Ever changing, ever shifting exploration

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#441

Side note, figured out the most optimal way to listen to subs for me. I just play the title, relax, listen to my body and when it signals enough I note the time and keep track of it in my mood journal.

Some days I can listen more, some days I can listen less. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to keep moving up or not slide back lower that I really did not need. It’s taken me a bit not to keep screwing this up and pushing myself beyond my means but I’m getting better. Originally I was trying to increment by 30s and I realized sometimes 30s is juuuuust enough to bring on additional overprocessing that screws me the next day. So keeping track of time is good to understand progress, but progressing by strict set values is not the way for me.

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#443

Yes. I agree with @TheRock .

This sounds very, very smart.

Like someone who is paying attention and catching on.

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#444

I just realized I can apply this to anything.

The neurofeedback I’m doing is really making me realize the why of everything holds no importance in my life anymore. The why is the response to being locked into a certain mental state and being held hostage as a witness. Of course when I’m subjected to a pattern over and over I think the appropriate response is to dissect it as a problem and solve it. But it’s not. The answer is just, change the pattern. That’s it.

The training we’re doing and how it works. My brainwaves are analyzed in real time while we talk about certain subjects and things, then a counterimpulse is created that essentially balances that overactive brainwave. The brain learns how to not get locked into that pattern and from there new pathways can form with positive habits and tools. Developmentally my brain has been stuck in an outdated pattern. It’s like a buggy OS for a computer and everything that executes within it isn’t too great. Neurofeedback is like upgrading the OS so I can execute my own tasks better.

This is exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out with me and subs for a good few years now. I get benefits sure, but fundamentally there’s something flawed within me that prevented full execution. Truly beyond the simple fear of failure or anxieties most people experience.

So many layers to what I deal with though. I’m mapping them out to truly understand what’s interfering with my happiness in life.

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#445

What equipment and software are they using?

#446

I’m not really sure what the name of it is. But it’s the the technology Stephen Larson uses and endorses, LENS neurofeedback. LENS is different because it analyzes the brainwaves and offsets it. Traditional neurofeedback works through prompts and either visuals, sounds, or other reward based mechanisms. I honestly didn’t even know something like LENS existed but it’s amazing technology to me.

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#447

Thinking about maybe switching to my previous very focused HoT custom. I sent in a ticket to support asking which would be better. I seem to be on the lower end of microloops and I don’t want to mistakenly only be listening to modules/result enhancers only. I know the full script for a custom is 5 minutes and I’m pretty far away from that at the moment. This one might be easier to get more of the script.

Symmetry: Helen of Troy Core
New Physical Shifting Experience Core
Synergy: Carpe Vitam
Synergy: Harmonic Conflux
Synergy: Subconscious Mastery
Safety Net
Untouchable
New Dawn
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
Homeostasis
Unlimiter
Mosaic

#448

Some refer to this as the Postmodern approach.

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#449

My character development path is starting to show for me. Instead of building up myself to be strong and independent, I have to learn to rely on others more. To accept help, to be vulnerable enough to trust someone would help me.

Life is not a competition. It’s not about how well I can survive on my own. It’s not a me vs the terrible people of the world. I hurt myself by framing everything in my life as survival. Even now with my job search I’m thinking of how to protect myself vs finding a company that actually cares about my professional growth and shows emotional maturity.

I think I’ve taken on this perspective because my boundaries are weak. Being more open can lead to people taking advantage of me and instead of strengthening those I just went full isolationist.

#450

Your thoughts?

#451

I’m a hot mess

But being more serious. I don’t know what title would be good for that. Open to suggestions. Not looking to build any customs at the moment since I don’t have money to spare.

Maybe commit to one healing title and sanguine for a month then swap out to building titles? My main problem is, I really don’t like long term healing and healing being the only focus. I feel like I’m losing out on improving my life in the ways I want.

#452

How is it working?

In terms of titles for healing, what all have you used, and what were the results?

I still think RoM is worth it, as well.

I sympathize.

#453

For sanguine, I’m still not sure if it’s the best title for me. I get recon from it, like a surprising amount. It’s helped me stabilize a bit since my panic attack a few weeks ago. But I do find it difficult to run.

For healing titles

Phoenix- I ran this at the beginning of my journal. It really helped me move towards my most authentic self. It also got really difficult at times. I would consider running this again. Just maybe not now. I see this as a deep growth title when I’m more stable and want to take things further. Right now is not a great time.

Regeneration- I haven’t run this one in forever. But I ran it a few years back. I remember a lot of emotional upset coming up and feeling vulnerable but also not building positivity. Just a loop of criticisms over my difficulties

DR- Only ever made it past stage 1 and I had to quit because it was destabilizing my life

Sanguine Elixir - I think I ran this very briefly. I honestly can’t remember if I benefited much.

Love bomb - Exceptionally hard title for me to run. I just have tried and failed to run this numerous times.

DRLD - I ran this I think a year or two ago. I found myself breaking away from toxic relationships and enforcing more boundaries.

I still think RoM is worth it, as well.

I worry about RoM. With its focus in the realm of deep thought I have concerns that it will take me further away from allowing feelings and processing them. My main avoidance mechanism is intellectualization and I worry RoM will kick that into overdrive.

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#454

Although you might be onto something with RoM. But I think I’ll go back to my previous custom I created before. I ran my journal through AI and here’s what it had to say.

  • Lack of cohesion: Unlike the first custom’s tight focus on physical shifting and self-alignment, the second attempts to address disparate goals (appearance, career stability, trauma release) without a unifying thread

And it’s true. It did the job navigating my job situation but I think I should put it on the shelf for now

Subconscious mastery was in my previous custom which did some things that were close to what I’d want out of RoM so I think I’ll work with that for a bit.

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#455

A lesson I am learning again. Know what modules effect me and how before I go throwing them in a custom. After thinking it over I’ve come to the conclusion that

Fenrir
Manipulus
Fearsome
Codename Umbra

Are not good for my mind. I’m trying to get away from fight or flight and confrontation, preparing for the worst, etc. These modules serve as a trigger to reactivate patterns of thought that contribute to distress in me. They absolutely saved my butt during my recent work scenario nonsense. But now it’s time to build something happier, fulfilling, and safe.

Going back to this

Symmetry: Helen of Troy Core
New Physical Shifting Experience Core
Synergy: Carpe Vitam
Synergy: Harmonic Conflux
Synergy: Subconscious Mastery
Safety Net
Untouchable
New Dawn
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
Homeostasis
Unlimiter
Mosaic

The focus is on moving forward, finding happiness, and bringing my attention to what I want and not what I want to avoid or prepare for. I read over some previous journal entries and the time I was running this I saw the most improvement in how I felt about myself and the changes that were helping me feel better in my body and improve my life.

I think the desire to be ready for anything in order to feel safer is backwards. It made sense in my mind because that is what my mind is used to. But maybe just feeling safe all the time as much as possible is better and when things come about I’m ready to handle them because I have security in myself, not because I’m ready to take on a threat.

Always my issue with customs. Sometimes I think I know what’s best, but it comes from the exact mentality I’m trying to distance myself from.

#456

What about the following:

#457

No more customs for the time being until I have some money. But I feel like these modules are covered in Sanguine and putting them in the custom is redundant.

#458

What thoughts do you have about Limitless and QL?

#459

I have a lot of difficult beliefs around my intelligence/capabilities. I don’t think those would be stackable with anything else right now and would detract from my goals.

Idk anymore.

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#460

There’s a thing that happens sometimes when others see mistreatment of others. The attention goes to the individual. Why didn’t they assert boundaries? Why did they stay? Why didn’t they see it coming? Why weren’t they more confident? And like magic the person being terrible is let off the hook. Being made to feel it’s your fault when someone treats you poorly is messed up. If you’re targeted you deserve it because you chose to be a victim and were weak.

In a nutshell that’s how I’ve structured my life, protecting myself. And maybe I don’t need strengthening. I just need positive experiences to reorient what I allow into my life on a subconscious level. But also in a way that could be strengthening. Strength through support and feeling safer. People and situations that make me understand that I don’t have to structure my life around prevention and I can just enjoy life.

It’s just hard. I stuffed my custom with all these modules that in theory should have helped me resolve issues. But it strengthens my survivor based focus which contributed to more anxiety. But I see now that’s just not the right approach for me. Gearing up to go to war for a battle that might not even happen. That energy could have gone into building a life of happiness.

#461

Reflecting on all this more.

Custom unfocused? Yes

Intent wrong ? No.

Subconscious Mastery is making me realize why Sanguine is so difficult to run. To be calm and aligned in the face of fear goes against how I’ve dealt with fear. I want to do something on the outside to remedy the inside. I almost switched to Aegis Survival Instinct today because I’m afraid of my future in this country and I thought building survival skills would help. But that’s only going to ramp me up more. True calm, true relaxation, I find it a scary thing. But that’s where good decisions come from, that’s where alignment comes from, that’s how I can live a more fulfilling life.

This takes effort. Rewiring how I approach everything in my life. It would be a lot easier though if the current events weren’t unfolding here in this country. Even then I understand those are outside events and I have the power to respond to them or not. I understand that. Can I execute it that well? Not really, as evidence of realizing part of my consciousness is held hostage right now and I’m trying to reclaim it. But the circumstances surrounding the fear don’t matter, my fear is my responsibility, others don’t create that within me, I do.