First of all, I know this is a long text but I would really appreciate if you would read through and maybe give some advice. Thank you.
I hate to admit that but I have a problem. I am currently not having the sex life I want AND not because I don’t have the girls but because I have extreme performance problems. My parents are married for over 30 years and I think they stopped having sex 28 years ago - I am not even sure at this point if they had sex more than 10 times together. And I always neglected that fact but I am feeling this influenced me more than I think.
I never had real sex education and we never talked about having sex. I grew up by shaming my penis resulting in me hiding and masturbating in the bedsheets. I shamed myself when I got erections for the first time - and masturbated because I got addicted to this feeling of freedom. I never learned that I should withdraw my foreskin so I did not do it until I was 14.
I had my first sexual encounter with around 16. There was this gorgeous girl and we passionately made out. It got sexual pretty fast and the first thing I did was to make excuses to not let her touch my penis. Why? Because I knew that if she did, I would come in a second. So I said I had to go home or something. I liked her a lot so I thought “ok let’s do that” and we meet up again. After seconds, we were laying on the bed half naked making out. I fingered her. It was pretty shit so we stopped after 20 seconds but I had that achievement “Yeah I did it” haha. Anyway, we continued making out and being very intimate. I massaged her ass and she started to do the same, and suddenly she was slipping her hand in my underwear touching my penis and BOOM I came. The feeling of her touching me was immense. After that, we stopped, talked some more and she showed me her roof terrace. I was literally shaking with my knees because I was so ashamed.
I fell in a slight depression because of that. I did not want to have to experience this EVER again.
2 years later…
When I masturbate I still sometimes come in my underwear because I have no real safe spot where I can masturbate without having to fear that I get caught. I cannot lock my door and my door is out of glass so that you can easily spot me when you stand outside. It is not because my parents want to do harm or watch me or something but just because the architecture in our house is really amazing. Still, this is making me repressing my sexuality.
I wanted to change that so badly to get rid of my performance problems, so I started to run Khan St1, “End premature ejaculation” subs from another vendor and Sex Mastery v2
In terms of my sexual relationships, I made out with another girl 1 month ago when she started to give me a handjob. I did not come! Damn, what an achievement I thought! But the thing is, I was totally drunk at that moment and I had moments where I was really close to coming… So I am not sure if anything changed at all.
Then one week later, we made out again and she gave me a blowjob. AGAIN when I was pretty drunk. And still, I did not come! Even though she was sucking like craaaaazy. But this time I had another problem. I could not stay hard for long. When she gave me a blowjob it was okay but when she put the condom on (I let her do it because I tried it the last time when I was 14) I lost my erections in seconds.
So now I am 18 years old and have extreme performance problems… When I masturbate at home, I come very quickly often in my pants. When I am drunk it seems to be okay. When I want to have sex, especially when I put the condom on, I get erectile dysfunction…