Dragon Reborn Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#81

Every situation we find oureselves in is “purposedly created” to make us grow (expecially relationship), we can often notice different events in the content but with an identical underlying dynamic.

It can also be thought of as an energetic rebalancing within a system (reality).
Suppressing or rejecting certain emotions and latching on or trying to hold onto others creates imbalances, an increase in tension (like pulling a rubber band).
The system will try in one way or another to rebalance everything.

Of course the two above are models (maps), not reality itself

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#82

Day 10 ~ rest day

I’m going to take the next two days off from my subs to process and release…

Definitely feeling a lot of emotions being brought to the surface to release…

No need to overload my mind at this time…

Had some intense dreams bringing a lot to my attention to release from my subconscious…

I am happy to notice what needs discarding… what’s been taking up space for me… getting in the way of successful manifestations of what I actually want!

I can no longer hide from the truth…

Bottling or shoving stuff down just causes tension and resistance is futile!

Acknowledging and releasing is the key for me right now…

Sitting on the toilet having a big cry while listening to The Grudge by Tool…

My ex just picked up my daughter…

I still dance around the idea of reconciliation but he’s said it many times he doesn’t want me yet I don’t believe it… why hasn’t he moved on to a new girl after almost 2 years then? Why does he not want to hear about the idea of me moving on?

I have been talking to someone for 3 weeks now and he shows me almost everything I want in a person, yet here I am sabotaging it possibly over my ex and the things I am healing during this subliminal journey…

I am very open and honest… he’s very patient and compassionate… but what the heck am I doing!

Wait around for the possibility of reconciliation or move forward with someone who wants the same thing I want… :thinking:

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#83

Which sub?!

#84

Based on my list, I would guess “Paragon Sleep” :slight_smile:

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#85

Day 11 ~ Rest Day #2

Yesterday was so strange. I was out for dinner with the guy I’m seeing…

Recon hit me suddenly as I was reading something one of my mentors said. I did a total 180. Complete shift in consciousness… and he sensed it… I was in the state of second guessing myself… questioning all my decisions… remembering all the times I would make a decision then change my mind… “fickle”

I don’t want to be fickle. I don’t want to be indecisive or second guess everything… it’s like a split energy of some sort…

We went to the car and I asked for quiet. I wanted to process what I was experiencing, knowing I may get snappy if I have to speak. He wouldn’t stop asking me questions, which in turn led to me being snappy like I had imagined I’d be. He said something that reminded me of my ex fiancé. I was very triggered. Basically it was that he looks for signs that I’m mentally ill and I also thought the same of him on a deep sub c level. (Based off judgments from our previous relationship.) Dark night of the soul spiritual awakening stuff… he told me stop talking after I snapped at him for not respecting me needing some silence to process my recon.

Im getting sick of explaining myself regarding recon and how intense Dragon Reborn is…

Maybe it’s better to be alone with my recon… or maybe the right partner will be patient and understanding of this journey back to my true divine self… or maybe I need to stop analyzing this!

He’s also probably experiencing recon… he’s listened to the same stack for 2 weeks now…

We got back to my house, he was in a state of taking things very personally, very dramatic and went somewhere in my yard to be alone. I sat on my toilet and cried. Revised my day, revised my reactions to the external world. Brought it back to myself.

I was able to shift fairly quickly from the recon. I remember when I’d stay stuck in crap states for weeks or months… now it’s minutes or hours… woohoo!

I went outside to start a fire. Making the experience about me and not to please him. I was a people pleaser who cared so much what others thought growing up. I lost my own true identity because of this… not anymore!

The fire was so big and hot. It was so healing for me. He came to join me but continued going on and on about the restaurant experience. Trying to force me to talk, force me to say sorry. I was very still not engaging with the darkness. I show through my actions more than my words when I’m genuinely apologetic. I believe someone means their ”sorry” when the behaviour changes… and isn’t constantly repeated over and over.

At one point he was saying I was acting narcissistic and gas lighting him. I’ve always been a very empathic person who draws in energy vampires. I draw in men with mother or father wounds that need healing. This is where my masculine side became dominate. Where it was hard to embrace the feminine side of me. I have been learning to embrace the feminine goddess within me for the past 2 years.

I don’t want to entertain that stuff anymore but it obviously has been presented to me for healing.

I found myself laughing at this point. I couldn’t even control it. He was laughing too.

It was the strangest experience I’ve ever had in my life. Normally someone would say eff you and leave. We found ourselves becoming more loving and went inside to cuddle and fell asleep peacefully.

I woke up briefly to pee and decided to put on a mental clarity sound bowl music recording through my headphones. I fell back asleep and experienced a very vivid dream with lots of recall.

As I am writing this a cat just popped up. Been noticing more cats hanging around my yard lately since LBFH!

Anyways,

Last night this guy kept saying stuff about me needing time still to get over my ex fiancé.

My dream was as follows:

I was living at the new guys house, but it also reminded me of my dads house too. There was a lot of clutter and mess. I’m a very tidy and clean person. My ex fiancé showed up and began to clean up my house. I really enjoyed this. I was trying to hide the new guy. I noticed an electric drum kit, thinking that my ex returned the drums he took when we broke up. I noticed there wasn’t a double bass pedal so concluded it wasn’t my kit. He put hair extensions in my hair. Then I went and had sex with the new guy. The new guy came out holding the used condom in his hand in front of my ex fiancé.

I woke up shortly after this.

I find myself being very defensive and argumentative with the new guy. I also have this wonder of the ex and I… if we could reconcile and have the family I always wanted or to let that go…

Ride the dragon through to the end and see where it takes me… :dragon:

This guy may or may not be the one but I don’t need to sabotage this experience over what if’s or what could be….

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#86

If you’re still this early into the relationship and he refuses to give you quiet when you ask for it, what do you expect the relationship will be like as you get deeper into it?

Set him straight ASAP as to what you expect/boundaries. You don’t need to second-guess yourself or sabotage stuff. But you also don’t need to keep explaining yourself either.

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#87

I set him straight. :smirk:

Today was definitely a highly productive rest day for me!

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#88

Day 13 ~ Rest

So much coming to the surface for me!!!

It’s so wild lol

Definitely not an easy subliminal stack but worth it. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Embrace the darkness for it has its purpose.

I was afraid of the dark… I acted like I did all the “shadow work” already and didn’t need anymore focus or attention put on it…

It’ll keep coming up until you acknowledge it and truly release it.

I am starting to understand why the completion of this powerful sub likely makes it easier to use other subs on here afterwards.

I’m embracing the beauty in the breakdown…

Grateful for others mirroring what still needs healing inside of me… but showing me in a loving way…

I wanted to hide under the identity of gross and ugly but quickly shifted to embracing the woman who cares for and enjoys all of herself… I enjoyed a shower and washed my hair… I made it a loving experience… something that wasn’t always easy or natural for me…

I was always so hard on myself, with focus more on the things I hated and wished were different about myself. Comparing to others beauty and being envious of it.

That’s not how I want to experience life anymore.

I let my hair blow in the wind with my windows down in the jeep on my drive just now. So freeing.

Everything’s gonna be alright :heart::fire:

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#90
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#91
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#92

Early wash out complete from my 2nd cycle of DR1 + LBFH

So much shit has come to the surface for me to clean up!

I battled myself in so many ways…

I made my life a battlefield instead of a dance floor or court to play on…

It doesn’t have to be this way!

Lots of crying going on for me.

It feels liberating though.

I’ve found myself being kinder to me, loving me more, caring less what others think, not holding back my inner truth even if others don’t agree with me…

Singing more, exploring music more.

The inner artist is emerging beautifully!

I want to try explaining something that’s been happening over the past 2 sub cycles…

I’ve noticed role reversal.

At times, the guy I’m seeing reminds me of how I acted in my previous relationship and I am acting like my ex acted.

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#93

I, too, am going through this exact same process as well. It’s really cool when you see parallels with others running the same subs.

Crying, in society’s eyes, is a bad thing. Actually, I think it’s really good, because it’s a release of emotions, and the best thing to do is to let them flow, because as release happens, growth also is happening (IMO).

I think this means you are maturing; you’re able to see life from another perspective, and that is like seeing life for the first time, as you’re basically looking at the same things through another pair of glasses, so to speak.

Maybe if you can begin to see life as your ex saw it, you can begin to relate to your ex in a new way and begin to heal whatever caused you friction in the first place. I don’t know if you desire to get back with your ex or not, but if so, maybe this is the beginning of that process. If you don’t want to get back with your ex, maybe it can bring you closure to understand him from a different POV, and add that to your repertoire to understand others in a more complete manner in the future.

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#94

This makes sense.

I am realizing that I am beginning to see life as he saw it. I am definitely relating to him in a new way. The friction is healing for sure.

I tried to reconcile since leaving him at the end of 2020. He doesn’t have any interest in working things out. When I asked him if he would be happy if I fully moved on, he said to me “I don’t give a fuck.”

I’ll take it as I am just understanding others in a more complete manner, including with the guy I am presently dating. The new guy knows all about my past experiences and seems more compassionate and understanding. It’s quite liberating how I can speak so freely with him but also noticing where I wasn’t always this way on the giving end. I’d expect them to be okay with what I am doing or sharing but then I’d reject theirs.

Here’s to noticing and growing!

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#95

I see photos/memories of my ex and I cry. I don’t want to delete them either. We were building something beautiful but the shadow side created many breakdowns. I never wanted to stop trying though.

Why after almost 2 years does this still happen to me? He pops up in my dreams constantly and vividly.

I was engaged once before him.

We were together 4 years, had a daughter together and broke up traumatically. I moved on emotionally very quickly and didn’t try to reconcile.

With this relationship, we were together 4 years, had a daughter together and broke up traumatically. I never moved on. I ended it as I became more and more aware of my “shadow” side. I blew up everything in my life. It was a total collapse of everything, which left me wide open and completely vulnerable. Exposed. I put it all out in front of me. I was done lying, don’t hiding, done denying.

He says he would never trust me again. I’m not the same person I was then though. I wouldn’t be able to trust who we WERE either.

I manifested someone but I have constant reminders of my ex.

I feel it deep inside of me. :pleading_face:

I say I’m over it but then something else pops up.

Probably why DR1 and LBFH combined was so intense.

I’m really trying to enjoy this present experience but it’s looming all around me.

I’m crying right now as I write this journal entry.

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#96

I haven’t started a new stack yet, but will likely create a new journal once I begin!

I decided to give Paragon a listen early this morning and then again 6 hours later.

I had a fall yesterday doing a couples yoga pose. Doesn’t feel like anything major or anything, but I feel sore and uncomfy from it.

Intuitively was guided to paragon. Been a couple months since I’ve gave it a listen.

I’m going to listen to 15 minute loops 2-3x every other day until I feel better. I don’t think I’ll add in any other subs at this present time.

I’m going to see my chiropractor today.

Grateful for this subliminal and community!

:heart::pray:

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#97

Here I am 11 days since listening to DR1 with LBFH.

I have been listening to Paragon since Tuesday.

I listened to paragon 3x on Tuesday.

Ever since, I’ve been feeling an interest in DR2 stacked with LBFH and Paragon. Or Paragon and LBFH. This would likely bring a lot of recon for me.

I’m returning to my school job on September 1st. I keep having thoughts of quitting and really getting into gear with my business aspirations. Fear looms over me though.

This last wash out has really brought a lot to my attention.

I won’t jump into anything until I’m fully certain.

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#98

12 days into my DR1 LBFH wash out and I’m still feeling the effects…

It’s still going to work on multiple things…

What a powerful subliminal experience this has been for me!

I find myself wanting to continue the dragon rebirth journey!

I almost wrote a letter of resignation to my employer yesterday. I felt this fire inside of me. When I put the fear aside I truly am unstoppable… I always had this mindset that I need this chosen career. That giving up isn’t an option. (Is it really giving up?) That I’m not secure without it. That it provides me with status.

What would others think if I quit? Would I be a failure? Like my mom? How awful to say such a thing. I want to look up to and be inspired by her. I feared I’d become just like her. The “negative” aspects of her.

She has so many lovely qualities. Just because she has MS and fibromyalgia, paired with mental health stuff, doesn’t make her a bad person. She has her limitations, yet strives to be the best she can be, considering.

I’m continuing to shift my judgments and reframe to something more loving. This makes me emotional.

It’s so liberating to heal these parts of my identity that I’ve carried for most of my life.

Fragments of brokenness or hopelessness melting away.

Reinventing the wheel of myself and breaking the generational garbage of my family lineage.

I’m embracing curiosity and anticipating more greatness on this adventure of life.

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Main Disc. Thread - Dragon Reborn ZP
#99

I can see your posts tending more towards positiveness - I think that’s great to see. You may still be experiencing some emotional wounds coming to the foreground, but you are looking at them through the eyes of positivity.

Also, strong emotions have a way of “drawing things to us”; I can’t explain it, but in my experience, intense emotions seem to cement things. If you are having intense emotions regarding your mom and fear of ending up like her, maybe some mindfulness to accept these emotions and a willingness to explore their depth would be good? I don’t know, you have to make that call, just something I thought of.

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#100

It’s been awhile since I’ve done an update…

It’s been almost a month since my wash out from DR and LBFH… (I believe)

It took me about 3 weeks to not feel the intense effects from DR.

I’ve honestly shifted so much since that experience.

I took the leap and resigned from my career working in education a week ago…

I went in for staff training last Thursday noticing that I was just happy to see my work friends. I wasn’t paying any attention to the training nor did I care to. I found myself looking up resignation letter templates instead. The afternoon was spent setting up a sensory room for special needs students and coaching 2 different staff members on personal life matters. That is my true calling and passion.

I felt as though the prison cell door opened for me and I walked through the gates to freedom.

The seed planted for me back in 2018 when I found myself hiding in the bathroom at work. I felt there was something greater for me.

I have walked across many bridges since then with a lot of detours, traffic and speed bumps but my vision never changed. It became clearer for me.

I am a business woman not a career woman. I enjoy being home with my family making money in multiple ways. When I love what I am doing it doesn’t feel like work.

Reflecting back to my college days… I worked with 2 private clients all while holding a part time job and doing weekly music lessons.

Having my son in my final year was a major speed bump for me on my journey. 2 major relationships and 2 more babies along the way…

I am finally in a place where I feel confident and ready to rock the world.

The next day after my work training I wrote up a draft not yet realizing it was actually perfect and didn’t need any revising. Divine perfect timing.

I sent it off that evening with a very quick response back from my employer. They let me go easily.

I have already revamped my sacred healing space in my home for reiki and coaching clients.

I have been promoting and sharing my business on socials. I know I need to get more education around business marketing.

I want to learn more about story telling and digital marketing. I have always been a passionate writer through my music poetry journaling short scripts and short stories.

I am exploring website ideas and business cards.

I have already manifested some money from multiple sources and have clients already.

I’ve noticed some confrontation and inner conflict around my true inner beliefs of my self concept. A lot has come to the surface to heal. I keep persisting and doing what needs to be done though! Others show me exactly what I have been imagining about myself. I am grateful for that. Much greater awareness from the inside out.

I am more fierce and bold yet loving when people are mistreating me. I can more easily relate to where they’re coming from and quickly imagine lovingly for them. I am more kind patient and compassionate with others now. I remember when I’d flip my lid when conflict began.

I have been listening to paragon exclusively from here for 19 days, but added a very trusted friends subliminal about 2 weeks into paragon.

Curious where I’ll go from here with subs and curious what you guys may suggest! Washout in 2 days!

Thank you. :heart:

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Main Disc. Thread - Dragon Reborn ZP
#101

Big kudos for the change!!!

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