Dark inside, Light Outside
Dunno if I went through some sort of heavy reconciliation but all of a sudden I caught some worry feelz, which I knew had something to do with being inside with nothing to do. The new Corona restrictions in the UK are a bit of a worry too. But as soon as I go outside, things aren’t as bad as they seem. In fact there is a lot of hope for humanity and the future.
Salty rivers run shallow
And just like on Khan, StarkQ is showing me a tidal flow of haters… Except on Khan or isn’t as severe and in your face (a few coughs, dudes running away). Some low key bitterness easily handled. A confident, powerful presence isn’t liked by everybody. It’s only the men that do this stupid shit.
I’ve also completely cut out justifying my presence to anyone. I’m laser focused on me and what I need to do. No more pandering and abandoning myself to go extract approval from people. Which leads me to women…
On women
It’s complicated. The desperate need for women has gone. My path is the only thing that matters. However women have given me the “lion sees dinner” look numerous times.
I’ve also felt the need to take charge of conversations with women, realising that it’s no good letting things just drift along. I can start, steer things along and end it when I want.
Neutral gear
StarkQ has a reputation for being a bit on the lazy side. I’m definitely not as driven on this as when I was motivated by fear. But things are slowly moving in the right direction. Installed my laptop table and dismantled my many art canvases. Sad as it is, it’s a new fresh, clean start.
Things are moving in the right direction north.