Force in Motion - By Akin

Journals - Major Programs
#175

My guess is that both titles are showing me things I want for myself and ways I need to be that are still very far from my current reality. So the recon is hitting hard because I’m still far from the life I truly want.

Anyway… I’m considering listening to Heart Song. I really want to meet my next partner soon. I want to go straight to what I truly need, because I know Dream Boy can attract all kinds of people, and what I genuinely want is to meet my soulmate and feel the relief of that connection.

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#176

∆ rest day ∆

I’m still testing some subs haha. I’m going to test another one in place of WdB.

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#177

∆ The Ascension 30s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

I experienced a shift around my sexuality — a point of torsion in the quantum field, in the subject that reflects everything I interact with.

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#178

∆ STB 20s + The Ascension 20s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

I had a really nice moment with someone from a place I usually go to. I had always noticed her openness toward me, but this time she said, “Hey, how are you? Wow, you look different. You’re glowing. Are you doing better?”

For some reason, she and two other people thought I had the glow of someone who got laid during the week, or the night before lol. That wasn’t the case. But it was the Ascension glow.

I had a really good vibe with her. We talked, she looked deep into my eyes, and it felt like she was seeing my soul. A gorgeous woman. It was a very meaningful interaction.

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#179

∆ Sed 15s ∆
∆ 2 rest days ∆

Yeah, I did one loop with Seductress, but for some reason I don’t resonate that much with the sub, nor do I respond very well to it. I stopped the tests. I’m going to stay with Ascension, RICH, and Stabilizer, with the main focus on Ascension.

ZPU makes ALL the difference in the REAL integration of a sub — I mean the kind of integration I can actually carry into life, even if I died and couldn’t keep exposing myself to subs “in heaven” anymore lol. I’m saying this because it’s something I genuinely think about: what death and the afterlife would be like if there were no subs to listen to. What would actually be introjected? How would I access those kinds of inner stimuli? Anyway… more philosophical questions.

But I’ll say what happened after Seductress these past few days: my sense of confidence dropped a bit, and I felt more vulnerable to other people’s energy and opinions. On top of that, I felt pulled in many directions, as if the most important thing was giving attention to other people and very little to myself. It wasn’t something I consciously wanted, but something in it makes me respond that way.

I felt my mind being pulled all over the place, with more difficulty focusing, thinking about my projects, and acting assertively even in small things. Very different from the “sealed” feeling in the mind that Ascension and Stabilizer gives me.

I also felt more people-pleasing and less assertive in simply being myself and acting according to what I genuinely felt in the moment. Anyway. I can’t handle long exposure periods with Seductress, and I think it’s because the archetype simply doesn’t CLICK with me. I wish there were other feminine archetypal energies available to experiment with

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#180

∆ The Ascension 30s ∆

Funny enough, all of these subs I listened to that had physical appearance scripts actually produced an effect I didn’t really notice over time, but my thighs are WAY bigger now. To the point where my pants don’t fit anymore and I genuinely need to renew my wardrobe and buy a bigger size because my old clothes simply aren’t fitting.

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#181

∆ The Ascension 30s + Paragon 15s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

It’s crazy having so many subs and needing to choose only three lol. But anyway, I’m still not in the mood for the qstore.

Anyways, my body really needs physical healing right now. I’ve actually been neglecting that for the past 03 years. I have an injury on the left side of my lower back that started spreading and became “chronic.” Over time, the pain moved to other areas too, like my left knee.

Anyway, after the first loop of Paragon, right after the 15 seconds, I felt a very weird energy moving out of my energetic field. The next day, I woke up feeling much more pain in all the areas that were already bad, and that’s when I realized I had completely numbed myself to that discomfort (I think to avoid dealing with how serious it had become).

Throughout the day, I had some insights and went through emotional discomfort connected to the pain, which I believe is an expression of some traumatic events that happened.

Then, the next day, I woke up feeling much better and really seeing the power of it. I believe consistency with this sub can genuinely solve problems at a structural level. Anyway, I hope I can stay more consistent with it.

I’m happy that weird energy was moved out of my emotional body. I have the feeling there are still more layers to uncover.

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#182

∆ STB 20s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

So, I got pretty emotionally shaken up by the first Paragon loop, along with some more personal events that resurfaced on Monday. In that sense, the Stabilizer loop fit like a glove. I felt more grounded, had a clearer sense of direction, and was able to look at things from a more optimistic perspective while also feeling okay about following fewer paths and making decisions about where and how I wanted to direct my energy in life overall. Stabilizer was really good for helping me regulate emotionally and spiritually.

Besides that, I also had a few dreams about childhood classmates and kids from kindergarten.

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#183

I was watching this today… I made a lot of sense to me.

#184

∆ ASC 30s + RICH 15s ∆
∆ 3 rest days ∆

I swear watching that livestream brought me some very subtle, yet significant, shifts in perception.

Still letting it all settle. The two subs together as well. I’m feeling a mix of peace and dissatisfaction. At the same time, I’m taking care of myself and paying attention to how I see myself, because that’s what shapes everything around me — including how much money I make and the kind of life I feel I deserve to live.

Other than that, I sometimes feel my face “moving.” It happens every now and then. I think it might be related to Ascension’s physical change script. No major physical changes noticed so far, but I do feel that happening from time to time.

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#185

∆ ASC 35s + PGN 20s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

I don’t know exactly what happened with this mix during that loop. Paragon seemed to bring a more holistic perspective to Ascension, somehow. It was different. The focus wasn’t even health — it was a lot of things.

I felt a lot of anger as I started seeing various aspects of my life from a holistic perspective, all connected to lies I had believed for so long as if they were truths, things I had accepted as part of who I was when they were nothing more than that: lies. Lies someone told me. Behaviors I adopted because I thought they were genuinely me, simply because someone said so.

It was a crazy experience, but it was literally like getting a nearly 360-degree view of different lies and mistaken beliefs that have been generating undesirable results in my life. I was pissed that I had carried them for so long as if they were mine, and that I had spent so much time disconnected from the possibility that I could actually live different realities.

It was interesting, though, because I experienced real shifts.

I was able to change some things directly at the root using ThetaHealing.

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#186

Do you practice this yourself?

#187

Hello! Sorry for the delay in replying, but yes, I use it on myself. I’m a practitioner. I took some courses a few years ago and I still use most of the resources. For me, it’s a great tool to work through some energetic aspects that the subs “bring up.” I use both a lot in combination.

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#188

∆ STB 30s ∆
∆ 2 rest days ∆
∆ closing out Paragon ∆

It’s such a beautiful combination: Stabilizer with Ascension. When Ascension “pulls” too hard, Stabilizer gives me grounding. And vice versa. This Stabilizer loop was really good to counterbalance the things that surfaced in the previous loop.

But I felt a really intense recon for about two days. I think I’m feeling the processing of everything. And I feel this huge sadness from thinking that the places I want to reach are “unattainable” and “so far away” from who I currently am. I don’t know… I’m just processing, I guess. I’ve had a strong urge to just sleep and do nothing, even though life is still going on.

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#189

∆ ASC 20s + WDB 15s ∆
∆ 2 rest days ∆

Ascension: the last two loops brought me some rough recon.
I was processing, dealing with things, and doing my own work through Core Energetics and ThetaHealing to address some limiting beliefs that came up. I’m fine today.

I also realized that even though my body still needs healing, I’m not in the mood to deal with Paragon recon right now. So, for the time being, I’m dropping it because I want to make better use of my third slot with things that bring me more joy and excitement.

Sooo… Dream Boiii is back hahaha :heart:

If you knew the stuff I dealt with last weekend regarding my ex… I mean, she’s definitely with someone new. And I was like, “What the fuck? Why am I not living what I want?” We broke up two years ago, and I was still holding hidden loyalties toward her.

It sucked to realize that, but that’s exactly what I released and completed over the last few days.

Now I want to get back to Dream Boiii and just live my experiences in PEACE. Like, a big “fuck it” to her and a big “YES” to myself. That’s where I’m at.

Ascension, Dream Boii, and Rich will be my priorities. I hope to come back with some good news and experiences.

Well, I ended up having an unplanned “date” with a woman I traveled with some time ago. We had a really good conversation and a lot of meaningful eye contact.

On top of that, someone from my dance group has also been catching my attention lately, and she’s been returning my glances too.

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#190

∆ RICH 15s + WDB 15s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

After watching this video, I’ve been seriously thinking about how to use subs more effectively in my favor.
In the sense that if I’m seeking out a sub, it’s because some part of me assumes I don’t already have what it offers. How can I make the sub an ally in becoming that person, rather than seeing it as an “external agent” that my mind and body need to fight against or reject? (Even though, consciously, I want exactly what the sub is designed to help with.)

The video also gave me a perspective of being less passive in the process. He said something about linear time that was very useful to me.

Sometimes, when we set dates for “transformations” or milestones, we become attached to physical time and forget to place ourselves in the vibrational state that corresponds to the reality where the change has already happened. In other words, we can keep vibrating as the same version of ourselves while placing the responsibility on “time.”

That insight was really helpful.
I want to watch more of his videos.

I also had some important shifts in the way I look at myself, because according to him, EVERYTHING in the external world reflects either an internal state or a collective belief that we’ve accepted, even when it may not be worth holding onto.

#191

∆ ASC 20s + WdB 15s ∆
∆ rest day ∆

Another powerful ThetaHealing session with myself. This time, I went through some deep energetic divorces from several people who, in the past, didn’t reciprocate my love. The lesson underneath it all was about believing in—and allowing myself to receive—reciprocal love.

It was one of the deepest sessions I’ve had in a long time, and I felt really proud of myself afterward.

Anywayyyyy… I’m loving this stack: RICH + WDB + ASC. I think I’m going to stick with it for a while.

And WDB results showed up yesterday.

I went to a party with a friend to celebrate Valentine’s Day and enjoy being single. I slowly settled into the environment, got comfortable, and eventually loosened up. At one point, a girl approached me and asked if I had a sticker from a local political cause. I told her I didn’t. She asked me to follow the project’s social media, and I replied, “I’ll follow it, but I want YOU to explain it to me.”

After that, I went back to dancing and completely let go of any expectations. Later, I went looking for her so she could actually explain it to me. Then she asked, “Are you really interested in the project, or is it something else?” with that playful, available look on her face.

Well… I kissed her right then and there.

After that, we left together, ate some food, and today she already wants to see me again.

The detail? She told me that she usually only kisses her female friends jokingly and casually, but with me, she doesn’t know what happened—she just knew she wanted to. So I ended up being the first person outside of her comfort zone that she allowed herself to have this experience with. For me, it was all so comfortable and effortless. Everything flowed so naturally that I could hardly believe it.

For now, that’s where I am: My genuine desire is to follow WDB all the way through, until I’ve exhausted the experiences I’m meant to have around this theme in my life… If you know what I mean.

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