What I have been up to
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I ran the new A Love Bomb for Humanity Experimental really early this morning and I sort of regret it a bit. I have known for so long that I should focus on mental and emotional healing. I have spent most of my life being navigated by trauma and triggers that I want to know how it feels to just be. No meaning. No drama. Just live my life. I know self love is important and healthy but at this point it sometimes feels like just a bandaid.
I know I have mentioned this in the past but I now have to force myself to stay off social media. It’s a huge trigger for me. Usually out of boredom I go on there and then get upset when I realize I can’t relate to most of what’s on there. Makes me think it’s time to stop looking for things or people to relate. Feels like I’m seeking validation.
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Then, maybe, let it be a bandaid as you process old emotions and patterns and let them dissolve.
Nothing wrong with a bandaid. The bandaid is very useful to let the wounds heal.
Use the bandaid while you heal. 
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I don’t feel I really understand and embraced until fairly recently how this journey isn’t just about healing but also just as importantly it’s about self discovery. Not mind blowing I know.
Without it being intentional it feels like a spiritual awakening…
It’s such a weird feeling.
It makes not wanting to find a way to move forward a very painful experience emotionally.
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