im still on the fence if i want to journal through my experience on this new sub, but its effects i felt immediately. The thing i really want to get over is this all consuming numbness, just dampens everything; emotions, libido, drive, sense of meaning. like im surviving physically buts thats it, makes life seam hardly worth it.
This would no doubt be the ultimate test of this sub’s effectiveness. if this journal serves no other purpose.
day 1;
5 min loop. felt more calm and at ease with myself.
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must have laid on my back for over an hour last night just head throbbing all these different sensations. just in my head all the time, fear of trusting myself, try to maintain control at my job make sure i dont miss anything
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Felt alot better today, last night was like pretty bad depression but today was great, just because I started to feel or perceive meaning in my job,
If you ever feel like your going through these mental headaches or symptoms with depression dont be afraid to just sit with it and let it do it’s thing.
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What made you start at 5 mins vs 30s for Regen? I’m not saying it’ll be a problem, but working your way up definitely helps minimize those types of experiences you described in your last post.
I guess cus i just wanted to dive in head first and feel something, but im taking three days off now. Sometimes ill add 2 mins of ascended mogul, but i haven’t seen much from it. But I get your point from overloading yourself with them.
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Everytime I listen to it I’ll get this light burning in my chest. As if the heart saying “okay okay im awake”.
Did 7 minutes total today.
Had a good convo with my mom about our relationship growing up, how i felt abandoned and held that grudge and impression inside all these years. Feel like im getting to know her better as a person.
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The heart pounds at the door, the head looks through the peephole.
All these visions coming through,
Like i need to understand or do something.
I needed independence, but why did i go so far.
Its like the fairytale dragon fight, only it’s real and my fate is at stake. The princess, the positive feminine, the ability to relate.
Now my hearts really cookin. My hypothesis is either that energy will get absorbed back into my self absorbed head, or I’ll be able to transcend myself and express it meaningfully.
I’d like to get more of my energy into my job so I can do more and get paid more, or into my YouTube channel to make creative helpful content, or into a side business like mobile mechanics.
So ive got these vessels ready to go and hopefully regen can help pull that energy out so I can make use of it.
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Im at 6 minutes now, feels like a good pace.
Wondering when I should introduce the goal oriented ones. Was gonna do ascended mogul but in my field as a dealer technician maybe limitless would be more appropriate, was thinking about commander to hold my frame with all the noise and talking heads at work lol.
At this point im feeling pretty sluggish, heavy breathing, head mostly numb.
Maybe processing something the background.
Had a steady headache throughout the day,
but noticeably more productive,
gonna cut back listening time a bit
Wet dreams make me angry, feels like the dark which figure taking more of my energy so I have no rizz left for girls in real life. Part of the fuzzy unconscious feeling in my head perhaps, the last post with the headache felt like I was getting over or through it… not sure really, anyone else relate with this phenomenon?
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There’s this belief that I cant help but agree with, keeps me stuck. Carl Jung and complexes, im so attached to being “rational” and pragmatic. Its like a black hole that kept pulling me down in agreement with it because of how accurate the theory seams.
but a theory is just that, and reality is not a theory.
Does it have to make “sense”?
It just felt like this unconscious force pulling me into agreement with this psychological theory and therefore the belief that keeps me stuck.
The effect of the sub is it activates my heart to start working and coming alive but all that energy just gets absorbed back into my head, by that psychological phenomenon described or by “nocturnal emissions”.
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Is that like over intellectualizing things?
Yeah I guess so, always been in my head, tried to use an understanding of theory to get myself out of it but doesn’t seams to be working too well.
It’s a pretty common defense mechanism to avoid emotions. I used to do it all the time and not even realize.
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Accepting my whole self has helped,
One of those headaches came back for me.
Got more intense as the evening progressed with nausea, at which time I felt better as myself. Was better at getting things done at work. I was separating from the part that no longer serves me at this point. But I had a “nocturnal emission” and gave it more power.
At this point in can see a definite pattern;
The heart will burn for a time, until the headache will start, after which my head would “clear up”
At points in the past.
Lately the pattern just stays in the loop of heart burning, headache, wet dream,
Dazed and confused, repeat.
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Did 8 minutes this morning; feel dazed, comfortably numb feeling, except I dont want it to last forever.
A continuous battle plays out for the same “trauma”.
so much anxiety as a kid, afraid of the dark, afraid of being away from mom.
its the kind of smothering feeling makes you just want to risk it all, freefall into freedom
headache and nausea today as the day progresses. im thinking its a good thing as its happening after listening so it must be something trying to resolve itself,
so i just let r rip and hope something somes from it. is that masachism?
also in sort of a mental conflict about it maybe some experienced users can shed some light, but i think its like an all or nothing situation meaning that i need to get completely over this thing before i can really engage meaningfully in life or trying the other subs.
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Headache and nausea are bad signs typically. If it popped up as the day progressed it sounds like the sub hit deeper parts of you and triggered an adverse reaction. I relate to your desire to push through, but having been through this multiple times there’s no reward on the other side. You’re just putting yourself in distress. I’d recommend lowering the exposure amount of the sub.
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I concur. Dragon Reborn: Regeneration’s emotional healing should be light – similar to the experiences you see in the DR thread. There’s no need to power drive this title. A microloop can yield much better results in a situation like this.
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Okay I can see that, and thank you both for your input on this.
the dreams stopped aswell thats probably an indicator of too much. This reminds me of last year when I set off for kentucky from my hometown in norcal. Sometimes I have this urge to just plow ahead, or take actions that in hindsight are probably insensitive to the situation.
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