scared of ‘him’. As Ive been thinking about it, it seems like a strong lack of authenticity or courage to own myself and the things I do. I seemed fearful of the possible judgment this guy would have expressed by seeing me walk backwards and that caused me to completely abandon my daily habit/routine.

What is the root of fear of judgment? Social ostracization at its worst? Walking backwards is not really a freakish thing to do but my mind reacted really oddly. It bothers me that I basically stopped being me because there was someone around. This really is not okay.

Gabor mate always talks about how people in childhood are faced with two choices in interactions when trying to get needs met. Attachment and Authenticity. The more I review this morning, the more I think about how ppl give up authenticity for acceptance from the parent,tribe or world as a whole. To not be or feel rejected for being or acting in contrary ways within established behavior of a social group or culture.

This ‘incident’ within myself was purely a projection put out due to some unresolved issue in me. What is the solution? How does one overcome something like this, do you force yourself through situations?

Since LBFH and that session, tensions seems lower which is an overall positive however I notice that I had always used tension, stress and frustration as a sort of springboard or foundation for this disciplined/militant type of mindset. Feeling this open type softness has made it really difficult to feel that rigid, strong masculine state that I’ve been cultivating. Its like trying to be hard and soft at the same time…lol. I’ve definitely felt like ive been in healing mode since friday. Ive been feeling a lot of Regeneration-like scripting, a desire to hide and rest and seek safety. Ive felt aversion to watching or listening to anything online or on TV that could be upsetting.

To be honest, Ive been fighting myself on resting because theres a belief in my mind that resting = laziness. Ive caught myself pushing back whenever I wanted to rest, sleep in or skip walking. I never skipped a walk since starting and I am afraid if I skip even once, the routine might fall apart. I wouldnt let myself stay in bed sat even though it was very obvious I could have used another hour or two. Today I stayed in bed about 1.5hrs or so. I did notice better color in my face today when yesterday I looked pale. So I guess I need to listen to myself more and reframe these thoughts about rest. Theres been some recon within me about Regenerations objectives, seems like LBFH kind of supercharged Regeneration a little bit as Im not really feeling much from my Hero/Glm custom compared to last week.

Interesting stuff for sure.

[Geoff]

I stopped to get a smoothie on the way to work(still working 6-7 days a week). I noticed this light defensiveness within me. I felt guarded and did not make small talk with the smoothie girls. I did catch both the girls at different times sneak a glance at me but that was it. I do feel my aura or vibe is off a bit. Not because of others but within myself.

I have noticed that since friday that there has been a small increase in social interactions. More people speaking to me at work, conversations easier to entertain and an increased willingness to be helpful or accommodating towards those needing something (at work specifically).

Before I left for work, before the smoothie stop my neighbor flagged me as I was leaving and started a chat as well. I gave him around 10 mins then had to go but he seemed drawn to talk to me as well. I am definitely feeling that others are drawn to me but for me, I am feeling kind of apprehensive or maybe uninterested in a way. Not because I dont care but honestly it may be because I dont feel ready for it. Theres this hesitation and it feels like my ‘well isnt full’ to handle whatever is coming to me. Its mostly just recon I imagine, after all Im at 5 cores currently which is ridiculous. Starting to get annoyed at myself for allowing such a high amount of scripting. Ive already changed my subs from when I started and while I do think doing so has helped greatly, im probably heading into difficult future if I dont clarify my goals and regain direction.

I either continue with Regon(Paragon+Regeneration) or replace with LBFH but not both even though just 15 seconds of LBFH seemed to ignite a strong healing over this weekend. I really love Arete, my custom of Hero/Glm is doing such amazing work within me theres no way I’d stop anytime soon. Its just starting this craniosacral therapy and Regon that has been pulling me towards a more healing focused path because Im seeing profound results and it makes me want to pour more focus and effort into that. But at the same time I want to get more into physical training, masculine drive and building an unbreakable mindset which brings me back to the struggle I mentioned in my last post above. It feels like Im trying to become hard and soft at the same time and im not sure thats possible? By soft I am referring to the openness of relaxation, understanding and honoring my body and cultivating a sense of safety for my nervous system to finally release its dysregulation. Contrasted with this desire to be an unbreakable, masculine virtuous hero that stands in the face of evil and doesnt back down to temptation or fall to deception. Remaining strong, steady and courageous. So im not sure how to create that balance. It seems more possible to do one before the other but I dont think I am willing to pause Arete and focus on Regon + LBFH.