Death of the Boy, Birth of the Man

Journals - Major Programs
#1

I have been gone for a hot minute in regards to posting in my previous journal Ascension with Primal. For two reasons. I was going through a lot internally mainly with shifting mindset, and two while I did love that stack and the results that came with it, I went back to an old stack that I ran for a few cycles before I started to really post on here and that was Emperor and Primal Seduction, for at least 21 days. Idk why but my subconscious absolutely loves the shit out of Emperor ZP, and I love the way it beats me down and builds me back up again, and again. I also have been using Rebirth along side of those two, and before I say what my schedule was I will state now that this was my own choice and I wont recommend anyone to do this, this is something that needs to be your choice. I listened to all 3 at 7mins each every listening day which is every other day as well as two days off in a row and I have had amazing results.

Between these Im goin to keep the results short mainly because I cant remember every detail, but to me with what I have experienced and remember the results have been ground breaking.

I am a lot more grounded and much more comfortable with who I am as a person, and a lot more confident with myself.

Have been putting myself out there more with women, not really much in terms of flirting and getting numbers but with that department I am taking baby steps. However a lot more women are approaching me and starting convos with me

Being respected a lot more

Having more of a leader vibe to myself. Also a dont F**k with me vibe.

Socially a lot friendlier and out going but can also enjoy my own time. So idk why Emperor gets shit on for being anti social, but I never felt that way at all

No need for validation, while it is nice I can validate myself.

My subconscious communicates with me in a way. It has helped with recon and allows me to figure out why this memory is being brought up, also has made me more introspective.

Starting to see toxicity in people, in the workplace, and other places and people in general and stepping away or cutting out those places and or people. One is actually work as well as leadership and will be leaving in about 6 weeks if everything goes as planned and just do side gigs while I finish the last few months of school.

Speaking of negativity, most of my life I had a very negative mindset and over the years I have been slowly adopting a more positive mindset. These subs have helped out tremendously and I have been at the point while I havent had a super positive mindset I have almost gotten rid of my negative mindset and when that internal struggle ended I found peace and was finally able to relax for a bit. I started to do a skin care routine, a new hair routine, started to dress nicer, started shaving too. A few people have stated I look younger now and my skin is glowing. I have felt much better about myself and actually mean it when i say I love myself now.

Now my new mission is to cultivate a positive mindset even more and use positivity to take action, and complete goals rather than a negative mindset that I have relied on for so long lol which I will admit is a bit of a challenge but it will benefit me greatly.

I have started a new stack last week and in the next post I will specify what and why I chose these specific Subs

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Acension - A skeptics journey
#2

Okay so My new Stack is Stark and Wanted.

Why I chose Wanted

I wanted to try out that strong physical shifting tech cause at some point I do want to use this HERO I keep hearing about so I feel a background with a strong physical shifting tech would benefit me. I also struggled my whole life with feeling wanted and desired by women so I felt like this could definitely help in that department and plus I have seen a lot of good reviews! I hate to admit this but looking back while I can be dominate and can approach women I realized that to a degree I naturally play the Hot and Cold game on accident haha. I had a lot of anxiety and self esteem issues with women so I always thought no one wanted me but I am just that outgoing guy that does get a long with anyone and even women so I would talk to them but my issues made me show no interest cause you know whats the point in trying? So they would take that as a challenge and show interests which I thought they were being nice and instead were playing the game that I was accidently playing. So I played the hot and cold game accidently from anxiety, and sheer stupidity so I wanna cultivate that side of me.

Why I chose Stark

I will be honest when I first started and joined, my first Sub was Emperor ZP and while I was running it my subconscious was always drawn to Stark for some reason. It was on the lines of when you’re ready you will run these two together one day. That was back in February. Fast forward to a few weeks ago I will admit before I started this stack I ran Emperor and Stark together for just one day and holy shit, I felt great but I also immediately knew I was not ready to run that a stack just yet so I want to listen to Stark alone for a few cycles then reincorporate Emperor into the stack. I also want that charisma and celebrity status as well as the productivity and intellectual aspects which will benefit me for school!

Okay in the next post I will post what I have experienced so far, I apologize for the novels but I am trying to get everything up to speed and actually start this journal and post on a weekly basis.

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#3

Okay so week one is in the bag of Stark and Wanted

The first few days were tough recon wise and I mainly think it is from Wanted. It really threw into my face how truly needy I am for validation from women and I realized how much I hate that behavior and how weak it is. I am finally changing that and honestly I can thank my Emperor and PS stack for giving me the internal power to do finally break the chains of automatically letting women have that power over me. I dont need their validation and honestly as the days go by I dont care for their validation. You wanna noticed me or not thats on you cause now I have my own validation to push me. Wanted seems to guiding me on how to do this, and I will admit its very freeing emotionally and spiritually especially since most of my life I needed womens validation.

While Emperor and PS gave me a lot of internal power Stark is almost like that green light I needed to finally take action and point me in the right direction in a positive manner Stark is also making think a lot more clearly. I have also been a lot more productive and starting to get things done. I did some spring cleaning, finally started this journal, and started working out again.

Things for this week:

Im on discord and I noticed this week I am more social and a lot funnier, people are also talking to me more. One of the girls who is very attractive did say I was hot and we have been talking but just as friends mainly. She lives a few hours away, I have a busy life right now, and I sense intimacy issues on her end but I would be down to take a trip. She wants to take me hiking and this was on the first night of talking.

Oddly enough I dont get the drowsy effect with this stack I actually get the energized effect with this stack. One cup of coffee in the morning seems to hold me off all day. Also caffeine helps with recon for me but that has been for any Sub

Also dont need pre workout as much for working out.

Women are eyeing me a lot more, and some have started to have convos with me. Nothing as lead anywhere but right now idc so much at this point in time haha I also dont get taken back by beauty as much, most of the time I will look at a women think she is pretty and pretty much forget about her lol

Putting my goals over women

While Emperor and P.S. gave me that dont fk with me attitude, Stark is giving me that dont fk with me but if you do I will unleash hell on you. This could also be a combo with stark and Emperor/P.S. blooming.

Made a plan to leave my toxic workplace and how to make it work financially while I am in school.
In terms of women right now I only want friends and to cultivate my game and also sleep around a bit if the opportunity presents itself. I have too much going on and me cultivating my positivity is going to change me exponentially so bringing someone into my life in terms of a relationship would be too much for me to handle and ultimately wouldn’t be fair for supposed GF. Plus I love myself now and I wanna enjoy that for a bit.

Understanding my value and all the hard work that I have put into myself these past few months and finally have the internal power to truly change in a positive manner.

Okay that is enough lol I am tired of updating. Next week I intend to hopefully be more in-depth with my journaling with weekly updates and possibly day to day updates if something major happens.

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#4

@Uber_Elysium
Stark and Wanted is god-tier stacking.

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#5

Good to hear! Can’t wait for results to really start show!

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#6
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#7

So something that I am noticing since starting Wanted in a physical shifting sense is that my natural strength has gone up a bit despite not working out real intensely for a couple weeks, and my stamina seems to be improving rather quickly. Also while I haven’t noticed much in the mirror my clothes are shirts are starting to feel loose in the stomach area. Also I have noticed an increase in sexual energy but its a lot more controlled. Which is nice cause I practice energy work and have been trying to practice sexual transmutation for some time now! Ngl while I was on P.S. I gained Oonga Boonga levels of sexual energy and in regards to that sometimes it was a lil much haha not saying its a bad thing but for me who isnt sexually active atm it was nice but a lil much to control at times haha. Also like most subs Wanted has really made me go inward and while looking at some dating/flirting tips in terms of not being available all the time, It made me look at a lot about me even more.

So I went on a drive because it helps me be very introspective and I was thinking what would make me Wanted? I was thinking about the thing that I struggled with the most that made women lose attraction to me and that was always being available. So I was thinking well maybe I just wont text back as often to appear busy. My subconscious screamed at me “No! Think deeper than that.” I realized that rather than faking being busy actually be busy. What im getting at is that I thought of ways to be busy but in ways that also improved my value as a man as well as respecting myself even more. Such as following a workout routine, a study routine, cleaning schedule, not putting women on a pedestal, putting boundaries for my own time, prioritizing goals and minimizing distractions, finding a hobby, utilizing Do Not Disturb, and as time goes on even more goals will come.

These things to me will increase my value and better myself, while also IMO make me what I believe a Wanted man. To me I will be playing the hot and cold game naturally because I will be busier while also respecting my time and actually working towards goals. Also a busier man who isnt always available is desired and respected by friends, family, loved ones as well as women.

Also I am really starting the nonchalance with women already. So when I started I would check out women that I found attractive and that was it, I am not as taken back by women’s beauty, unless she was breathtaking haha. So I have a really deep natural voice Im a bass/baritone so people notice it all the time. Today at a gas station I checked out and the girl at the counter was shocked at my voice and talked about it (I get it all the time from people so its nothing new to me) but I noticed she was smiling and locking eyes with me hardcore. I just let it go mainly cause I wasnt interested lol maybe im that focused on internal growth, maybe its the less need for validation from women, or maybe my standards are rising, who knows lol.

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#8

Yes dude! You nailed it! Also! Don’t underestimate the power of having platonic friends! Not only does it make you happier and more confident, it’s another way to actually be busy and to prove to your self and the world that you ARE Wanted.

Keep going!

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#9

Thank you mi amigo, happy to know that I seem to be going in the right direction with all this!

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#10

Major Update

So ever since I made that post a few days ago about truly being a wanted man means to me, my energy and emotions started to build up and yesterday both of them became volatile.

Some backstory:

So something that I have realized when I started my Sub journey was that in terms of my subconscious and energy I was always drawn to Emperor from the very beginning, honestly even before I read about it. I bought ran it loved it, but swapped it out for other subs to try them out, had Primal, P.S. Spartan, Ascension, Wanted and now StarkQ. For some reason though this is twice now, is that whenever I start a stack that doesnt have Emperor in it within a few weeks my subconscious wants Emperor back and it only happens with Emperor. Yesterday I asked myself why this happens and why only with Emperor? After a lot of deep thought I came to very strong conclusions, and it correlates with what I believe a wanted man is.

While all the Subs I have ran have benefitted me tremendously I realized that Emperor is honestly my foundation, but also in a way its also like a mentor to me. I finally accepted that I need to take an inner journey to change who I am on the inside and strengthen and better my inner world, so my outer world can reflect that. I also admitted to myself that the best course of action would be at least for me is to run Emperor for a good while, possibly for a minimum of 3 months so it truly integrate into me so I can change and have an incredibly strong foundation, rather than swapping it out every few cycles like I did multiple times out of honestly ignorance from being a newer user and honestly probably just finding that Sub that works for me, and to me, I feel I need to let Emperor do its job properly with me.

My second conclusion came on last night after the Emperor realization. I finally realized why I had a hard time getting motivated, staying on task, had a hard time bettering myself my whole life. It led to a moment of pure anger, I only improved myself to get noticed by women, their validation, being liked etc, never for my own self. Now I have admitted that before ( I believe) in other posts that I realized that, however it was as if my conscious as well as subconscious mind, emotions, and spirit synced up with that, which is why I probably got so angry. I have had anger issues in the past but I learned to control it and use my anger as a tool and honestly SubClub has really helped me refine that ability so thank you for that! Now as my anger built up after that realization it took an hour or two but I said the words, “From here on out, I wont better myself for the validation of women, but for me.” What happened was so insane energy and aura wise. My energy exploded throughout my body, it felt as if some energy blocks were obliterated, and in my minds eye, my aura itself felt fiery, and looked golden. Since then I slept like shit because I let a lot of emotion out lol but today felt great at work even though I slept only 3 hours, and while I felt the effects of sleep deprivation I was able to push through, which honestly I can thank Stark for, my energy still feels the same but a lot calmer.

That said I am thinking about switching out Stark for Emperor. I really like Stark and I will make a separate post on how Stark has affected me cause I dont want to do Stark a disservice either, but I truly feel that for now if any sub needs to really be integrated into me, especially with these realizations that happen I feel that needs to be Emperor. This time I want to do it properly and give it plenty of cycles, set and forget, and truly take action that is necessary. Later on when I have that strong foundation and I feel I have became the man that I want to be on the inside maybe I will add Stark again.

I also intend to keep Wanted, ngl it actually feels very natural to me, I like the physical shifting, its helping me with my looks, some friends have commented that Im starting to become more muscular in the upper body region, and tbh I like being a man mystery. Plus I noticed that while running this I am social but I can also be reserved and introverted, which is how I am naturally as well. Even though I am very inward right now im still not opposed to meeting new women and seeing where things go lol. This is also a sub I intend to run for a good while as well. Might possibly run Ascension for a cycle or two since I already have a few cycles with it, so I can give my mind a break with running two dense subs in tandem, give wanted an easier time to integrate for a few cycles, to have a better foundation for Emperor to work with, plus its a damn good sub for inner and outer work.

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#11

My experience so far with Stark as been really good and has really helped my social game as well as productivity.

While I will say I am intelligent, my mind seems to be able to process things faster, but the one thing I have noticed is that my focus and attention span has improved as well.

People seem to really enjoy my company more, not that people didn’t in the first place.

In terms of conversations, I feel that I don’t have to think as much with what I am going to say, so I am more fluid but it doesn’t give you diarrhea of the mouth either.

I seem to have an easier time making people laugh.

Definitely a lot more outgoing and more willing to start conversations with random people.

Less overthinking and just doing what needs to be done.

As stated in my previous post while I did sleep like shit I was able to power through this day so there is definitely an energy boost in there and noticed I don’t need as much caffeine.

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#12

How about stacking Stark with Sanguine instead? It would make you really “solid” too but you would keep all your options open whilst Emperor is laser-focused on building an empire and ruling it with an iron fist.

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#13

At this point in time im trying not to buy more Subs lol which is something I am guilty of, and trying to stick to at least two subs, and im really liking Wanted and how it makes me feel lol and also hellbent on going back to Emperor cause I really like the way it made me feel. However now that my emotions have calmed down I will take this into consideration!

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#14

What is your currently listening schedule?

If you notice your temper shorter, or any anger doesn’t reduce, consider fewer loops, or less times listening (maybe 5 minutes instead of the full 15).

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#15

So I do a Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday schedule. At 7 mins each right now.

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#16

I’d also consider you listening twice a week.

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#17

I actually though about doing that recently too lol so that’s a coincidence you brought it up haha. Also thank you for the input!

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#18

Something interesting happened today. So there is a girl at school that I was infatuated with and I started talking to her and her friends lil by lil whenever we had the free time. Found out a few weeks ago that she was genuinely talking to someone and I brushed it off but she is cool so I decided to still talk to her in a platonic way, which is huge for me cause in the past I would have been kinda salty and distance myself lol. Well I took a week off from school last week for personal reasons and today was the first day I saw her and she was genuinely happy to see me and ngl it was nice to be missed but for once it wasn’t needed for me. Now I won’t post her whole story but I found out she was going through shit especially financially and I realized that was being genuine and not lying at all. I gave her $10, it was all my tip money I made but I didn’t need it. She said that she wanted to pay me back but I told her not to worry about, if I was I wouldn’t have offered in the first place.

Now the part that shocked me the most was that even though I am infatuated by her I just did it out of true integrity. I have always been that way but in the past a part of me deep down would have done it to get her to notice me or be the “nice guy” so maybe she would think of me. Not this time I literally did because she has always been kind to me and I just wanted to help, with no expectation of IOU’s or anything.

This is a huge sign on how much I have came along on my self improvement journey and sub journey since I started and it has shown me how much I have grown in terms of women but also as man.

I just wanna say thank you SubClub, discovering you has made my self improvement journey much tougher, but easier as well which has more growth to it, and also a lot more reward in honestly a shorter amount of time than doing it myself.

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#19

Wanted Update

Just posting some observations and changes that I have noticed while running wanted, also note that I am entering my last week before a washout.

  • Definitely starting to lose body fat and lean out without losing muscle mass, in fact I noticed my chest and biceps have gotten bigger.

  • Started to get motivated to workout again.

  • Natural baseline muscular strength and endurance has gone up. As well as cardiovascular endurance.

  • More focus during workouts

  • Been thinking about growing out my beard again, but have continued to shave. Developed an ingrown hair and not shaving for the time being to let it heal properly, so let’s see where that goes lol.

  • Haven’t noticed too much of flirting from women, however women are a lot friendlier to me.

  • Took a week of from school for personal reasons, and when I returned at least four girls outside of my program asked me where I have been. They are seriously talking to someone however, or in a relationship, so no desire to pursue anything other than being platonic, but it was nice ngl to be missed haha.

  • Started to get more compliments on my looks

  • Starting to look a lot better in the face region as well.

  • Hair seems to be thicker

  • Apologize if this is TMI but Uber Jr seems to be stronger as well

  • So I am getting more compliments with the build of my body. So I am 5’7” and I finally started to accept that and it doesn’t bother me anymore in fact I actually joke about it now. Lol but I have always been very broad shouldered, big chested, if I have lost enough weight I do V out a bit, and I also have very big legs, tbh I never had to really put effort into my muscle mass. Also clarify that I do carry quite a bit of fat on me, so by no means am I super lean, I would say I look like an in shape power lifter, or a buff dadbod.

  • Got told that even though I am so short, my shoulders are more broad than a lot of people that are 6’4” or whatever.

  • Got told that my confidence, and super low voice makes up for my height, by a trusted friend.

  • Also a girl I’m friends with on Discord said. “You’re super built for a lil guy!”

  • Appetite has gone up but honestly not a whole lot. I am drinking more water however.

  • While I haven’t cleaned up my diet all that much I have greatly reduced my sugar/junk food intake. I would generally grab a candy bar every time I go out but only got one this week and only my one pint of ice cream I allow myself once a week.

  • Started to go out in nature a lot more in my free time, and my skin is taking to the sun nicely.

  • Even though I am trying to lose weight and improve my looks, I am starting to accept where I’m at now and still consider myself to be good looking and it’s only goin to get better as well, so I am more accepting of myself.

  • Killed my need for validation and need of attention from women, and even chilled out my desire for a GF. This has caused me to focus more so on my goals, self improvement etc. which in turn does make men more attractive to women.

  • Saved this one for last! A friend said this to me “You like to be a man of mystery don’t you?” I said “Yes” :joy: (That was after listening day 4)

To me I really love what Wanted has done for me so far on so many fronts already. I will also say that this has been the fastest Sub (for me) that I have used so far. Definitely planning on using this a good while.

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#20

So after spending some time thinking I decided to switch back to Emperor like my conscious was telling me to and it just felt right. Since I have some time with Emperor already, I have decided to make it a sub I will continue to listen to for at least 6 months. So I decided to make a custom Emperor which is my first custom as well! It arrived today and I am excited to listen to it when I get home. I have also decided to continue listening to Wanted zp as well

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