Falling into the light (thought and observations about Khan's Journey)

Journals - Major Programs
#11

Just read Amash’s post (Honest Review of Khan) and I will use the same word… Overwhelmed. The feeling of anxiety is present, I don’t know what to do… plenty of anxiety.

My self confidence is pretty high, flirted in a friendly manner with my coworkers today (without realizing it!). Only problem right now is maybe my libido which was crashed because of a sad/depressed mood during stage 1 and now is crashed because of anxiety during stage 2!

But I had the same kind of anxiety when I first ran emperor before by brain slowly accepted more and more the suggestions and the new belifs… the anxiety will be gone in maybe a week or two (for emperor), maybe more since Khan is bigger than emperor! Can’t wait to see what kind of belifs Khan will modify! For now I have to go back preparing myself for my exam of july 6! :slight_smile:

Best regards,
WhiteTiger

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#12

Exactly.

Also very true.

I can’t wait to reach the breakthrough point and for running Khan ST2 to become more “comfortable”.

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#13

Went out with some friends tonight to an event with approximatly 500 people, wasn’t feeling that much down to approach, but during the evening my friend pushed me… did 8 approach and got rejected 8 times really fast oops, guess I wasn’t my best evening! Even went to a random girl during the night (didn’t count this as an aproach), and asked her if I had a wierd vibe… she told me I seemed normal! But I wasn’t feeling like continuing the conversation after asking her that… I just realised that all the approach were probaly wierd because I wasn’t launching a conversation or anything, didn’t give a shit and I don’t feel like entertaining someone I don’t give a shit about :roll_eyes:

I really feel like I have a bad vibe in my patterns of thinking, I remember last summer I was approaching some girls and getting their numbers… they weren’t all good numbers, but you know, it was still better that instant rejection… and now I would say that I didn’t get rejected since I just stared at them like I was waiting for them to say something… I don’t know from where that pattern of thinking is coming, I don’t feel like smiling, I don’t really appreciate my day to day life neither…

For the good part, I decided to get my parchute liscence so I can jump alone :smiley: and I’ll see some friends I haven’t seen in a while this weekend! I can’t wait for reconcilliation to stop (or at least lower), I feel a little bit like the opposite that what I am supposed to feel hahaha, there are some belifs that needs to go!

Sincerely,
WhiteTiger

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#14

That all sounds pretty typical to me. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Sounds like it’s digging at stuff you’re not even aware of presently. But something will surface.

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#15

Today I just realised something not so funny… I am so socially akward! In the past few days, I have this vibe where I wan’t to talk to people, but at the same time I don’t want… or I don’t smile as often, which makes me a little bit too closed off (and my vocal tonality reflect this also!). I don’t know if it is because of this, or because I was always akward and because of Khan just realised it… or it may be that I am scared of being rejected in general and Khan brought that up by trying to push me socializing! :o Anyway, I hope my mind will get clear with that and I will be able to talk like I used to be able… yesterday I was on fire when talking to one of my old female friend, teasing her (maybe a little too much, but as long as she was laughing authenticly I guess it is fine).

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#16

I feel like Khan Stage 2 makes me want to fix myself! Friday last week I stopped chewing nicotine, bad habit I developped a couple years ago, and fell in it again because of the stressful period of my life and my inability to keep my emotions in check. I read that nicotine is good for the libido at short term because it boost dopamine and serotonine, but once you get used to it, it becomes bad because you always need more nicotine to maintain your dopamine levels and it constrict your veins… which lowers your reaction to sexual stimulus!

Then, it has been about two weeks I stopped eating ice cream and started tracking my macros again! I’m following maybe a 5% deficit every day… eating veggies every days… now the “bad” food I eat is pasta hahahaha I don’t miss McDonald and ice cream!

Next, I am still taking accutane, but I was really tired all the time (even when I drink coffee and have a really good night of sleep… sometime I was falling asleep at 8PM even tho I am used going to bet at 10h30…), I thought it might be my liver which is starting to slow down a little bit because I drank alcohool with the medecin even tho I am not supposed to :sweat_smile: Got myself some TUDCA and some NAC just in case!

Also, got 80% at my exam, I will have my liscence to sell investment products! yay!

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Honest Review of Khan
#17

I feel the same, social things are being worked hard! Went out this friday, didn’t talked to anybody except people I knew, which is rare! One girl I saw (we already saw each other at another party), I just randomly interlaced fingers with her to say hello… didn’t planned at all… and I was scared as fuck to talk to strangers! I also didn’t felt confortable going to the dance floor because it was too crowded! :open_mouth:

Yesterday I was at a friend’s house and he invited a couple of people I didn’t knew (one of them was a really hot girl, taken unfortunatly, but anyways), I was soooo shy about talking to them… I even got a couple of opportinity to talk to the hot girl, but I was soooo much in my head!

I feel like I am going backward, the “in my head”, “I don’t know what to say” problem when being social was “dealth with” like two years ago and it kept getting better and better! I have trouble maintaining eye contact and my self confidence is a little bit shaken.

On the other hand, a lot of people I knew friday paid me shooters and gave me free alcohool and I was really interested in knowing them! I even talked to a security member and talked for a minutes of two with him!

My mind is so mixed right now, some of the things I used to be able to do socially are crushed and I feel like I am powerless, and sometime I just do something that I was doing in my super social night, like socializing with the staff member and just meeting a girl with the hand thing…

I feel like Khan ST2 is making me relive my past difficulties at being social from the beginning… not wanting to be social at all… being afraid of being rejected and not speaking to anybody… trying to socialize but being akward because of the inner fear… wanting to socialize but not knowing what to say…

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#18

Fun week I had, I can see some changes still going on! This week I fixed my gut flora and testosterone (continuing to work on my health), my BF% has continued going down a little bit also… had a great workout once I fixed my T levels! My bioavalible testosterone was at 147 ng/dl (average is approx. 240 to 950. My test is in low range and my SHBG is high)… Started taking my clomid again… and girls seems more attractive all of a sudden (I also booked like 10 appointments with clients next week because I felt driven)!

As far as the social part go, I went to a small house party friday night, started talking with a cute girl, for 30 minutes (and really having fun in the conversation), think we connected well, unfortunatly she said she had a boyyfriend… and I did the same with another girl, learned she had a boyfriend also (the guy came to kiss her while we were talking), but IDC, I really enjoyed the conversation and the fun we were having so I just continued speaking! This is a little different for me, usually I don’t really trust/like (mommy issues) girl and the only reason I speak to them is to have fun by teasing them and provoking them, and trying to hook-up! This time was really different! I was ENJOYING the time and was fully immersed in the present moment. I was lightly teasing and creating a little bit of tension… not too much… just to keep the conversation nice (even tho I can handle tension wayyy better since starting KhanST2). These discussions I had with girls hit me hard because I realised something in me has changed!

I am still scared to go toward people, I am much less forward when I engage people… but I feel like stage 3 is really focused on pushing you… so I am not stressed and really happy with the progress I am making here!

I will start ST 3 pretty soon so I feel confident that I will be able to conquer these last challenges armed with new belifs!

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#19

Nice White Tiger i plan to jimp back on Khan in a week. As listening to Khan was making me tearful and tried. Thr last thing i wanted to do is be like this at work.

Right now i am on emperor, true social and Libertine.

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#20

When do you plan to, @GoldenTiger?

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#21

Right after I finished my 30 days at Stage 2! I will run 30 days Stage 3 and then run Stage 4 to push everything together!

I think Stage 3 is for me the most important stage since I have a tendency to start dwelling and finding excuses not to go out, not to push myself…

The sub that pushed me the most for now is Emperor. Usually there is a snowball effect that goes on with taking action!

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#22

Yeah, I feel like Khan works differently than emperor! Emperor made me feel strong, confident and horny… Khan… well my libido is not so high. I don’t feel like Stage 1 & 2 of Khan are focused on building strong drive within yourself, much of the focus is on inner beliefs.

I thino the switch from Emperor to Khan will not be rewarding in the shorter term, but will build something stronger in the longer term!

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#23

Started Khan St3 yesterday, I decided to meditate… this morning, woke up early, cleaned my whole appartment, re-install the old wordpress I had on my computer and searched for a page I built with it last year (found it). I was thinking about re-launching the project… and on another note, have any one of you guys heard about red light therapy?

Then called one of my friend, told them we are going to do cardio… we went! then came back, got called by one of my friend to go and chill outside, it is waaaaay to hot!!! didn’t drank any alcohool at all!

Strong start for Khan Stage 3, a month ago I was complaining that I had zero drive to do anything… look at me now hahahaha lets see if Khan Stage 3 can manifest a twin sisters for me and @AMASH we’ll have to call god and tell him we’ve broken the world! World.exe has stopped working…

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#24

YES! :joy::joy::joy::joy:

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#25

OK.
A while ago I helped a man pay a parking ticket for one of his employee, he told me to come and see him in his office… at the top of the building next to my office. After my shift I just went up, the evelator in the building, went directly to the big office and rang the bell… I was soooo stressed out! Me, a 24 yrs old guy fresh out of school, just moved out of my parent’s basement… going to see randomly a multi-millionnaire man working hard to build his firm while being one of the most influencial man in my city…!

The door never opened… I asked around to see if they were there. The office was closed when I got there… so I couldn’t talked to anybody. But I am still proud of myself. I went up there to meet him by myself, got out of my comfort zone. Even if he wasn’t there, I took action!

I will go back next week!

Signing off’
WhiteTiger

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#26

I feel like stage 3 is doing the same as stage 2… stage 2 was about developping social skills for me, stage 3 is about taking action and feeling sexual…

Thing is, last day I had a party with some friends, and I felt like checking out the girls there! Thing is, I had SHAME about getting caught! Usually I just go with the flow, show some sexual intent, and it is much less creepy to assume checking a girl out than being super shy about it! FUCK, I created a little bit of sexual tension with a girl, and boom! I break eye contact… I had already gone through this learning, the phase where you learn to love your sexual intent, project them outside, play with it…

I remember when I spoke to a girl yesterday (she was doing crossfit and was really fit), we spoke together and I feel like the things I learned with stage 2 stuck with me because I was able to have a nice conversation. But the part where I start expressing sexual intent, I just couldn’t! Even if I’ve done it so many times in the past, even to the extent of being wierd with it, expressing sexual intent to all the girls around me for fun haha

I played a game also yesterday and I wanted to WIN, I was competitive, which is a part of me I recently started exploring with Khan! Me wanting and deserving to win.

Next thing to re-learn… being comfortable with my sexuality and showing is… which is the base of any sexual relationship!

5 Likes
#27

I read on the forum about different speaker… so I decided to test mine with the 20-20khz track that was shared here! This is the result, full of distortion at higher frequency!!! Got me thinking if I ran months of subs with slight distortion and not getting the full effect… so I purchased a Soundcore Motion+ which is supposed to have 40khz frequency response! I’ll also be able to use it when I want to listen to music :slight_smile:

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Anyway, as far as the week go, I went to see the guy I tried to see last week! I was finally able to meet him even tho if his employee was dubious about me coming in to his office (he had an attitude like: yeah… what the hell are you doing here). I felt small af! He found it really funny that I came to say Hi to him and told me he liked optimistic people. So I gave him my card and left… I was a little bit shocked, but at least I tried…

Next day at 8h30 am, I get a call from him, he want’s to meet me to talk about his account. He comes to my office with his sun (his sun is something like 35-40yrs old), they are both businessman, and we discuss their accounts and I gave them the info they wanted, we talked a little bit…

Yesterday he called again to close one of his account so he sent his son to explain the details and sings. We talked about passions and I had a chance to tell him that I really admired people doind business and that I wanted to build a website to sell some products that I find really cool! Little did I knew that guys have PLENTY of websites where he sells stuff internationally… he is also doing business with his father, but all of his primary business are online and we start talking… finally he told me that he will send me an e-mail with some really useful resources to prevent stupid mistakes and write to me his top tips to start out selling a product! (he asked for my personnal e-mail, not my professionnal!)

I didn’t saw that coming!

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#28

Awesome!

Could you keep us up to date to what results you notice with the superior speakers?

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#29

Yeah, of course, but keep in mind that the results were from shitty speaker to beast!! :sunglasses: for now I feel more and more like I need to start my business, and I contacted a bunch of girls online hahaha, two of them were down to see me next week, but nothing solid!

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#30

I was SAD yesterday… and I am sad today… it just hit me why… I was telling myself “I wish I could go back a couple years ago”… When I was a student, only caring about getting my grades to pass… I can’t push back the question anymore? “How am I going to live my life??”

I have to take responsability now. And seeing some of my friends going back to school, I feel left out. I feel like I can’t go back, I have responsability and I have no choice but to face them.

It will be the first time in my life where I won’t be at school and I am scared af! I think Khan ST4 is only brining that conflict to the surface! Well, I’ll have to figure out what I will do with my life. I pushed back that question for the past 5 years, now it’s at my doorstep, it’s knocking… and it know I’m there…

If anybody has any advice about the first thing they would do in a situation like this, I would gladly hear it! :slight_smile:

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