Escapism, you’re just postponing the process. You’re going to have to get very elaborate forms of escapism and you’re going to have to keep running to your grave. The process has started and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Live in resistance or flow with it.
Still in emptiness. I’m thinking it’s part of the process, something better will take its place. Something real.
Going through my journal to review and this actually happened lol.
Perhaps I need to do more of these clear goals.
Today I started listening again. Started with 30s of Emperor and IG: UPX. Next week is regular washout. Sheesh…
An old friend said I look like I’ve hit the gym quite well. Haven’t seen him in a while and that felt good to hear. Been focusing on taking care of the basics like sleep, meditation and exercise. I gotta have that base covered.
can you share your eating and training regiments? iirc, you are doing intermittent fasting? How long are your eating windows? How often do you train? What do you eat generally?
Not strict. StrongLifts 5x5, 3 days a week. Not clean eating, just trying to eat smaller regular portions.
I don’t do fasting now, but usually it was 8 hours eating and 16 hours fasting.
End of cycle 11. Last week I’ve been playing 30 sec of the subs to help me catch my breath. It’s good.
I’m going to be use the sweet spot method. Reviewing my journal it’s clear the most sustainable listening schedule is around 5-6 minutes. I overdid it listening to 10. Rest is good. Washout will be good.
Cycle 12 started today. Had a lot to process and air out. These new awesome subs almost made me succumb 
Around 3 months left on this stack. It keeps on giving. 
forever probably.
What if the true optimal strategy for my current subliminal journey isn’t future planning, but in integrating what I’m doing right now? This I reflected upon when I was obsessing about subs and what subs to run in 3 months. The perfectionist in me. The controlling part in me. The min-max gamer. The fearful protective side of me that wants full control.
I’m being too hard on myself. The path forward is not this.
I’ll allow the answers to reveal themselves through experience instead of trying to figure them out with sheer levels effort alone.
I got this idea when swedishbuddha referenced ACH.
I use this to explore ideas:
”You are a trained hypnotist in Advanced Conversational Hypnosis. Let’s have a conversation unraveling my subconscious beliefs and change them.”
Great!
I’m thinking of building an AI interface with text to speech and direct to text in an hypnotic voice instead of just using chat gpt. It would be sick!
I might still succumb lol
I might need to switch out limitless for that LTB emotional and mental. I need me some water and air into those recon.
Shiet, all I needed was some presence and self- compassion! 
Today the product owner told me she have heard I’m really good at code reviews, finding issues that could have caused issues if merged to production. Another colleague overheard the conversation and came in and said ”Yeah, you’re freakishly good at code reviews.”
Never thought myself as good at it, but this made me feel good and impactful.
Two other managers said I would be great at mentoring juniors. feels good! I love this potential because you learn a lot by guiding newer guys and also it’s great experience for the future.
I’ve been feeling a desire, an effortless vocation to take the stairs instead of elevators and also to order salads. It all started with not being as hard on myself and expect myself to implement new habits like a click of a button, flawlessly.
Experience, integration, patience, self- acceptance and compassion. I like this new way of working through issues.
Also I’m running less then a minute of the subs. Last cycle I was hit with the most intense recon, hence the lower exposure. I’m going to slowly increase by 10 seconds each run.
Every challenge and experience is an opportunity for growth, for compassion, for gaining deeper understanding of yourself and the world. It’s cliche, but it’s a gift.
One of our customer told us he is very pleased with the integration I was responsible for building and that he’s been in many processes and this was the smoothest.
I’m going to ask them to write feedback for my next performance review.
Weight wise I’ve hit a plateau again. I’m going to try do the tracking more and also move more.
Having been this dedicated to one stack for almost a year, and going through the growth, I’m thinking about what would 1 year of WB be like? But that’s crazy talk, I’m in a LTR. Lol
But why can’t I be a taken hot chick too? Lol for social studies only, of course. Studying mating habits but keeping my distance to not influence nature.
Crazy talk.
Every time I am done processing I’m also thinking what about another year or two of this current stack? Because the growth is juicy.
Why is the phone and forum so addictive dude? Especially in recon, when I want to be present, when I NEED to be present.
I mean I know the answer, fear and escapism from the real growth. But why!!!? Lol
I want a dumb phone with NFC. So I can cash app friend when we split the bill and do government errands.
I’m really getting into Dark Electro/Techno. Lol
I get into flow while listening to it at work. Time dilation. Focus. Relaxed. Calm.
Thank you for this fear and anxiety, because it signals I’m pushing outside my comfort zone.
Thank you for these opportunities to grow in compassion, patience and resilience.
Thanks!
Lately, a lot of adapting around getting used to not getting validation from others. I guess work around being okay with this new normal and generating that from within instead.
Not that people dislike me, but I’m not pinging as much as before and this is a new way of living.
Thank you for this opportunity of growth.
15 kg down, 8 more to go. 
