I’m at a wedding I’m hating it too much noise, first i was going to go with my curren clothes except jean.
Then mother told me wear shirt and then i wear my suit first i didn’t want to wear it, actually i was fearing to looking good because when i wore last time i got lots of looks. And compliment lol
Anyway some thoughts came to my mind about going abroad. While most of my peers want to there i didn’t want to leave my country, there are some reasons why i don’t want to go abroad but i think I should examine them closely maybe this could give my some purpose and motivation maybe, i have some reservation, some concerns this is why i should look closely. Like a few months ago at tv i saw a City town names Annecy it was looking so good so clean, as if from like a postcard. i immediately though there people who live there should be thoughtful careful people, you can’t see this turkey in generally i don’t want to talk with exact statemennts anyway. i should consider this.
Random thoughts
My abs don’t look as i want. they are not shredded I think I have low body fat but idk. Could it because I’m not training them with weights, should i train them with weight?. I’m doing some sort of crunch and bicycle crunch and some times and them something called v hike up i don’t sure about this. it burns my abs but idk.
i don’t like weddings but being around people give me some thoughts to think about myself, maybe being outside can give me some motivation to live but most of the I’m at home or gym don’t have friends. I’m isolated.
i saw a guy with blonde(i have some fatality for blondies) beautiful girl. im more handsome then him and physically good but he has the girl.
I’m closed because of my problems, i can’t express myself. Yeah naturally i fucking want to rise above this society,
but when you look some areas I’m at "– levels "
im at basement level.
like one week ago i was away from home like 3 days and doing pmo never entered my mind but when i came to home i did it. This is problem
back from gym, was tired one. i couldnt properly breathe, this has thought of me for a while. sometimes its problem sometimes not but it decrease my performance. left part of my nose closing, collapsing when i breate in normal daily life its not problem i dont even feel it, but something like sport, i can feel it because in sport sometimes i have to breathe vigorous, and because my nose, problem occurs. im trying to breathe but my nose closing. like 1-2 months ago i was thinking calling the doctor, but i gave it up cuz i was doing some prayer manifestation on it. but i dont know can i fix it my alone. how can i strenghtening part of my nose? it occured after my nose surgert and its been like 1.5-2 years.
i dont wanna another surgery.
about gym im realizing more this that for aestehtic body i should increase my mass, i neglected this part of fitness, the nutrition. i just focus on my trainig. but i have to take care of this, how will i do idk yet, but i will try, i didnt want to spend my time on it man this exam shit fucks me up, i didnt focus on this because of exam(atleast i thought like this) but I didn’t study for the exam either. anyway.
im 177cm and 60 kg i gained muscles liek 2-3kg but still this is low. 70 seems like good number but if i do 65 end of the summer it would be realyl good.
i started to increas weight more, normally i would have increased the reps first, but it’s so boring now.
and the callus on my hand burst, its bad i should take care of this too.
about abs i will do this totally with weights i was doing wigh bodyweight but its inefficientit i have low body fat but my abs dont look good so new porgram will be cable crunc and knee raises for obliques i dont know yet should i do them with weights but i will do bicycle crunches for now.
hanged on the bar becuase i wanted to improve my pulling abilty for pull days lol. but againg bodyweight inefficent, i will do them with weights too.
i did lateral kickbacks for my glutes medius for issue at the hip joint. but i couldn find what i seeked. it didnt solve the issue, when i trained g.medius as lying, it solves the issue for 2-3 seconds but it comes later, i went to the doctor for this he said you’re bones are okay. and nothing more. stupid doctor. i will try some exercise with resistance band maybe it could solve it. becuse today i barely walk, and i cant run also beacuse of my knees.
working out is bare minimum.
I took my daily protein need, maybe more i didn’t count. feel good at least not tired
Society doesn’t care about men.
They just care about to destroy, to poison men.
They trying to shame you because you’re man, they trying to feel guilty because you’re man. i don’t know really who is masculine man, what is masculinity.
i will just try to be a adult male, independent, fearless who has self love, self worth who is healthy
Back from the gym, breathing issue is continues. Also i had low energy today but i completed my session.
I’m not connected to my sub mind, i mean my skill to utilize my subsconscious mind not in the high level.
I’m reading the power of the subconscious mind, now first time that i saw this book i ignored it i thought that it’s self development bullshit. But I like the book, it gives me something to think about it, it gives me insights, atleast it’s positive book
i did pmo and it changed my thought immeditaly, i even didn watch the porn but did pmo anyway, i should solve this, its shameful.
and my listening pattern is messy i should look on th,s too.
i dont know how can subconscious mind create my body? really interesting and i cant understand how, people say subconscious mind not bound to time or place, its interesting and they say sub mind knows everything, inetersting, it looks like we have god in our body(mind), in our self and i cant understand, i was thinking in the morning like im the god i am the prophecy and im deserving what i need, after in the day i forgot why i thought like this but i remeber now, it means we have godlike, god level power within us, but dont know how to use it but lol submind should know this.
and people say there is no limits, we are limitless beings, limitless potential, i cant understand too, probably its related to this, but i cant understand the word of limitless. its not my reality for now, for me its limited.
if the sub mind like this really we should have everything we want
after reading something few days ago i realized that most of the people in the soceity no have moral values, character, i dont remember now why i thought like this
this is what i need looking up to stars always gives me some reliefs
because when i look the stars i think that truth, our real home is there, i feel foreign to here
