Feeling a little lost, a little doubtful, a little confused.
I was on go-go-go mode for the last 4 years of my life, now I find myself wanting to pause and just stabilize a little bit. But I am also frustrated with the idea of pausing, because it feels like I shouldn’t. I need to keep going, because of how I feel about my wasted 20s and how I feel like I need to work overtime to ensure my 30s are as optimal as possible.
I still want to maximize my youth, but I feel…unbalanced. I don’t know how to describe it, I’ve never felt this way before. It’s not apathy, it’s not hopelessness, but those seem like the closest words I can use to describe everything right now.
All of this just feels so hollow. Suavemente is great, makes me popular and the life of the party and yet it feels a bit pointless. Good has improved my career prospects significantly for 2025 and yet, it doesn’t feel like enough but at the same time I don’t really want more.
I paused EOG1 for a bit but the feeling it’s given me to make more money is still there, and the boldness to approach the idea of making more money is there as well. And yet, it all comes back to the same thing: what is this all for?
How do I find out how to be happy?
Shit, there’s a subliminal for that now; and it’s free.
I blame it on the 15 minute loop of RoS I ran an hour ago.