day 58:
I feel like im making progress in my life. I feel good where im at and I know its just gonna get better.
Great journal (and progress) Rhinesuchus. I enjoy your succinct writing style. Iâve had similar themed dreams (computers, underground lairs) also on StarkQ and a new attraction towards books.
How many loops do you listen to?
day 61:
dreams have felt good lately, pleasant feelings after waking. Also it feels like the real effects happen during off days mainly after dreamy nights.
my stack has been;
stark q x2 and rebirth standard x1 for 3 days on, 5 days off.
this week ill add sanguine q x1 to the stack.
day 62:
Alright todays the day I finally step into the arena. Iâm getting signed up to the brokerage now and getting an in depth training with my friend that got me the opportunity. Really excited because now I know I can start taking action, and really give Stark a chance to shine and propel me further.
day 67:
Been feeling tired and fatigued the last few days because of poor sleep. I understand now how important good sleep is for sub results because that feels like the time my mind sorts things around and changes with the new info. Ive been feeling low energy, meek and sort of submissive with a week voice, it takes more energy to be confident thats for sure. Ive been in a mental state that ive habitually been in more often than not since maybe elementary when I originally started feeling resigned about life. It didnât get bad until maybe seventh grade. Resigned, and sort of sinical. low energy and low expectations. Just sort of calm and analytical with low motivation because Ive seen what its like out there; how competitive and cut throat they are about games or money, how impossible the standards are of girls in my age group, playing the game is just beneath me, its no use. blah blah blah my excuses and stories im a victim.
-
Whats the egoic payoff of these excuses, stories, and self image that makes them worth keeping?
A feeling of âim rightâ or âim justified in my stanceâ, a subtle feeling of superiority perhaps: âplaying the game is beneath meâ, ill just go wander around on my own. This is exactly how I acted as a kid in elementary by the way with sports, âthe other kids are just soo competetive its not even fun, or its not worth tryingâ, so i resigned myself. Cinisism set in, my conclusion: im not good enough, who said that? I did. -
The cost: loneliness, despair, no friends, no interacting with girls except for forced pairings for activities, no social practice, few positive emotional interactions, no one giving me the time of day except close family, seething anger, rejection, resignation, video games, porn.
Well im here to say the payoff is no longer worth the cost, its a bad deal, and I want out.
Sorry for the long post, this is a big one for me.
Im creating the possibility of playing full out! In the game of making money, I dont have to have a physically impressive physique or good looks to win. Here all that matters is mindset, attitude, and sociability, and ive got some great tools at my disposal.
Im creating the possibility of being energetically enthused about what I do!
I commit to being a successful real estate agent!
day 73:
gettin up there im over 3 months now.
great manifestation progress, my wealth generation plan is taking shape.
people are on my side; I have a willing mentor for real estate and an accommodating brokerage manager.
Ive added ascended mogul q to my stack of stark;
stark x1
AM x1
soo far it seems my body doesent like to go over 2 loops of q subs, which is fine because thatâs equivalent to about 12 loops of standard so plenty.
I dont know how some of you guys on here are stacking multiple subs on terminus with no unwanted effects.
day 77:
it seams im on a roll relative to the average week of my life. Ive started working with a brokerage in town studying contracts and getting all the accounts set up, aswell as operating the front loader for the driveway job.
Very good increase in my âgameâ talking to ladies online due to a more nonchalant attitude and lack of neediness, aswell as better pics.
Last cycle of sub use i was running:
stark x1
AMq x1
3 days on 5 off
not sure if i should try and add another loop of stark or just have stark x2 + AM standard strength.
5days off âŠshould it make a big difference?
it did for me compared to my last routine of just weekends off. Like saint said off days are just as important and it seems like thats really when the content gets incorporated into your everyday life.
day 82:
My money plan is progressing nicely.
Im getting lots of leads and an opportunity and some really supportive guys in the biz helping me start. just a slow and steady, persistant ride to my goals. like a train climbing a hill.
I feel like my visualizing habit really manifests things for me, like my dad calling me with a friend that wanted a report on his property.
Girls and women pretty much react to me as a beta male. having barely any social practice partly because of current events has sort of atrophied those skills of socializing for an end of favorable reactions in others.
This has actually been limiting me socially. I made the misconception that I need to act differently than muself to get favorable results/reactions from others. This leads to the feeling of
âim not good enoughâ, and uncomfortable social nervousness.
Im creating the possibility of accepting myself as I am.
its ok that I have thoughts of im not good enough, or its personal. I can accept those thoughts as they are, as the collective human condition, and act despite them. Their not âmyâ thoughts, and im not my mind.
It just helps me to post my insights here
day 88:
im bumping up the loops to 3 per day, for 3 days, and 5 days off like usual.
Circumstancial manifestations seam to be happening, my real estate agent gig is off to a good start.
Dreams: most of the time my dreams are not clear enough to make out or remember, but I know something is happening in the dream realm because theirs feelings being felt about something. last night the dream was clear; my house had a small porch with steps going up both sides, it was night, I was outside and I needed to get in before some hostile characters got to me.
The confident alpha maleish vocal tonality I had a few weeks ago is pretty much gone now. But I accept my voice however it is and take the right actions despite it.
I think it has to do with confidence which is backed by competence in whatever your doing, I just started doing real estate agency work so its ok if i dont seam confident now, im doing lots of new things.
I like to think of myself as a kind of detached and curious explorer of life, without any preconceived notions of what I can or cannot do.
Thats all for now
day 89:
I feel like im coming face to face with an emotional trauma that was created some time as a kid. Maybe its social anxiety, fear of criticism, inferiority complex? Its never felt soo real, and ive never been so aware of it until now. I thought my eyes were just sensitive to light and thats why they get real sore at the end of the day.
today I realized that soreness and fatigue around my eyes and forehead is caused by stress when im around people. Its like when I know theres people around me I automatically think the worst; their looking at me and judging me, its personal, my âselfâ, ego, the little me, my self image is in critical danger. My face tenses up, my jaw is tight, my mouth contorts and moves in uncomfortable ways. What is it shame? feeling of inferiority, im only worth what people think of me?
If anyone can relate feel free to share, its a universal human condition after all.
Im glad this is happening because I want more than anything to be free of it, to be the guy that can just go about his business around people no differently than if their was no one else there.
I accept it as it is.
Im creating the possibility of being present and living in the moment around others.
Can definitely relate. Worked on this for years. Have made some progress. Would like to make more.
Not trying to get rid of it because I donât think itâs all negative. At the root of this âsocial concernâ is a sense of connection to other people. I think that can be good. Am just trying to get it managed, so it doesnât undercut joy, creativity, and effectiveness.
@hermit would tell you that since July 4, weâre all detoxifying ourselves in preparation for the new Earth frequencies. Iâll let him elaborate.
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I was having some fun building my future custom, even though I know stark still has lots of work to do still. so im just gonna roll with stark for a while longer. The purposes are so nuanced that ill probably just change out different modules over time to match what I really need psychologically and goal wise, and to best utilize the module capacity.
I would add male enhancement if it werenât for the current lack of feedback from other users, Iâm a bit sketched honestly about that one.
Whats funny is i think ive manifested better financial situations for others around me aswell as myself so far, mainly mom and dad