Finding my True North

Journals - Major Programs
#1127

Once again - Power Can Corrupt is the absolute shiznit.

Well well well, if it isn’t some people talking behind my back? At work for ONE. WEEK. and somebody is spreading rumours about me being lazy?!? Already? And I know who the source is too.

Man, I cried because this is someone who knew who presented themselves as a helpful person, but was pulling strings in the darkness.

I’ll hold no ill will with those people involved but they do not get any access to my life anymore. A cut off is in order. Good thing is I expected it and now I get to deal with it efficiently and quietly. No drama needed.

Power Can Corrupt is a blessing. It’s helping with the past and current life lessons that man (and woman) isn’t to be trusted, no one gives a damn and will sell your arse given a chance. Not being negative, but realistic.

8 Likes
#1128

Coworkers often seem to be a concentrated source of backstabbers. I just can’t understand why there are many people who want to do others so dirty, to hold a position in a company that would replace you in a snap if it benefits the executives.

I gotta laugh at how easily and fully many people invest their inner resources into something they didn’t even build and will never come to own.

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#1129

I know at least one person in the middle of it absolutely does not like me at all and just knowing that is causing me to mess up at work. I try to be friendly and get stonewalled.

I don’t know what to do other than get my shit together and stop trying to get people to like me. I hate being cold to others but it may be necessary.

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#1130

Start having conversations with those who he is talking shit about you…so they get to know you.

It worked for me,
stark helped me a lot…
I didnt pushed it, the moments and people just appeared naturally at the right time

1 Like
#1131

Well you could take @Doc advice or you may end up like me. Honestly with the childhood you had I’m surprised you’re still try being friendly. Just saying since it seems we had similar upbringings and experiences with ppl.

Not saying you have to move how I do but honestly I think I stopped caring about fitting in around the time I was in 9th grade. Ironically the less I cared about fitting in since then, the more people wanted to socialize with me. Kind of speaks to that old principle, what you chase runs away.

Not accusing you of being desperate of course. I get it man, you wanna be the chill guy that gets along easily with folks but honestly the world’s full of dislikable ppl. 10 years ago when I made the choice to start focusing on myself more and start getting in touch with my inner “jerk” I found that others started responding to me better (ironically). Most times I was never a jerk for no reason but I think that decision started to unleash an energy that ppl became drawn to. Someone who’s comfortable doing they’re own thing no matter what seems to draw ppl in, even when you want them to stay away from you lol.

You don’t have to be cold to everyone, just start off neutral and give back the energy ppl give you. Do your best to give fair treatment, one way or the other. Just always remember that no matter how cool someone seems it’s best not to trust them 100% just in case. Don’t share anything with them that you don’t want others finding out about.

Just focus on liking, and more importantly loving yourself by focusing on your self improvement and just be you. Ppl will either like you or they won’t but trust me, you’ll live either way. The relationship you have with yourself will always be your most important, no matter how anyone else feels about you.

5 Likes
#1132

True to that

When i overcame shit whith khan q
Everything started to fall in place
And in my last washout
Wanted, stark and ps pulled me so much
In the zone that everything bad at work cleared
Out without doing much, just by being me and talking to the people when we crossed path or met outside smoking
The one who talked shit was left in the rain without any ammunition, but i still talked normally with him coz he is young and mybe dont know better…

His brother is a great and friendly guy though
Good that everything went so smoothly

2 Likes
#1133

This advice makes the most sense.

I don’t know why this is such a difficult situation to solve and I don’t know why I so easily slide into people pleaser “nice guy” mode after all the years of betrayal. To be able to just say “to hell with all y’all” and carry on, I envy you.

@Fractal_Explorer what insights do you gleam from all this?

At least PCC is teaching me to recognise who isn’t to be trusted (and who should just be kept at a distance). Love Bomb isn’t having the self love effect I wanted, so I’m going to try Chosen from Within and see. Aargh!

1 Like
#1134

Ah this is a tricky one. Ultimately the people pleasing is an attempt to avoid some perceived outcome that you fear. It’s your self preservation mechanism. I’m speaking in general terms here. So it’s good to remind yourself you haven’t done anything wrong, this is just how you learned to take care of yourself.

What I’ve learned with people pleasing and nice guy behavior is it’s a lot less externally focused. So being less of a nice guy isn’t really the answer. It’s more identifying the triggers that spark your need to people please. Those are the moments when you can have growth by choosing how you want to react. If you take the jerk route that can just be another coping mechanism but now you’re operating in fight mode vs fawning behavior. You’re still under the thumb of that fear.

It’s definitely not easy. I’m still trying to work on this myself. I’d end up oscillating between the extremes of people pleasing and being aggressive in my overall demeanor to compensate. Neither one felt good so I realized I really had to question what it was I was afraid of in that triggering situation.

I’ll give you an example. In my job sometimes there’s too much stuff to take care of. Sometimes emails don’t get responses. I had a hectic week and I got a support ticket 10 minutes to closing on my shift. I knew if I took this I’d be dragged beyond my end time and be upset. But there was an urge to answer it and work on it. In my head I was imagining some higher up perceiving me as slacking off or not doing my job if I ignored that ticket. Maybe even the fear of getting fired. But this conflict was imagined. So it’s important to test those boundaries and embrace the worst. In the end I went home on time, I felt better, and besides the user spamming our help desk about not being able to work nothing came of it. That seems “bad” from the outside and can trigger a lot of guilt or shame, but in actuality I was prioritizing my own well being over an entity that just wants to use me for my resources.

Sorry this got long. But I hope that might help you out a bit. It’s the small battles internally that add up. Not necessarily who those people are if that makes any sense.

2 Likes
#1135

I have to wonder if there’s still something deep inside you to prove that not everyone will betray you. Like you’re trying to prove yourself wrong almost. It’ll take time and a lot of practice but you can get there. getting to where I’m at isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Even when someone consistently shows me love I don’t let them in simply because some of my biggest betrayals came from those who claimed they loved me the most.

Honestly I could’ve had a much bigger social and romantic circle by now, but I simply won’t put in the effort to build new relationships. It’s automatic with me. Despite how magnetic I’ve become as a person I consciously keep ppl at an arms distance, even if I’ve known them my whole life. It is what it is. I’ve accepted this and I’m cool with it, not how I wanted things to be but I’d rather protect myself. I’m now only loyal to me and me alone.

I still treat others somewhat fairly and show a similar level of treatment as they give me but ultimately I’ve become cold and it doesn’t look like I’ll be thawing out anytime soon.

2 Likes
#1136

Youve got it spot on. Insightful as always.

I think that’s the issue - the fear of physical and verbal violence and terror when in defiance of some perceived family edict. In my case the “consequences” of defying an order resulted in physical and verbal violence with terror. When you have a parent the size of a giant screaming blue murder at you whilst whipping you… well, you can imagine going against that as a kid.

That will need some effort to recondition the fear response. Therapy might help too, like it needs a safe space to say “it’s OK to say no” and feel good.

Starting with the very first betrayal from parents.
The most painful lessons are never forgotten.

2 Likes
#1137

That’s definitely some heavy stuff to deal with. It’s also a prime example of trauma based coping strategies that get developed.

Having a healing environment is really important, you’re right. The messed up part with childhood trauma like that is the important lessons on an emotional level are never learned as a child and causes dysfunction as an adult. So as an adult these can be like emotional flashback situations where you’re transported back into the mindset of that scared child. And unfortunately there are people out there that see that as an opportunity to prey on you. It definitely puts a target on your back.

This is the difficult part with things like this. Consciously we know how we should act but subconsciously we respond in a completely different way.

Do you feel like you’ve developed relationships in your life where you can trust the person 100% or do you have a tendency to keep others at arms length away?

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#1138

There is an earlier trauma of a childhood close friend who became my school bully. Since then I have kept people away.

As an adult, the handful of people who I trusted and initially were suportive eventually became distant when I asked them for reciprocity. So even then trying to open up I still had that childhood stuff in the back of my mind.

Man it’s tough but even asking these questions are a great help. :+1:

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#1139

Damn that best friend turned bully thing is rough. I got similar experiences too with people turning away when I needed em and I’ve known plenty others with that same experience. For your own sake bro I wish you deep healing said trauma. I know it’s not an easy burden to bear.

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#1140

This is the kind of stuff therapists can be really good for. They understand the difficulties that come with life events like this, more than the average person. It’s hard if not impossible to get this kind of validation anywhere else. And even if you can find a friend, it can be unfair to unconsciously start using them as a therapist. That’s another thing I’ve learned, there’s a huge difference between having a support system vs dumping emotionally on others. Just because people can’t meet you at that level of depth doesn’t mean they’re an uncaring person. It’s just people have their own challenges and it can be a lot on top of that. So certain situations where we do open up and don’t get the intended response can be triggering in their own way because it echoes past emotional neglect.

Communication is always key. Expectations is what hurts relationships the most. There are people out there that want to meet you in the trenches, but part of being a healthy adult is setting boundaries and knowing when you’re being dragged down as well.

In short it can be all messed up. It sucks. And by no means am I saying most people operate like this. The amount of toxic relationships out there are staggering. Some of us wall off and some of us become co-dependent. Like anything in life it’s about balance and not leaning towards an extreme. But you’re aware of all this which is good. There are definitely people out there that don’t even bother looking inward or changing their behavior and just hurt people around them.

2 Likes
#1141

Quick update on the Chosen stack:

I’m feeling the quiet leadership from just being at work, I’m guiding the fellow newbies to the job as well as learning myself. I do still have a way to go to be a little more convincing in my own opinions - people pleaser habits - because no, other people are not higher up or smarter than me. I’m also feeling I can cope with the stresses of the job much better (there are a lot of impatient people and noises), in fact I’m the one telling others to calm down…
I do love the gentle, positive leadership quality, rather than the fuck you, get out of my way domination bullshit that pollutes alpha circles nowadays. Speak softly but carry a big stick is so 2022…

Chosen from Within? Got a short holiday coming up :sunglasses:

4 Likes
#1142

Chosen continues to impress. I had little hopes for this sub compared to others like Ascension and Stark, but Chosen is keeping me in a strong positive frame of mind, even at work – sometimes bosses load you up with unimportant nonsense to add to essential tasks - and yet my instinct is to shield my colleagues from them, as if I’m taking a leadership role. Weird…

Chosen + Chosen from Within is also doing something interesting – women are taking a shine to me. During my holiday I gave little thought to anybody else and just enjoyed my own company and yet women are showing up. I’ve sworn off relationships for a couple of years but why are women now gravitating towards me?

Overall the good feelings are just wonderful, I don’t need to think about maintaining a positive mindset, it just happens, it’s not silly Pollyanna stuff, it’s also grounded in quiet alphaness.

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#1143

Sometimes when a woman senses that a man likes his own company, she figures that she just might enjoy his company too.

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#1144

It’s a good possibility, I didn’t expect Chosen to be a woman magnet, but I suppose leadership (of self) is somewhat attractive.

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#1145

I don’t know if it’s wholly the title but man! Chosen - Positivity, confidence and presence, all that was good about Ascension with added self love and care. No more “I’m not worthy, I’m no good, other people are better than me” mess.

I am worthy.
I am capable
I’ve got my own self esteem
I can do it

Absolutely no clinging onto others like a crutch, I stand on my own two feet (a fulltime job helps) and I can toot my own horn when it’s deserved.

For those who wonder about the aura, trust me others feel it when they react like they either love you or hate you with a visceral passion. There isn’t a day where I get electrical shocks off of something - even rubber!

Chosen is the MVP. Very underrated title. Alpha in a very positive, laid back and life affirming way.

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#1146

I believe this quote from the CFW thread may go some way towards explaining this :wink: particularly if you consider what objectives are being talked about.

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