My sex drive has gone out of control. To the point that now I am wondering whether I was just repressed sexually or it is DRR at play trying to convey something.
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Had a realization just now. It is that while on the surface I am fed up with my situation and want positive change and to succeed, deep down I am so used to it and so comfortable with it that I don’t really want anything to change. I am scared of positive change and success as much as I am scared of negative change and failure. Deep down I just want to make do with whatever my current situation is like and hope it remains so forever all this while I daydream about what success would’ve been like for me.
I would Iike to change this subconscious pattern/structure that I have come across for a better one. The only thing is I don’t know how to.
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Still feeling like I am on the verge to cry, I do get out a drop or two of tears but that’s it for now. But I think it is a good sign. Like a few cracks in my dam of emotions.
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Felt a very intense frustration regarding everything in my life at this point and an urge to break free from everything. I guess this is the rebel scripting at work.
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Yesterday night I realised I am not just repressed but also frustrated sexually. I felt such intense sexual frustration that for most of the night I couldn’t even sleep.
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Since that time I have fapped for an unnatural amount of time but the feeling is still there. Now I am wondering, if my frustration is even bigger than my libido or something.
Today was my 10th listening day (one more to go). I have been feeling like I could vomit anytime for some reason and yet that hasn’t happened. Just like how I feel like crying but am not able to.
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Hope you are feeling better now, bro.
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Yes, a bit. But there’s still a lingering feeling of the same.
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Hope you feel better soon. Am sending you healing energy,
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Done with DRR 1, first cycle. Next DRR 2 cycle starts on 6th october.
What I learned through my first cycle of DRR 1 is that I have not just been bottling up my emotions and thoughts but also sexual desires, the intensity by which they resurfaced I was really not expecting that. It overwhelmed me to the point that I started doubting whether I even have enough libido to satisfy myself. Now I’m really curious where my DRR journey will take me, one stage at a time.
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I had a time today where I finally felt the weight of negative emotions I haven’t expressed. Did some journaling and shed a few tears, now feeling a lot better and lighter. But I know it was just superficial and not the end of my problem. I have to have a hearty cry at some point because I know that I am still holding back.
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Today in the morning I had a very vivid dream about two of my teeth decaying and falling. It was so vivid I actually thought my teeth had fallen off when I woke up.
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DRR1 Washout Day 3
Had a short cry today again. This time I realized one issue that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t come to crying. I have had a very hard academic journey so far and on top of that even after having graduated 2 years ago I still feel directionless with respect to career. I don’t know where I want to end up. But that one guilt that had always been there is of being a burden to my family.
While I don’t have any idea on the direction of my life right now. The one thing that I know for sure is I want to be financially independent and stop being a burden to my family.
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DRR 1 Washout Day 5
I always thought of myself as someone who likes to save money which is why I never really tracked my expenses until now. Yesterday I decided track expenses of this week just to see what picture it paints, and my god! I spent so much. The thing is since my payments tend to be small it created a perception in my mind as if I am saving money but that is not the case. I am a big spender.
I think I will make tracking my finances a habit from now on.
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DRR Stage 2 Washout
I did 2 cycles of DRR 2 because I didn’t feel anything in the first cycle. But in the 2nd cycle I was able to keep up with nofap for 11 days! It is the longest I have ever done. And it wouldn’t have been possible for me pre-DRR. Pre-DRR (stage 2) it would have been a miracle if I was able to keep up with nofap for 3 days, that’s it. I wouldn’t last any longer than that. This is really a miracle.
Going to start with DRR stage 3 from 5-6 December because I’m going through a season change flu. Nothing a few loops of Paragon wouldn’t solve.
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DRR has done its job. I have been without any PMO for over 22 days now!! For me who couldn’t go two days without it, this is nothing sort of a milestone. My current target is 90 days. It doesn’t take much effort now. Though I do sometimes watch porn out of compulsive behaviour but I don’t fap to it (want to get rid of this too). I hope I make it.
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Damn that’s great to hear, bro!
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Thank you bro!! 
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