Custom Regen / PCC journey--clearing out time

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

Yesterday, I ordered my first custom. I desired some (felt) internal masculine power, and ultimately chose Regeneration and Power Can Corrupt as my cores. Below is my sub:

Blue Skies
New Beginnings
Regeneration Q Core
Power Can Corrupt Q Core
Godlike Masculinity
Stop Porn and Masturbation
Gratitude Embodiment
Stress Displacement
Omnidimensional
The Forge
Energetic Development XI
Natural Winner
Intuition Enhancer
Total Nonchalance
Productivity Unleashed
Atman

I’d originally considered either Stark or Ascension as my main focus–until I had an eye-opening experience while watching a local amateur hockey game a buddy was playing in. I was up in the stands, alone, and the only people there were players and some girlfriends of theirs. I saw only 2 girls.

I normally don’t go to such events myself–I live in old-people land–and this was maybe 75 miles south. Guys in their 30’s and 40’s playing, and the game started at 9PM–and I usually am in bed by 7 for work. Definitely a different culture for me. I sat in the stands just watching, not seeking validation (I had Ascension Q playing a loop on my phone). Then…the first girl came in. I watched her backside, feeling ok…but some old prominent fear suddenly hit me and held fast to me. I felt extremely powerless, very immature…fricken helpless. I stayed seated, but realized this shit is what sidelines me again, again, and again. I’d call it a 5 minute WTF moment.

But I knew what was wrong. Well, I know the general area: old relationship traumas. No surprise, and the fear hanging on demanded a solution. Right there I chose to go with Regeneration. I’ve got New Beginnings and Blue Skies in there, along with other healing modules. I even put Stress Displacement in to counter stresses I may experience with this package.

And following an example a fellow gave me this morning, I downloaded Elixer Ultima. I did one loop with a loop of Regeneration Q. No noticeable relief yet–but I slept with Regeneration (pre-Q) running all night, plus ran a loop of Ascension Q at work. Overdoing it can be easy on SC subs, and I’m not running anything now.

Going forward, seeking peace with myself, knowing my understandings need some reevaluation. Subs encourage that, and I’m glad I’m with SC. I’ll probably get my custom Monday.

Edit: almost skipped out here. I’m writing to mostly guys here, and I have fears of guys really knowing me, as I often (easily) paste critical, demeaning personalities on guys. I’m seeking some breakthrough. I welcome that change.

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#2

Looking forward to what you write, @subliminalguy.

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#3

Thanks @SubliminalUser. I was just reading my old Kahn journal, seeing in writing actual truths I experienced while on it. I thought “I’d like to try that again”… Yes, I would. Stacking it, maybe in a while. Kahn is one powerful sub–and I never went beyond Stage 1. I’d like to reset these norms (of fear) which I keep listening to. Why did I quit? Fears. Irrational fears, those I’ve identified with for so long. Sitting here, I realized (quite easily) that my mind will look to justify something which is painful, and I know I pulled off since…damn…pain was familiar. Fuck!

Anyway, stacking seems a better idea than making a brand new custom with either Kahn or “I Am” in it.

But I did put Forge in it to allow for testing me. V1 of Regen hasn’t pushed me out of my comfort zone much, and though I had fears it’d be too much, I included it. I will find out, in time.

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#4

I’m sure you will feel your sub very quickly :slight_smile:

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#5

Funny. I’ve not even received it yet, but I’ve already had a root surface. Felt like I was in between releasing it, or hanging onto it.

I’ve listened to Regen, Regen Q, Ascension, and EOG St2 this weekend, not including about 3 loops of Ultima titles.

But upon considering replying to @GoldenTiger, a sudden fear popped up, which contradicted everything I’ve been experiencing this weekend. I’ve been drawn towards relational healing movies this weekend, and I watched one 3 times. I don’t think I’ve ever done that. But I’ve been drawn towards being loved and liked for being myself. Just anything but being rejected.

One clear conversation stands out, and it happened today. I was on the phone with a guy I met over the weekend, a guy who’s the creator, salesman, and idea man for a CBD products startup company I’m going to invest in. I’d shared with him over the weekend I use subliminals to help grow me, explaining my unique (less-fearful) approach to business and relationships. And today he thought I was nervous about going forward financially. I corrected him, sharing I wasn’t fearful about the money part at all. I shared the subs had revealed something to me, specifically since my introduction to him and his business is by a guy who’s pretty similar to my brother–loud, egotistical, and (I didn’t say this, but) narcissistic. In short, everything’s about him. A loud, demanding man-child.

I shared it scared me, and though it did, I was grateful the sub had allowed this to pop up. Unexpectedly, he shared he’d regrettably been in the exact same spot himself this year, having held unforgiveness towards his dad for decades. He shared his story, how he’d changed, and I began crying while he talked. I’ve had that root, that cage over my heart, since childhood. I didn’t share much after his story. I just wept.

I’m unsure what I’m supposed to do next… When I look forward into tomorrow, I see myself trying to put my heart-cage back on. Listening to Regen now, I’m sad, but I don’t want to do this anymore. Doing things differently, healthily, and honestly is something I greatly desire. (cueing a module request for @fire)

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#6

Healing is always an up and down rollercoaster!

Everything is well, you feel loved and relieved… Finally you just feel bad and… Fearful… Sad… Angry!

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#7

Listening to Ascension Q this morning for one loop. No custom yet. I’ve used both Q and older versions of subs since I enjoy feeling one run, but Q demands I limit exposure since too much will often give reconciliation for at least a full day. I know I’ll probably experiment with extra loops in time, but it confuses me reading reports of people looping their Q custom. Just wondering about it.

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#8

Considering I’ve actively repressed emotions all my life, feeling anything is positive for me. I know I’m doing this custom since the more emotional baggage I clear out, the easier it becomes to listen to subs. A year ago I was in Kentucky visiting my ex and daughter, and I’d ran another sub while with them. But my teenage daughter had actually peeved me at times by disrespecting my authority. I remember once I got back home putting on Emp4 to boost my sense of internal power.

Short story is I blasted her angrily via text. I’d been quite safe with her while in KY, and it was quite a personality change for me. I hurt her bad, and I’m cautious with Emperor now.

Last week I ran Emperor the longest I’ve ever without negative consequences–a week–and I can only cite me clearing out old fears as the reason it went smoothly.

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#9

Change is happening. It’s happening often slower than what we want, but we can notice it. It’s always amazing how one year of subs can change you and your reaction!

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#10

First listen ended almost an hour ago. I waited to see what would pop up, and I was surprised at what did.

Happiness. And joyful banter with my bitcoin miner as I asked him about a transaction today. He replied in miner “code”, and I quickly replied

“In Engles, por favor”

I’ve not felt like this in QUITE a while. Words barely do justice :slight_smile: . LOTS of little realizations I’m welcoming. Lots.

I’m gonna sleep and play another loop in the morning.

Wow!

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#11

Listening now. I got an online message from a woman I used to work with, and something’s changing/working upstairs. Like I’m being led to detach from a fear-based “control everything” mindset. That’s what’s going on this morning. Simple. It may be Atman, for control limits my success.

I’ve allowed fear to steer my way too much, and by doing so, I sabotage myself. It’s been a miserable norm, but I’m getting angry thinking about that. Why? WHY?

Gonna get up. Anger fuels me

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#12

It’s great to see you journaling again.

Can I ask, why you were running EOG stage 2, was it for finding the life direction in it? Or please share what you were getting out of it.

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#13

Azriel, that’s exactly why I put it on. I’ve been reading a post here about Kahn, and it led into EOG’s similarities and benefits. While reading it, I slowly realized I had barely touched EOG’s gift. Though it has foundational pieces in stage one, which I used months back, most of it was removing financially harmful habits and thinking. I realized I had shorted myself.

I ran it overnight last Friday, and then ran it most of Saturday. I used the pre-Q recording. And it excited something in me that pointed to something slowly piecing together; a life purpose.

I ran a second loop of my custom coming home from work, but there’s so much I’ve not experienced on EOG yet. I thought of this today, thinking about the future. I’m leaning strongly towards name embedding my regular stages vs. making a custom of them.

Do you have any experience on EOG yourself?

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#14

That sounds incredible, what your talking about is a top priority for me. Please keep updating how it is coming together for you.

I’ve experimented very haphazardly with stage 1 Alchemist and Stage 1 EOG.

On EOG Stage 1 I felt very high value but not in an Alpha way, in like a leadership way. I also had a totally different sense of business, and work. Like less hang ups.

I will likely run EOG in full alongside Emperor Starting in December or January.

Stage 1 Alchemist started to provide life purpose direction as well.

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#15

:slight_smile: I gave thought to looping St2 all night, but my 2nd custom loop was enough. (Not desiring reconciliation). I may start looping it tomorrow. Maybe.

Blue Skies has been active along these lines. I realized after reading the Blue Skies description that, like EOG st2, it’s been making me very aware of beliefs and habits I’ve had which are not being true to me.

It began at work this morning. I’ve been very productive running one route, and I became very aware I’d been pushing myself with fear. It really got my attention, and I changed pace, going a bit slower.

In short, it emotionally hurts trying to not be myself. This custom is effectively changing and challenging me hour by hour.

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#16

I haven’t been sure what to write, for days. I’m questioning myself constantly, and sometimes I get answers which are easier to take. In short, my first response, to myself or others, is a well-rehearsed, not so honest portrayal of a fantasy life. I haven’t written since I wanted to write in that mode, when honestly, I’ve been quite unsure of myself. And writing here helps me see it better. Writing helps me process it more.

One good thing that did surface was a drawing towards personal responsibility in my life. A day or 2 before receiving my custom, I became aware of a lot of my inner uncomfortableness. Somehow, it clicked that I wasn’t happy since I’d been modeled a lack of personal responsibility growing up, and I’ve been acting that out all my life. Something pulled right towards that once I began my custom.

I take this seriously because not being responsible for myself or my direction leads me to be very whiny, though I don’t verbalize it all the time. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what I do when being irresponsible for myself. I’ll believe the self-accusations, I’ll believe other’s opinions about myself, and feeling like a failure, I’ll believe that failing/fucking up/sabotaging myself is THE route I’m supposed to go.

Fuck that. I’m living a life. I fuck up some each day. … and I did something different today. I actually did not check for some needed parts before making some deliveries today. I did the rest of my route which did not require the parts, and when my supervisor called about something, I easily shared I’d fucked up. He began a “lesson” on what I should do next time…and I interrupted him 10 seconds in asking if he could skip the lesson (we all know what SHOULD be done), and I wanted to know why he called. It went smoothly, and I believe he treated me with more respect when I returned to the shop. He spoke with a confidence that I knew my job. I’d simply overlooked something.

Been listening to Elixer Ultima while writing. I don’t have a picture of what it’s doing, but I am a bit calmer now. I assumed I’d come here and paint a partial lie. Fuck that. Living like that sucks. I’m tired of doing that.

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#17

This is different :slight_smile:

I woke up later this morning, and am still in bed. I’d had my meeting with the startup mastermind guy (I’ve nicknamed him Einstein here) last night, and something is allowing me to push towards my own passions and dreams.

I didn’t listen to subs before the meeting, but when I arrived home, I put on LD masked (preQ) and looped it all night. I got up and put on my custom, and some old, good feelings and thoughts came forward. I’ll take a moment and give details of the last 24 hours to make sense of where I’m at.

The guy I met is a rare genius. He’s a pure scientist at heart, and shared with his wife present that they’ve both began numerous businesses over the years. But what struck me was his personal freedom to create ideas and know how to move forward with them. Creativity abounds in him, and I shared his home decor caught my attention: gadgets, gizmos, and paintings, all with different messages, but reinforcing the message “why not create?” And I’ve never personally known someone who did weekly podcasts on YT. They’ll talk about anything on it.

And for me this morning, something piqued in me while listening to my custom. I’d been reading reactions to my post in the Q module requests, and I went digging in the Q wealth modules. I even went to the programs page and pulled up Mogul to look it over.

Where I’m going is that in the last 2-3 years, I got into a wealth creation mindset, and it gave me purpose. I presently work in a glorified labor position, which I’m good at, but the mindset I’ve carried into it has inspired me to keep going. My eyes most days were focused on the me people couldn’t see who is wealthy, productive, and loving living out his dream.

And while listening to my custom, I remembered an information product I’d purchased a year ago and I’d not fully used. It’s a set of interviews with some famous, successful leaders in finance and business…and I wanted to utilize it. So, I pulled it up. Garrett Gunderson’s the first speaker, and he first spoke of the unfair mistruths about money, pointing to us being mislead left and right with our finances.

And this is what I used to swim in. Telling the truths about money, for myself, and also for others. It feels great stepping in. Positive feelings and thoughts all around.

I’ll add one more relevant wealth thought from last night’s meeting. The guy I met with grew up around lots of Japanese people and their culture. (he’s got 20 years of martial arts training). While talking about wealth, he reminded me of a cultural truth. We in the USA are culturally young and cocky about our success, but we’ve not had recent major losses and reasons to question our financial aims. He pointed out most countries have been around for millennia, and ALL have experienced major losses. In Asian culture, they’re trained to look at what helps the community first, then themselves. Here in the US, we’ve just not lost our asses yet, so we’re heavily in the pride stage, basking and gloating in our gains. His leaning, and why I’ve been drawn to this endeavor, is to help our communities. We’ll do fine financially, but his eyes are on his friends and associates who are feeling the pain of recent financial losses. That’s something worth mentioning. I’m glad I’m hooking up with these guys.

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#18

Been reading the LDU discussion thread, so now I’m running a loop of it. LD is opening me up nicely. Not sure how to verbalize it, but I feel relaxed. Less fearful.

I’ll bring something up which I’ve written of before. I’ve kept my eye on it, and I’m seeing it come up again. It’s the poor-me, victim mentality. Why do I do this?

Because growing up, I had a brother who would “rescue” me from most things young boys face. He even would take a punishment for me from my mom. He did the protector role well.

Then he grew up, rebelled, got outcast by my mom, and we parted for years. That was a sad time in my life since I’d not spoken up for myself…almost never since we were always together. I withdrew majorly. Running LDU on headphones now, I feel a little sad. I didn’t grieve, didn’t talk about it (noone was available), so I withdrew from people. Mental fantasy worlds were built.

Why am I talking about this?

I had to think for a moment, and one thing I’d written in prior posts was me not taking personal responsibility in my life. I’ve had this mental chatter saying “if I stand on my own two feet, I’ll be ALONE. I will not allow myself to feel abandoned again”.

A fear of pain is big in me, or has been in me. Which is why I’ve avoided it. Wow…just thought of something…Blame. My biggest source of internal pain is me blaming myself when things go bad. Self-blame is the razor which quietly cuts me. I do this about every day, in big and small ways. This has been my emotional and mental “norm”.

Will play this full loop and let it move in me. Shed some tears while writing. I might return later to report.

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#19

Stay strong @subliminalguy !

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#20

Thanks @pacman. LDU is digging deeper than expected.

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