Thanks @Lion. Hopefully it gets better.
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QL ST1 DAY42 (early update)
Oh the irony! 3 quotes popped up:
Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
And yet:
Do or do not. There is no try.
-Yoda
And worse still:
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
-W. C. Fields
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QL ST1 DAY42
Throat hurts all of a sudden. Feel like I’m going to have colds. I don’t know but every time I feel my nose itches because of my nose hairs, I’m about to get sick. It’s like my spider sense for getting sick is equivalent to my nose hairs suddenly becoming longer. Either that or my nose becoming more sensitive.
Nothing much to report today. Except that it looks like I may need to learn driver programming for a project I’m working on. QL don’t fail me now!
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QL ST1 DAY43
So throat still hurts a little. Bought an e-book on Amazon for the project I’m working on. Keep falling asleep every time I try to read it. Technical shit really makes me fall asleep. It’s like reading me a bed time story except it’s all about the intricacies of the operating system and how it all works and how you can communicate directly to it.
I really can’t wait until I start with the more practical aspects and start programming. However, I need to understand the theory first before all that. I guess it’s always been my problem back in college. Give me a project that requires me soldering various electronics together and I’m good. But ask me the math behind them and I’d most likely go blank.
Oh well. At least I am able to somewhat understand the concepts as long as I can keep myself awake.
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QL ST1 DAY44
Laptop office provided was in need of replacement. Requested from our IT department a few days ago and got an email earlier that it’s ready to be picked up. Told my wife I needed to go to the office to pick up the laptop either tomorrow or Monday. She got mad because “she’s stuck at home”. Didn’t want to argue but deep down I was thinking things like:
- You didn’t want to learn to drive in the first place!
- You can always walk if you want to go somewhere.
- You have credit cards. Why don’t you take an Uber?
- It’s because you don’t want to talk to people that you’re stuck!
Kept my mouth shut as it’s just because she’s frustrated that I can go places. But still…
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QL ST1 DAY45
Started reading “What Would The Rockefellers Do”. 1st chapter was very insightful. Already started thinking how I might apply them in my own life. And I do agree on the principle of keeping the wealth close by.
Thanks to @subliminalguy for showing this: EOG: No small change
With all the EQ journals popping up, I really am tempted to join the bandwagon. However, I’m really not sure if it would actually help me with my current goals and whether or not it would improve me and my situation right now.
Currently having some progress with my new project at work. Though it’s really small compared to what I really want the outcome to be. But hey, baby steps right?
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QL ST1 DAY46
Went grocery shopping today and the kids were not behaving the whole time. When we went to the cashier to pay, they were still rowdy and noisy. The cashier said that I’m a patient man as I was still able to keep calm even though my kids were misbehaving. Looking back, I’m not sure if it was her way of saying my kids are naughty or if she’s commenting on the fact I was not exploding from anger while at the store.
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Most statements are saying 4 or 5 things at the same time; but the lion’s portion of meaning is usually about the speaker him or herself.
Most likely she was thinking about how hard it would be for her to manage energetic kids. And I’d guess she was just literally admiring you. Cashiers spend much of their days witnessing a stream of parents coping (often badly) with their children.
I am hoping she was admiring the fact that I was able to keep a cool composure. However, while I was talking to her, I was actually boiling mad deep inside. I’m rather surprised I was able to keep it all in the whole time there.
i hear you.
no answers here. we all have our ideals. but we also all have our limits. hang in there.
you don’t talk very much about having personal time to work out or let off steam. do you get any of that?
I used to smoke. But I stopped 2 years ago as it was an unhealthy habit. And the money I spend on it could have gone to paying the bills.
So to answer the question, I guess not much. I try working out at least once a week but purely calisthenics at home as gyms memberships are expensive and finding time to actually go is a bit difficult with kids.
I do try to meditate at least 5 minutes a day.
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QL ST1 DAY47
So last night I was reading the product page for Emperor (V4) and saw that it contained AM and PS (w/c also contains SM). Given that my experience with Emperor previously was a bit too much for me, I decided to gradually try it out again.
So when I woke up, given that my wrist hurts again, I decided to play 2 loops each of Emperor Fitness ST1 and EmperorV4. By the time EF finished, the pain in my wrist has been reduced to a dull throb. However, I felt that Ev4 may be digging up some hidden frustration/pain. By the time 2 loops of Ev4 have played out, I was rather irritable. The good thing I can see was that I think my kids were at least more “obedient” to me and less hard headed than usual. Another is that my wife seems to be more “touchy” than usual.
I’m thinking of doing the same thing tomorrow. 2 loops each of EF ST1 and Ev4. And then go to my usual set of QL and AM. Then at night continue with QL and Mogul.
I’m still curious though as to whether or not EQ would be beneficial to me or not.
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I’m not on the experimental team working with EQ. But all that I’ve read indicates that it would be very helpful and possibly a much ‘smoother, mellower brew’.
That’s actually why I’m curious. When I started this stack over a month ago, I went with QL+Ev4 during the day. But there was too much reconciliation that I just flat out didn’t want to work and was mad all the time. That’s why I switched to AM and only now gradually adding Ev4 back in.
With AM, even if I still didn’t like my job, I was still able to function and do what was expected of me (maybe even slightly better). But the power and “sexiness” of Ev4 was lacking.
QL ST1 DAY48
Decided to increase EmperorV4 from 2 to 3 loops. While on the 3rd loop, I felt an extra boost of energy. This was while I was driving to the office this morning.
Went to the office on the assumption that the laptop I requested last week was ready (received an email from IT saying it was “ready for pick up” last Thursday). When I arrived, the IT person I talked to was on leave and emailed another staffer. When he found the “new” laptop, we saw it was neither new, and that another employee’s account was already installed on it. It would take about half a day to re-provision the damned thing. Although difficult, I could get mad at the guy because he did nothing wrong. It was the other one who’s on leave that I’m really pissed at. And to think I almost fought with my wife last week because of it!
Not sure if it’s because of my colds or what, but my tongue feels like it got burned. Been so sensitive the whole day. Normally it would be alright few minutes after drinking hot coffee.
As a side note. My wife woke me up last night because she was horny. Funny thing was I didn’t play SMv2 for a few days now. Could it be EmperorV4 giving off that vibe?
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QL ST1 DAY49
Took my wife and youngest kid to Ikea this morning as my kids need more storage space. Got really pissed at my wife because of the fact that I almost had a thumbnail ripped off while I was pulling a heavy box off of a shelf. The box contained the wood and other parts for the shelf, so it was really heavy.
Prior to going, I told her we should just order it online and have them delivered. It would have saved the time and effort of bringing everything to the car and then taking everything inside the house when we get home. But her “need” to physically shop really took over.
Funny thing though is that I wasn’t really looking at the cost when the cashier was ringing our purchases. I was thinking more about how we can fit everything inside the car. Would have been more pissed if my wife didn’t help me load and unload. Good thing she had the sense to actually try to help out.
On another note, I went to the periodontist this afternoon. So it looks like the surgery done to me last December is working fine. My gums are improving though there’s still some ways to go.
While going about today, I noticed the women seem to be friendlier than usual. Maybe it’s the EmperorV4, maybe not.
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QL ST1 DAY50
So I decided to work on 1 of the dressers we bought yesterday. Took me 4 hours to finish 1. Am so frustrated at myself. And yet I really can’t blame myself as I wanted the dresser to be sturdy. Given that it’s from Ikea, I decided to glue every joint and connection. The problem here is that doing so takes up more time. But then again, I really wanted to do it right. Based on past experience, the shelves we bought before are now pretty shabby as I simply just followed the instructions back then.
It’s weird but I’m constantly hungry today. It may be EF St1 or maybe QL ST1 doing some healing that requires me to also eat more. And yet, I feel that I should cut down as every day I just keep getting heavier.
QL ST1 DAY51
Been feeling tired the whole day today. Not sure if it was all the heat lifting I did to assemble my kid’s dresser yesterday or due to the healing done in both QL and EF.
Was also rather irritable. Could it be because I’m still tired or some form of reconciliation happening?
Without intending to, I suddenly recalled the email exchange I had with a lazy guy at work back in December. I really don’t know why. Could it be Ev4 making me hate my job again? Sticking to max 4 loops of Ev4 for now. I don’t want to start hating my job again. Not when I feel like I can make some progress at work.
QL ST1 DAY52
Woke up this morning to a splitting headache. Forced myself to get up from bed so as to get my kids ready for school. Each step was like a jackhammer pounding my skull!
Went straight home after dropping my kids off at school and went back to bed. Woke up at lunch with the pounding in my head still there.
All the while, I just couldn’t even bear to listen to my stack. Any sound I heard was like a banging on a wall. Couldn’t set my playlist to ultrasonics as my youngest kid still didn’t go to school and I didn’t want him getting exposed to any of it just yet.
Finally, around 3pm, my headache started to subside and I was able to start listening to my stack of EF and Ev4. Fell asleep again while listening.
Am now currently listening to QL and AM. Pounding in my head has died down to just a slight humming.
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And by the way. I had a strange dream last night. In my dream, I was riding in a car being driven by a “friend” of mine. Although I don’t remember who, all I know is he’s a friend. He overtook a motorcycle while on a highway. Later on, that same motorcycle overtook us and stopped right in front of the car. My friend had no choice but to brake. We got out and I was pushed by a handsome Asian guy (looked like from one of those Korean soap operas). Was told to stay down.
Woke up to my alarm clock with a pounding in my head.