Yesterday, I ordered my first custom. I desired some (felt) internal masculine power, and ultimately chose Regeneration and Power Can Corrupt as my cores. Below is my sub:
Regeneration Q Core
Power Can Corrupt Q Core
Stop Porn and Masturbation
Energetic Development XI
I’d originally considered either Stark or Ascension as my main focus–until I had an eye-opening experience while watching a local amateur hockey game a buddy was playing in. I was up in the stands, alone, and the only people there were players and some girlfriends of theirs. I saw only 2 girls.
I normally don’t go to such events myself–I live in old-people land–and this was maybe 75 miles south. Guys in their 30’s and 40’s playing, and the game started at 9PM–and I usually am in bed by 7 for work. Definitely a different culture for me. I sat in the stands just watching, not seeking validation (I had Ascension Q playing a loop on my phone). Then…the first girl came in. I watched her backside, feeling ok…but some old prominent fear suddenly hit me and held fast to me. I felt extremely powerless, very immature…fricken helpless. I stayed seated, but realized this shit is what sidelines me again, again, and again. I’d call it a 5 minute WTF moment.
But I knew what was wrong. Well, I know the general area: old relationship traumas. No surprise, and the fear hanging on demanded a solution. Right there I chose to go with Regeneration. I’ve got New Beginnings and Blue Skies in there, along with other healing modules. I even put Stress Displacement in to counter stresses I may experience with this package.
And following an example a fellow gave me this morning, I downloaded Elixer Ultima. I did one loop with a loop of Regeneration Q. No noticeable relief yet–but I slept with Regeneration (pre-Q) running all night, plus ran a loop of Ascension Q at work. Overdoing it can be easy on SC subs, and I’m not running anything now.
Going forward, seeking peace with myself, knowing my understandings need some reevaluation. Subs encourage that, and I’m glad I’m with SC. I’ll probably get my custom Monday.
Edit: almost skipped out here. I’m writing to mostly guys here, and I have fears of guys really knowing me, as I often (easily) paste critical, demeaning personalities on guys. I’m seeking some breakthrough. I welcome that change.