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Last night I had a wet dream in which an old female friend of mine was involved. Also in the dream I had all the girls I wanted.
Is this dream Khan unlocking something internal or is it just the manifestation of a sexual desire? I just know that after this dream, I feel this incredible, sincere and intense sexual desire that makes me want to approach all the girls, so much that I can’t concentrate on studying. -
I feel recon because again I have not taken any action towards my romantic goals. Now I feel bad, I am frustrated and desperate and I feel like a volcano that would like to erupt.
By now I realized that I could remain silent all my life and no one would come and start a conversation with me to get to know me, because I didn’t attract much attention. If I don’t start meeting girls, I’ll be alone forever. -
I felt a push to find out how to start a conversation with a stranger. My goal is to learn how to start conversations with the girls I like the most without being pushy.
Day 6 - October 20th, 2022
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I have now started reading a book on how to socialize and make a circle of friends.
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I listened to the whole Ascension Chamber track.
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I feel powerless. Today’s depression has drained all my energy.
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So today I had another outburst of depression. I do not know if it is normal to have these effects on TB, these days I have felt destroyed, many memories of past traumatic events, I have had flashbacks of events and people I did not think about anymore.
There is one thing I thought that bothers me immensely, which is not being able to get what I want. I feel limited by something inside of me, this something manifests itself as negative emotions that make me feel uncomfortable or anxious and limit my performance. So I can’t take action on what I want and what I want is that cool college girl. Holy god I don’t know why that girl drives me so crazy but I have to have her, I’ll have to meet her sooner or later, one way or another.
What I have been able to notice further is that I have many limiting beliefs, but just noticing them is not enough for me, I also want to get rid of them! How can I do?
I have low self-esteem, I don’t recognize my worth, I don’t know what my strong points are that people might like, I have difficulty in relating to others and especially with women. When I am with them I feel uncomfortable and agitated. On the bus I told myself that no one will ever love me, because I don’t feel that I have anything to give in return, I don’t feel enough, I think. I have the belief that girls ignore me and this demotivates me from hitting on them.
The truth is, I don’t think I can deserve the love of a girl, I can’t get over it. I can’t imagine a girl cradling me and she tells me I love you, I see myself as unworthy of love. I feel wrong, someone like me can’t have those things. But why do I think so? How do I get rid of all this rotten inside? I feel like I’m swimming in a swamp of poison that is hurting me with every stroke.
I have such a strong repressed desire within me that I cannot give vent to because my inner limits block me. I would like to know what the source of the problem is in order to eliminate it and be able to experience interactions with girls in a healthy way.
But I am beginning to see that a lot of things are coming up, will it be the normal process of processing and then eliminating the trauma of TB? In the last few days it seems to me that all the rottenness I had been keeping inside for years is being spit out all of a sudden. And the more I relive these traumas and toxic and negative emotions, the more I feel the desire to want to purify myself of it all. I don’t want them, I don’t need them anymore, I want everything to be eliminated.
For many things I don’t consciously know what the problem is, but what should I do? Act consciously and research the problem and try to solve it myself or will Total Breakdown do the work for me “behind the scenes” without my conscious contribution?
You will get the love which you deserve.
Think about adding lb4h to your stack at a later time for the extra push of self love
Thank you man!
I was thinking about it today, I can do Khan ST1 with LB4H for a bit instead of LD.
What is your listening schedule for the next 9 days?
How many minutes are you listening to each program?
Remember that lb4h ist still a healing title and paired with khan st1 could be a hard one but it also could give you some positivity, dont know.
Never had hard recon on my wanted/lb4h custom but i have many positivity modules fused in my 3 customs
I listen 3 minutes to each program.
My schedule is:
Day 1 : Kst1 + LD
Day 2 : rest
Day 3 : LE
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It worth a try to experiment.
Try it, wish you the best
Thank you!
- Indide of me today I repeated to myself, while I was depressed, the concept of having to show myself for who I really am inside, of being congruent, of not being afraid to show who I am.
Day 7 - October 21th, 2022
Listened to: nothing, second rest day.
- today I feel empty inside. The desire to talk to girls on the other hand is there and it is sincere, it is not driven by the desire for sex or by a simple sexual arousal, but by a sincere desire to want to savor the energy and the feminine essence. I felt shy despite having a lot of girls around and I didn’t speak to any of them. I want to experience 100% their sweet essence when I’m with them. Maybe I really feel the need to fill this void I have inside with their essence.
After the strong tumult of yesterday (it was a rest day) today I don’t think I will listen to the subs. I need a little more break.
Honestly, I am wondering whether to really replace LD with LB4H, because maybe it is helping me to remove the limits even if (for example yesterday) it is doing it sometimes in a bit aggressive way, but I don’t care. I am ready to suffer a thousand times if this leads me to greatness.
“The road to reach the gates of heaven first passes through hell.”
I will think about it anyway regarding LB4H, I could experiment and see if it gives me a softer and more loving approach. The fact is that I promised myself at the beginning of this journey with Khan + LD that I would not switch stacks until the end, as in the past I was constantly switching and now I am in the third cycle. So I’ll see if I stick to my promise or if I have to adapt to the changing situation.
In addition to the emptiness that I feel inside, it seems to me that the strong negative emotions I felt yesterday, the false beliefs and the lack of self-acceptance, have now fallen asleep, leaving me precisely this void that I feel I have to fill. I think it’s all connected to this point.
Are you open to listening by putting 2 rest days in between listening days?
Typically I take a more flexible approach where I monitor my amount of recon and decide to take one, two or more days off depending on how I feel.
I first wanted to try to substitute LB4H to LD (with at least one rest day between listening days) to experience what happens. If I notice too much recon even with this approach then I will consider the two days rest.
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More desire to socialize, more pleasure while socializing and desire to talk, and meet girls. It seems that I’m doing it and wanting it from the heart, with pure sincerity.
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Small summary: in the near past I had a hatred towards people, I wanted to distance myself from others because I saw all of them fake.
At the moment I got away from all those old people who seemed to me to be intoxicating or intoxicating my life. By spending more time in college and listening after listening to subs in the present moment, I feel a little more cured of this hatred. Now I feel a warm and sincere desire in my chest to want to communicate and socialize, especially with women. I love their femininity and the energy they give you.
Maybe this desire I feel in my chest is more of a desire for love. To love and to be loved. I feel it so deeply inside me.
I wonder if this desire is a synonym of having been cured of something. Before, it was difficult for me to want to love a woman. I had regret and distrust of them that did not allow me to see them as human beings. Much of the blame was from the redpill and who knows what other negative mental patterns.
I was thinking therefore, to listen to LB4H from the next listening as an experiment and keep it until the end of the cycle. From there I will evaluate whether to return or stay on LB4H together with K st1. I know for a fact that when I switch to K st2 I will listen to it with LD, but with K st1 it is different. I would add LB4H could be a great opportunity to enhance (and / or soften) the inner healing.
Day 9 - October 23th, 2022
Listened to: nothing, rest day.
- In the past I have defined myself by saying that I am afraid to disturb a girl by going to talk to her, that I would feel that my presence would annoy her and I do not want to disturb anyone. I was reading a sentence in an article and I noticed that it is completely suitable for this behavior:
"THE PROBLEM is NOT NOT TO KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER.
The TRUE problem is that you do NOT feel interesting enough, pleasant enough to go to her, and introduce yourself.
Most likely you will experience this mental block with a justification such as: “What right do I have, to interfere in his life”.
Almost experiencing your desire to know her, as a negative factor. As if getting to know you could be more of a nuisance than something extremely pleasant. "
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I feel sad. I haven’t been in a good mood all day. Will it be recon?
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While watching a video on tik tok, I reached an obvious and banal conclusion: rejection exists, it is inevitable. I’ve always been used to the constant PUA messages, that “you can have all the women you want”, “you will learn the techniques to seduce them all” and made it seem like you would never be rejected by anyone. Convenient for the ego, huh? But this is just a way to cover your ego’s ass and hide from your fragile self-esteem the fact that you can be rejected and hurt. But the truth is that the rejection is there, I have to deal with it. Whenever I try to approach or make a move with a girl I will face potential rejection, but that’s okay, this is reality and a man who can accept this inevitable reality is a man who has matured, grown and put the ego aside. You can’t please everyone, there aren’t those super powers that will make you immune to rejection, there will be some girls who will reject you because they don’t like you, while others will welcome you with open arms and that’s okay.
Embracing this reality makes me feel better, it is like letting go of a weight, another chain that melts. Paradoxically, perhaps, knowing this will give me more impetus to act, because before I was afraid to do it for fear of being rejected, but now that I accept that the possibility exists, then acting will be easier and more natural.
Well… lol 
Are you talking about immune to rejection as in never getting rejected?
Or immune to rejection as in never getting affected by it?
Both are very possible lol
Yes, this one. It is just a manifestation of the fear of being rejected that prompts you to find ways not to be rejected and not to face the reality of rejection.
Regarding this instead, it means to have accepted the fact that it exists I suppose, for this reason you are not influenced by it.
Day 10 - October 24th, 2022
Listened to: K st1 + LB4H
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I am afraid of disappointing others after they have started to know me or have heard me speak.
I sometimes see a couple of curious glances from some girl and I think they may have seen something in me, from my appearance, from my way of dressing, from the image I project. I am also afraid of disappointing their judgment when they hear me speak for the first time or when they begin to know me. I am afraid because I fear that perhaps knowing me they will not see all that beauty they have seen just looking at me, I am afraid of disappointing their expectations because it rarely happens that someone is interested or intrigued by me and therefore I do not want to disappoint their expectations because then it would mean that the only people who get curious in me would dissappear. -
I felt angry today.
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I don’t know if it was my impression but a girl gave me a couple of looks as we passed each other walking. The same one that is now sitting on my left, two seats away in the library lol.
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I want to deepen yesterday’s thing on rejection.
Being afraid of rejection meant that I was always looking for an infallible method or techniques to always be successful. I wanted a feeling of “control”, I wanted to feel that in my hands I had the power to control the reaction of the girls as I wanted and to make them fall in love with me, and this was all a reflection of my lack of acceptance towards rejection, of failing to accept that I am not in control, that I may not be liked by someone and I can not do anything about it. It is that fear of doubt, of not knowing whether or not a girl will like me and not being able to do much about it that made me damn pissed off, that also scared me. I wanted to be infallible to never be rejected, I wanted to convince myself that I was in control, but the more I wanted this control, the more I was afraid, and I didn’t act, because complete control in these circumstances does not exist, and by not acting I could avoid rejection and continue to support this useless illusion of being able to have infallible control of my interactions.
Now I accept the rejection I am aware that I have no control over anything but myself, I cannot force others to love me and I cannot control or manipulate their judgment of me. Now I accept that I can be rejected, I don’t feel I have to control anything. I only show myself for who I am and I don’t need to use any tactics to convince anyone that I am pleasant. Some will like me and will want to be with me, others will not like me and will reject me. Okay so, I accept it. I no longer feel the need to convince anyone to love me, whoever wants me will make me understand it and I will reward him with my time and my energy. Anyone who doesn’t want me I will ignore it because it’s a waste of time trying to convince someone who doesn’t want you.
I accept rejection, I accept those who do not want me, I accept not being able to have control over social interactions and the impression I make on the girls I like. I just have to be myself and congruent with whom I interact and accept the result I will get with them. And in the case of a rejection of some girl, there will be a thousand other girls that I can meet and with whom I can build something. -
Another thing I was thinking about is that I don’t need any PUA tactics or anything like that to seduce a woman. Seduction should be a natural thing that comes from the closeness of a man and a woman, it is a natural thing and does not need “tactics”.
I still have this curiosity to know what attracts a woman to a man, because if it was just a matter of going to her and talking, then we’d all getting laid, wouldn’t we? So there is something more something that you show or demonstrate (I speak on a subconscious and automatic level) that makes her start to take an interest in you. But what is that thing? What is that “thing” that ignites a spark in a woman’s mind that makes her say “now yeah, I am interested in this guy”? Thinking about it I concluded that it could simply be “the way you make her feel” by making her laugh, showing her that you are a man with balls and showing your dominance, or indirectly letting something show about you that teases her. But again I wonder: what is it that she notice that would intrigue her so much? They say it is self-confidence that women like but maybe it is better if I allow Khan to do the job of giving me these characteristics that should create attraction and that should come from within me.
For now I can only talk to the girls and let my personality shine through, subconsciously guided by my stack to manifest what it should take to attract a woman. And as I said before, I don’t really care if someone will reject me now, what I really have is a desire and a curiosity to meet girls and to learn the feminine nature.
The questions and curiosities are many, the answers not so much, but now I can only go ahead and try, and take action.
Day 11 - October 25th, 2022
Listened to: rest day
- When I think back to the past years I realize that there has not been a balance in my various areas of life and because of this imbalance I have not had the motivation to carry everything forward. It was all connected, I was left behind in college because I didn’t have girls (sound stupid but it the reality) and so I lost many years and I was left behind, but I didn’t have girls because I wasn’t confident enough to have them and so I was left alone, sad, depressed. It created demotivation and this demotivation did not make me study, and so I failed in the exams and I was increasingly behind. It was all cyclical and connected. I tried to compensate for my university failures by looking for women but never finding them, but I never found them and so I ended up in a spiral of failure and despair that drove me lower and lower.
Only in the last couple of years I made the commitment to work harder at university and I have begun to see results, with the help of subs and discipline now I have little left to finish. But I wonder, if I had a life fuller of women, more complete, if I was fuller, would I still be here studying or would I have finished already? Would I have worked harder thanks to a healthy motivation that came from feeling satisfied with my life? I believe that I would be ahead of now. Now I am still not satisfied with what I have, I still miss women, but slowly I am working on it and I am taking a path of treatment from years of negative programming and false beliefs.
The bottom line of all of this is that if your life is incomplete and you feel that some realms are much lower than other realms, it’s possible that they influence each other by breaking your life into pieces.
For me it was women which is the problem of so many other men. It didn’t make me feel complete and decreased my performance in other contexts of my life due to the demotivation and sadness I felt in being alone and seeing others succeed where I couldn’t. It destroyed me and brought my life into misery to collapse with me.