That sounds like a negative environment thing, some people are happy and conditioned with the bare minimum. Ascension will get you up on out of that hole for yourself, even if you have to leave people behind for it.
just say no
I used to envy people that could “stand on business”, the people that have a vision or idea and it withstands criticism. The ability to say “I hear you but imma do it anyway”.
That muscle is starting to flex!
And I always thought that it was arrogance and selfish to hear someone’s suggestions and actively disregard them. Who the hell am I to do that? Don’t I know other people are superior in being and knowledge? I must do what they say immediately or else. What am I expecting, a beating?
I mean that’s basic adulting. It’s good to be open minded and to consider other people’s opinions. But to do it reflexively and without resistance? Is that even allowed?
Why am I only discovering it now in my 40s?
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Huh. Figured you were younger than me (36). Learn something new everyday.
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locked in
Foundation is in, not felt any flinching in public nor shrinking of self. It’s holding up quite well. ST2 doing its thing but I’m still feeling sluggish. Might need a week off subs before restarting.
A few times where I should have been the weak one when faced with a “thug”, I held up and never one felt intimidated (They are scared of me!) Because the sun is out there are plenty of young bucks out here flexing and peacocking for the girls. I’ve decided to do something else - remain centred and grounded in my own universe. There’s no need to act out for anyone to prove masculinity.
This ST2 has the vibe of a divorced father figure - he’s been through some life changing horrendous shit, survived and now he’s just rebuilt his life. He’s just here to vibe.
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Really liking my stack (LBFH, ST2) so much that I might order a custom with it and run it long term. It is the ultimate foundation builder - love for your self and building self respect.
Went to the big park by myself, got some street food and enjoyed the early summer observing the antics of other people. I got to see what other people do for sexual attraction like flexing their biceps, stomach rack, curves, titties and arse and said to myself "I’m sooo glad to be out of that silly game!"
I’m not playing for scraps anymore. I like myself a lot now, I don’t care for others approval - something I could never say at least a year ago. The self love and healing from LBFH had helped enormously here and I get treated like royalty - that park meal was supersized without asking.
Now the aim is to enjoy this cycle thoroughly, whilst having an eye on building my creative career. I can now say the survival era is now over.
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One year before. What a change! Interesting to look back on struggling with stabilising, leaking out energy and fearing disapproval so intensely. Wanting the room to agree with my being before relaxing.
DRLD, Joy and especially New LBFH cured the above childhood behaviours within a cycle.
Now as a veteran of Ascension, I’m still scarred by the collapses and false beginnings of becoming a grounded man through previous runs. However it seems that the ST1 work is holding well.
I can’t pick out the various features just yet, although self worth independence and advanced planning for events and meetups are better. Zero people pleasing and validation seeking, less taking on other people’s emotional shit too. Attraction from a mindset of “I’m good either way”.
Beyond that, apart from building up is the unknown. What if success becomes normal? What happens if I actually fulfil my dreams?
priority reconfiguring
It seems my priority is just to build myself, using Ascension ST2, increasing play to 3m and reaping the rewards of a clearer, more worthy self, more core self confidence and being more selective with my time and energy - I’ll not be attending any sort of art group events after my crit mauling and I won’t be missed, however my own friend circle desperately want to meet me this summer (ain’t that some shit?).
Lesson learned - don’t stay anywhere where I’m an afterthought. It isn’t “rude” and they’ll cope.
Romance is a disaster zone too, so I’m no longer willing to invest more time in it. I notice that I pursue the incompatible/unavailable ones, dating apps are a complete waste of time and it feels like a crapshoot - you get lucky/unlucky. So DreamBoi is getting cut down to once in a while.
Instead of chasing down romance, since no one is actually interested, my aim should be finding out what my unique spark is, the talent that no one else has that can unlock fulfillment, riches and purpose.
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wtf
And like the tides, female attraction is back… and better than before. Women respond much stronger. Both Wanted and DreamBoi can’t even compare to this sub.
Several times women kept invading my space - when I sat, a girl with luggage was almost climbing into my seat. Then lip biting and flesh displays while simply walking through shopping centres and sat enjoying my own picnic. I still don’t understand it. It’s something to do with presence or some shit…
Ascension is giving me so much in terms of stability, gravity, inner boss swag and some big dick energy. I struggle with embodying other subs but this one is an absolute keeper. No more wasted effort, just quick “alpha” development for minimum effort.
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I can’t figure this shit out.
It’s definitely WANTED coming out of my skin.
It has to be because when women hang around and are kneeling on seats to stand near me, that’s not DreamBoi territory.
All I had to do was let ST1 and ST2 play out. Nothing else.
I’m actually seeing delayed success because of this foundation I’ve been advising others to develop before.
I’m also embracing preppy chic - one button down polo shirt with shorts. It looks corny to others but it reflects me all over, nerdy, not trying to muscle flex.
Beginning to smile to myself because…
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Its both their territories. Dream boy can be juat as seuxal as wanted, people juat struggle with tapping into their authentic sexuality and what not.
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embodimentus
Settling more into my body feels great, almost erotic. I’m learning to enjoy accepting how my body appears - I look like a gentle boxer 
and that works for me as it stops me ever being a target to be picked on.
I now know who is for me and who isn’t and trusting what my body says rather than ignoring it and trying to force connection - my soul group desperately wants to meet me, whereas the art peer group aren’t bothered. LBFH helps me know the difference.
I also seem to be expressing the beginnings of coquette behaviour since it feels safe to do so. I think a lot of the Wanted features only start to come out thanks to body safety and respect. Neediness is replaced by the new attitude of “I know you desire me, come find me”.
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Reminds me of my first run of Chosen. I was coming off Wanted and the LBFH. I was getting a lot of that knowing who was right for me kinda thing. Also had a few moments where I just felt love coming off other people, almost as if they weren’t aware of it themselves or something. Really cool stuff.
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Feel like some of the Stabiliser effects are slipping away - since I’m ADHD, I’m painfully aware that I cannot focus on an important task like formal marking for very long, still have doom piles of clothing lying around and spend large amounts of time on the scroll. But when it comes to planning and cleaning up, it gets done fairly quickly and immediately. It’s something that I’ve accepted that this is how things are. I have no desire to be “cured” or “straightened out” as it helps me with my creative practice.
ST2 is a little heavy going too, I find. Feeling sluggish in my day to day. Maybe I’m discovering more of a free spirit vibe?
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Facts. You see the Uno reverse game play here and I think that’s the inbuilt Wanted mechanism for us to learn and master. It’s like some divine spiritual lesson.
Kinda sorta. Its detachment from the end result thats the key. Do the thing but be content either which way.
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Right, so I’ve cut back on ST2 (3 min) and such a relief to not have overload and a head full of ideas trying to digest it all. There’s always been this subconscious reliance on another person, usually my mother or some authority I’ve appointed to tell me who I am, now I feel like I can emotionally stand on my own two feet and discard the flyaway opinions and prejudices. The training wheels have been removed and I can cycle. Emotional codependency was my reality until today.
Work tasks have taught me that ADHD is still my home, my reality, but as long as it gets done on time, I don’t give a fuck. The discipline to plan my work load ahead of time, spread it out and stick to it (with breaks) surprised me so much. I’m so head fucked.
Wanted is clicking into place nicely in a way from the inside-out: my last run of Wanted had me brutally facing up to unworthiness, jealousy and codependency while looking outward for a woman to fix it. Now, because of ST1 doing its foundation work, I’m feeling the sexy vibes for myself and developing the mindset of “No, I can do better”.
Who the fuck am I to think like that, eh?
Wanted is playing with me
or am I’m playing with Wanted?!
In my usual spot for lunch and a tall blonde woman was walking towards me with huge dominant “notice me” energy, I locked eyes, then looked away to the side. This felt effortless because usually I fold and lose my centre but this time it felt empowering to choose my focus. It wasn’t hot and cold, just polite acknowledgement - I see you, you’re impressively attractive and I’ll carry on with my day.
This self development thing is actually going in the right direction. Wish my creative practice would too - feeling unwelcome by my peer group almost makes me want to quit it. I feel uneasy thinking about it, ST2 made sure of that.
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Oh, and “fuck an IOI”, lol! 
In the best way because being surrounded by IOIs are a feature of the product, something I’m starting to get lean to without getting overexcited - in fact they fell like an inevitability. Once these attraction signs become normal for a Wanted man, then the next stage can begin.
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Another reason I like LBFH:
Met a female colleague and went on a gallery exhibition, it felt easy and our interests aligned, we spent the best part of 3 hours moving very slowly past the paintings and talking about ourselves.
Then it hit me… this is what it feels like to have aligned people in your life… You actually belong.
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I don’t know what’s responsible for all the free stuff I’ve been receiving - admission for the gallery, free food, opportunities falling into my lap, but I sure am grateful 
Also my work tasks that I estimated on the fly to complete were done on time and no one had a bad word to say about it. Out of sight…
I know now which people are worth it and those who aren’t and my body can feel the difference. I can’t physically be near those who don’t give a fuck, I can’t do it. I refuse.
Just being selective and not giving away my light for free - disappear on people, then they’ll value you eventually (or they can see my clean heels).
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