Day 6
Working on actually being what my actualized self would do and then just go do that. But I have to keep reminding myself that.
Doing a lot of meditations lately. Learning some things about myself. I have become aware there’s a huge black wound in my soul that is working its way to get healed. EoG1 seems to really be working at it.
Day 6
Had a good day with the family. Noticed my confidence rising higher with AM. I felt EoG1 working a lot of healing work. Quite a burning sensation in the heart area.
Day 7
2nd rest day
Good mothers day with the mother in law. Was pretty tired most of the day. Can’t really come up with much insight. Just gotta keep pushing through the reconciliation process.
Day 8
The micromanaging from work got on my nerves and I really have to face I am not going anywhere if I kept letting a thousand excuses stop me from going after my goals. I listened to a work ethic hypnosis and it snapped me pretty good into action.
It wasn’t on my business but I replaced some broken door handles in the house even though I didn’t feeling it. This gave me a huge sense of accomplishment and a good feeling. Doing something I don’t feel like doing I feel is a good step in the right direction after I took a nose dive from harsh reconciliation most likely from EoG as I see on other people’s journals.
Day 9.
Created a new cocktail and it failed so back to the drawing board. I’m thinking of dumping Stark but I think that is just reconciliation. It all depends on what this next sub is going to be. I am looking for a sub that helps me identify my passion and then delivering ridiculous motivation and action to bring it to fruition. Basically a pathway subliminal. Might combine RICH with AM to create a custom. I might throw in Stark to open a slot since currently I’m running 3 subs with two boosters that alternate each listening day.
what has you considering dropping Stark?
I relate a lot to this… for me I always feel purpose when I get to be the person I want to be the most, when I create something that wanted expression, or I do things in conversations or demonstrations for other people that no one else was able to do.
Purpose to me is all about the unique quality only you can bring to an endevour or another. Inside of that you can have as many missions, passions, or interests that you can handle.
As for this, when I’ve done similar in my life it was like an ceiling issue, like I wouldn’t let myself get to the next level, for me it was I was afraid if it failed it would mean I could never have what I wanted, and if I did succeed I would be stuck with more obligations/work and my life would spin out of control
Not really sure why I want to drop Stark other than I focus more on enjoyment out of life more than progress. Although now that I say that, that sounds pretty dumb. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Work is getting more annoying to me but I am having more fun outside of work. Its a double edged sword. I should just trust the process.
The above post makes me think I have a real fear of success and failure at the same time. Its like my mind is working its hardest to be mediocre despite having deep fire within me to not be medicore.
Day 10.
HR at work added more bullshit = more mounting motivation to get the hell out. Did yard work mostly afterwork so no time for business (probably fear winning).
I designed a custom but some questions need to be answered on Wanted before I make a decision one way or another on my stack. I really don’t want to give up Stark. It has made me enjoy life so much more. Pretty funny considering yesterday I wanted to dump it.