Custom HoT + Seductress

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

Getting my new journal prepped for this stack. HoT Custom + Seductress.

Decided to try this without RoM and see how it goes so I’m running a more tightly focused two stack routine.

Custom HoT

Symmetry: Helen of Troy Core
New Physical Shifting Experience Core
Synergy: Carpe Vitam
Synergy: Harmonic Conflux
Synergy: Subconscious Mastery
Safety Net
Untouchable
New Dawn
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
Homeostasis
Unlimiter
Mosaic

I just realized it’s been a while since I’ve run any sort of foundational comprehensive sub. Last one I ran was Genesis but it put me in my usual existential headspace.

Right now I really don’t have any lofty goals, I actually feel like they’re pretty basic.

  • Get a good job, one that respects me and my time and pays well
  • Write more music
  • Be more confident, stop responding to past triggers so I can assert boundaries better
  • Improve my sense of style and get more comfortable with expressing myself
  • Get more comfortable spending money on myself whether that be self care or clothing, I encounter so much guilt doing these nice things for myself
  • Feel better in my body and stop criticizing my appearance all the time
  • Become more attractive
  • Move into a state of mind where I feel like I have more power and I’m not just being thrown around by circumstances of life trying to survive.

My life has been rough lately, it’ll be nice to run a sub that’s more broad in its scope.

5 Likes
#2

@RVconsultant

Are you afraid to relax?

Just wanted to answer this question. Yes I am or some part of me is. So if I do engage in deeper relaxation I have to be more mindful of how I go about it. Sanguine might have had too much centering around calm and peace which are anxiety triggers for me.

#3

That is a quite a paradox. You know you need to relax, yet relaxing makes you tense.

Journal now closing. See you on the other journal!

#4
#5
#6

My apologies.

Now which one did you want me to close?

To make sure I get the right one, would you please post a link to it?

1 Like
#7

Thank you! You’re good you actually already closed it so it’s all set

1 Like
#8

My friend came over the other day and we went through my closet. Basically confirming what I already knew, I don’t have a lot of clothes. Haven’t even run Seductress yet so that was a weird manifestation.

But clothing isn’t fun for me. It’s anxiety inducing. I wish it was fun. I hope Seductress can help me with that. I’m bent out of shape about it more than I thought I would be. But idk, I guess it hits on some points of trying to make myself invisible, self consciousness, and just overall feeling missing of “this is me, I like this”. Might be some perfectionism there and desire to look better, but not having near enough mental bandwidth to extend energy to that and feeling bad about that too.

1 Like
#9

Ran my stack this morning. I feel a little better. I realized that yeah big changes and personal style are intimidating but I don’t have to go crazy with it. It’s gonna be a learning process and that’s ok.

I’m still trying to find an apartment to move into. I just wish everything wasn’t so friggin expensive. I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong, but I think that’s just a reflection of out of touch people criticizing individuals who struggle. The bootstraps crew who refused to acknowledge systemic issues. The hot item was learning to code a few years ago, now that bubble has burst and people are being laid off and outsourced left and right, what are they gonna advertise next as the “you just need to be more marketable pivot to this career path instead”. Tech was the only thing I was reasonably good at, but I’m worried it’s collapsing in on itself.

1 Like
#10

Even though I only ran 30s of seductress this morning, it’s just nice knowing I’m building some level of foundational support in my mind. Idk it’s weird. I dropped the previous version of seductress at one point because I wanted to sort of start fresh with the new one. But looking back while I was running it I definitely felt more confident. It showed up in my body language and how I held myself too. Just more free to be in the moment being myself.

And I’m going to be honest in this journal because I really have nothing to hide. But part of my struggle as a trans woman has been accepting myself as a woman. It’s going to be a year next month since I started this journey. 1 year seems like a lot of time, but it’s really not. I’ve learned a lot about myself in that time. Enough to know there are aspects of me I still repress or am ashamed of. But they are just natural expressions of who I am, I just felt the need to hide them for years and pretend they weren’t real. I’m thankful there’s a dedicated sub to guide and nurture this inner part of me because I didn’t get the chance to grow and develop that over the years.

1 Like
#11

I realized this morning these subs are like non stop self generating value devices. It can just take a bit to find something to really lock into. The return on investment grows the longer you use them, not many things in life work that way.

For a bit I had a more goal oriented view of subs. Like it didn’t matter what you ran so long as you hit your goals. But I’m realizing there is immense value in running a sub long term and really giving the mind time to understand the script. Seductress is definitely something I will be exploring long term. I’m curious to see what grows out of it.

1 Like
#12

Hi @Fractal_Explorer
have you noticed anything from New Dawn module yet?

#13

Hi @Quill It’s slow moving but so far I was able to escape my toxic job and I’ve been seeing small opportunities to help me relocate to another state. It would probably be a lot more obvious if I didn’t have so many hangups right now. But I can say that it appears to be doing something.

2 Likes
#14

I guess this is seductress working on some deeper wounds for me.

Sometimes things just are. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out my life. After I started my transition things started getting a lot better. I had way more energy to focus in on the actual issues of my life. I’ve started feeling closer to myself and who I am.

At the same time I’ve had to grapple with some hard truths. The nature of what I’m going through. It’s so hard to understand that on a physical biological level, things don’t match up for me. And I can’t just say anymore that I know deep down who I am because I don’t. I don’t necessarily have a “female brain” although that’s a nice comforting thought some tell themselves.

But it’s ok. I’m gaining more confidence to stand by my decisions and life path without feeling the need to justify my existence to other people by pandering to what they feel would be a legitimate reason for what I’m doing. And that’s really the most important thing right now, just getting the chance to experience my life in a better way than I have for most of my life.

#15

Have you read:

The Female Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine

The Male Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine

#16

Nope! I’ll take a look

#17

I realized a lot of my recent focus on the biological stuff is basically just a dog whistle for people who want to invalidate my existence and experiences. I can be mindful of the science behind everything and still just live my life how I want. The thing that gets me is some people get upset because “I’m denying the truth and forcing them”. But what’s lacking is basic empathy.

I can feel these opinions as self harm inflicted on my body the more I debate them in my head. Fundamentally I’m still battling this feeling of innate wrongness that type of treatment triggers. I’m getting better, but I think I’m just really deconstructing deeper held beliefs about myself.

I’m doing my best not to be effected by what others think. But I wasn’t putting enough focus on what I think about myself first.

1 Like
#18

I’ve had more growth from Seductress in the past week than my last few months of running subs. I’m really digging into some really core stuff.

I’m planning on reworking my diet. Really start giving my body not just food, but nutritional stuff. I’ve been eating to survive lately and out of obligation. Quit caffeine altogether. The energy drink addiction needs to stop. I’ve found a pattern where anytime I start feeling emotionally vulnerable or slipping into a state where I need rest and self care I abuse my body with caffeine. And it’s a horrible cycle of that increase of cortisol that screws up my gut and digestion leading to further nutrition issues. I’m also going to start exercising again. I’ve really abandon myself self care wise but I want to change that. A lot of it was fueled by an inner dislike of myself. I didn’t feel like it was necessary to provide myself anything beyond the bare minimum and it felt like a chore if I did.

2 Likes
#19

The story that I heard was that the Bio-Tuner is based on a device that was used in the 1980s to help get rock stars off heroin. That’s the “head line”. Check out the OMNI magazine January 1983 article about the “black box”.

1 Like
#20

Yup I read about that. I’m taking a break with the biotuner for now since I’m doing neurofeedback and not sure how it effects it. But I’ll definitely be revisiting it again. I fell off my routine with it because I was doing it at night before I went to sleep so I’ll probably look into late afternoon sessions

1 Like