Finding my True North

Journals - Major Programs
#21

"When you stop caring, here they come"

Ascended Mogul

  • Huge uptick in people (ok, women!) being pleased that I’m working alongside them. I work in retail, the feedback is positive. Somehow I end up getting moved last minute and it works out well.
    Twice I got told that they’ll have me back in their teams, and doing what they can to send for me.

  • Also beginnings of new friendships are starting to emerge, again with women, but this time there’s an appreciation, rather than a need to compensate for lack of self esteem.

  • Getting a few affectionate shoulder punches in return…

Feel safe to drop Rebirth as I no longer feel the need. I am looking forward to that new “Absolute Power” title for added manipulation protection.

2 Likes
#22

Week 5 conclusion:

  • Starting to manage my money, cut out a lot of bullshit spending and putting it into the things that matter, like materials for art, essentials and more subs (:wink:).

  • Talked to a group of women on a train that got cancelled last minute and told them what was happening, spontaneously and it felt natural.

  • Made an odd comment to myself “I’ve got a few small business…” Entrepreneurship is actually a possibility in the mind.

The future:
Well, that last sales email from Sub Club did it for me. Will your girl cheat on you? Been contemplating it for a while, pros and cons… and purchased Khan and listening to Stage 1: Total Breakdown.

Feeling a little bit of shame (and infidelity) for not completing 2-3 months of either Asc or AscMogul, but Khan feels right at this time. Also I’m fearing that I’ll lose the gains made from both subs, especially when it comes to my art career. Still listening to Ultimate Artist alongside it, so it’ll be interesting to see the combined effects.

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#23

You won’t. Khan continues what Ascension and Ascended Mogul started, and adds more goodness.

It’s not like a totally different sub. :slight_smile:

1 Like
#24

@AMASH you don’t know how much guilt you’ve saved me there. That is fantastic to hear!

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#25

The Truth is: Khan is an advanced version of Ascension, Ascended Mogul, and Emperor.

It works on wealth, dominance, confidence, and in ST4 on fast learning. Plus, it has manifestation technology too.

So you’ve chosen well @Michel. Just please don’t play Khan ST1 and Ultimate Artist equally.

Make is something like 3x Khan and 1x Ultimate Artist. Khan is way WAY too beneficial and important to reduce its exposure. And Ultimate Artist is focused, it will work well with less exposure, so you let Khan ST1 heal the deep blockages instead of trying to add more programming while it’s healing :wink:

3 Likes
#26

Luckily the playlist is Khan heavy, with 1x UA, so that’s a relief! Thanks!

I’m familiar with foundation-type subs already (from elsewhere) so TB doesn’t scare me. What does is how big the changes will be… I’m rereading your journal @AMASH now.

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#27

Funnily, ST2 is harder than ST1, and you can only feel and notice the big changes when you get to ST3.

But it’s worth it. ST1 and ST2 is the price you pay for the person you become on ST3 and ST4. It’s BIG.

5 Likes
#28

Khan
Total Breakdown
Day 1:

Total Breakdown feels smooth - with Rebirth clearing the way previously.

  • How is it that I can feel clear in the mind, yet losing my shit at the drop of a hat? Over trivial nonsense? Noticing a few men trying to shake me, and me responding in kind…

  • Women have a polarising response: they either can’t get enough of me … or they absolutely hate my guts.

  • Getting up earlier too.

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#29

Awesome! Khan ST1 is a roller coaster ride :smile:

1 Like
#30

I’ll level up: Khan got me messed up because of one thing - a bad relationship.

She was extremely sexually free and had picked me out because she thought I was the same. She quickly discovered that I was a “nice guy” and soon she blew hot/cold with me and it fucked me up. Thinking I needed to try harder, I went along with her, catering to her needs, which seemed to dampen her spirit. I was afraid to lose her.

The end was me surprising her with a gift for my birthday… and she straight up left, which shattered me.

I learned later that she was getting “serviced” by someone else on the side (with the dude getting pretty tired of her) and I was the supposed replacement…

Six years later on and off, she’s finally decided to move on, so I’ve been trying to heal up and move on.

Hence Khan. I don’t ever want that to be in that weak position again.

5 Likes
#31

You won’t be. Just wait until you’re in Khan ST4, and that memory will be just a past distant experience.

And yes, being a “nice guy” fucks everything up. It’s illogical, really, but that’s how life works.

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#32

That sucks man, sorry you had to go through that. You know not excusing nice guy behavior, cuz it is toxic. But there’s a certain level of immaturity with a woman that just runs off and does something without communicating about the issue. My personal opinion, guys have WAY too much responsibility and blame thrown their way when a woman wants to be a bitch. True some of them get swept away in emotions and desire, but come the fuck on. If I have the integrity to be in a relationship and not stick my dick in the next hot piece of ass that comes my way, I’d expect her to do the same. Didn’t mean to rant, but I think more women need to be called out on their bullshit.

5 Likes
#33

I guess that’s done indirectly by putting up boundaries and refusing to pander to bad behaviour. Half of that type of behaviour happens because somebody (like me) traded their self respect for a bad relationship and didn’t previously scope the woman to see if she was stable in the first place.

It’s a blow to the ego for sure, but in the end, we learn from that type of painful experience and try to progress forward.

3 Likes
#34

Khan
Total Breakdown
Day 3:

Holy shit, this sub is dense. Need to cut back on the amount of loops overnight as I have a dull ache on one side of my head. They weren’t joking, this is even tougher than the previous alpha male sub I used ages ago.

The dominance which came with Ascension has gone walkies, others sensing they can once again try to out size me, and succeeding.

This bit interested me:

Narcissistic abuse fills the child’s mind with all sorts of wrong beliefs about themselves and life, that keeps them regressed and stuck in cycles of pain. Very few subs address this with a view to erasing them completely. So I’m glad TB does this. Hoping this completely wiped the slate clean.

5 Likes
#35

It’s temporary. It happened to me too when I have started ST1, and also in the beginning of ST2.

Give it time. The Dominance Khan gives you, especially when you get to ST3 and ST4 is something you can’t even imagine right now.

There are brighter days ahead, keep going!

6 Likes
#36

Khan
Total Breakdown
Day 4:

Was invited to a private viewing with my art peers and they were nice but very brief with me.
Then I was hit with a disturbing revelation: they didn’t really care about me. I mean, I was invited, but felt ignored and dismissed, like I was on the outside looking in. Stood around in the gallery with this sinking feeling.
How could I have studied with these people for two years only to be treated like a leper? I left early wanting to cry and throw up.

However the flip side is the new turn in the road - Khan. I can see big changes and successes coming in my physical development, with money and dating and sexual options with women. I can also see me leaving the art world and being successful in some other venue. It’s quite disturbing and exciting at the same time.

I saw a bus ad on the way home, which said “Find your True North”. Quite.

Total Breakdown: upsetting, but in an unexpected way.

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#37

I look forward to continue seeing your progress, and the decisions you’ll come to.

These seem to be hard but interesting times of change for you @Michel

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#38

@Michel - “Find your True North”. Now that’s purpose, identity, clarity, destiny, ascension and everything good rolled into one.

4 Likes
#39

Khan
Total Pick Up Chicks Breakdown
Week One

Overall:
Man, there were times I wanted to quit Khan, because it was getting tough to handle. Even having a near panic attack from holding two competing ideas at the same time. One more night of Khan solved this.

I’m also going to put the art on hold for now. The path to getting a career going is full of rejections, near misses and disinterest. It’s probably not meant for me, can’t take anymore failure.

Weird dreams:

  1. seeing a crocodile with a huge beard (!),
  2. seeing the US Chief of Staff ordering his Virginia mansion to be bombed by Harrier jets because he had enough of fixing his faulty plumbing…

Taking my Power back:
Another thing is I’m now seem to have a bullshit detector. I know when someone is low key manipulating me to be someone else’s slave, and throw it back at them. Unfortunately this comes from family, who installed all the faulty “give love to get love”, “serve your mother always”, “think of others before yourself”, “keep quiet” “you’re inferior to us” conditioning that is getting stripped off.
My gym sessions are steady, might add in boxing, because there’s always one dude that thinks he can start shit.

Women:
Yes, it’s a category that I’ve sworn off for a long time and vowed never to return. But it’s happening too regularly to not notice. Women are paying attention and getting sexually excited. Several girls who I work with have this deer-in-headlights look when I talk to them. REALLY friendly, like “being sad that I’m not around for a while” friendly. Another girl made a double take sexual comment behind me at lunch, that could have been for me.
Even at the art gallery where I got upset, I forgot that one very attractive brunette was keeping an eye on me.

Conclusion:
I am… sad that the old me is fading away from view every day I listen to Khan. My long held identity as a shy, weak, constant failure at life is morphing into something very exciting. Week one, done.

10 Likes
#40

The Coen Bros and Tarantino would absolutely be into that. Me too.
Amazing journal so far btw.

5 Likes