3/10 Friday ā Day 10: Off Day
There are 11 days left in this cycle and 6 of those days are listening days.
Yesterday, I could only listen to 3 minutes of Emperor because of limited time. On a positive note, I did receive my salary on time. However, I am still considering whether to continue working here as timely payment is very important to me. I plan to take Monday off and if they pay my salary for this week, I will continue. My bigger goal is to save enough money to invest in a trading course and build up an emergency fund. In parallel, I am working on getting my license to qualify for specific jobs. Once I begin trading, my plan is to work only two days a week, which should be enough to cover expenses since I live simply.
My main expenses are smokes, though at home I use rolling tobacco and vapes instead of buying cigarettes. I also cook most of my meals. My staples are chicken, tuna, eggs, and wraps, and sometimes I eat meals prepared by my family. This helps me save a lot of money.
I did experience a relapse. I am starting to recognize that it stems from past insults and loneliness. These experiences made me feel worthless in relationships. In the past, I was often seen only as one-night stand material, even though I wanted more. Over time, I stopped caring. I sometimes miss the days when I received attention, but that was only a validation drug.
At work, I have noticed a rising sense of quiet aggressiveness within me. Some people try to boss me around, but when I look them in the eyes, they immediately say sorry without me saying a word. This shows that my old intimidating aura is returning. For a long time after COVID, I lost this strength due to years of self-abuse. It has not fully returned, but it is slowly coming back. As Machiavelli said, fear is stronger than love.
I must remain disciplined and consistent. This is not the time for distractions. It is time to make it. I wish I had the money for a gym, but I will continue to train with the tools available.
Todayās agenda: train. My diet is still clean and I am avoiding fast food. At the moment, I eat two meals a dayāone about five hours before work and another after work. This creates a 12-hour fast. I am gradually moving toward a 16/8 intermittent fasting routine, and even trying longer fasts. This week, I achieved one OMAD day.
I want to get back in shape. I know it requires patience, so I tell myself every day: baby steps. Each step builds momentum and growth, and every effort counts.
I will update again if anything develops.