Same.
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I got a terrible yet really short-lived recon in the morning that brought me to the conclusion that it may be that recon stems from following the patterns that support the beliefs that are against the scripting. Following our coping mechanisms that prevent the scripting from the execution intensifies the reconciliation. Breaking out of those coping mechanisms and going against those “anti”-beliefs helps us reconcile with much less intensity. It’s just a simple theory that it’s yet to get tested.
edit:
I carried out some more experiments going against the scripting and I got recon (in the form of being irascible and a bit anxious) again… That’s interesting.
edit2:
The next day I did another experiment going against the scripting and I got recon again. I can assume that the theory I came up with has got confirmed. On top of that, if one tries to cope with recon activating mechanisms/beliefs that are against the scripting one gets into a reconciliation loop.
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The mindset my programming has instilled in my psyche seems to be so far-fetched from the life I lead that it causes a certain amount of discomfort that is not a form of recon, I think, but rather a sort of subliminal dissonance that, on one hand, motivates me to fill in the gap between both realities and make my dream come true but, on the other hand, it makes me a bit impatient, frustrated and sad.
My subconscious baseline has changed a lot and now, even when I get recon it’s so much less intensive than the recon I used to get and the symptoms are very mild yet still cause slight discomfort and the feeling of being off.
I feel some kind of subliminal apathy that could seem to be stonewalling if not for the fact that I see how much I’m changing on a daily basis. The main reason of the apathy may be just the fact that recently I’ve got really overworked intellectually/mentally whilst working on making my dream come true. The dream of becoming the “only” master of my life. I feel and I believe that it’s only a matter of time and rather sooner than later I will sit on the Throne of Bhaal and I’ll finally have all I need to transform in what I’m meant to be, change into the one the universe commands me to be.
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That’s exactly what Stark (and its module) has taught me and that’s the single most important trait it instilled in me.
There’s been some internal turmoil recently, probably, caused by some kind of recon that feels like driving a car on a bumpy road but my vision is clear and my determination adamant.
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The amount of internal growth I’ve been experiencing recently is so huge that doing anything vital against the scripting causes pangs of recon succumbing to which changes into not so nice an experience. Perhaps I need a longer break when it comes to my subliminal training and working towards my goals. I shall see how it goes for the next couple of days.
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I’ve been consumed by Symbiote (a perpetual reconciliation loop) for a couple of weeks now when it feels ubiquitous all around my psyche permeating through all of me, apart from my very soul. My “old” self has got consumed by Symbiote, yet the “new me” is still under its surface waiting till I get rid of Symbiote, free it up and let it breathe with its full chest. The power is mine, and I’ve decided to let Symbiote transform me even further before I get rid of it. There is no reason behind it but “pure greed.”
Edit:
The recon is slight, most of the time it’s like a delicate and soft mist entwining the peaks of my psyche and it gets easily dissipated by a mere wind blow (refocusing my mind or undertaking any task that requires of me more focus) yet it’s always lingering at my core and once given more attention it can kick in really fiercely yet it’s easy to manage.
Edit2:
When Symbiote steps away a bit, the execution gets more profound.
Edit3:
It’s like a constant war between the newly acquired selfperception and the memory of who I’ve been.
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Since I’ve left more room for the processing working much less than for the last five months the execution of the scripting is stronger and more profound. Although I feel slightly off due to the internal changes occurring in me, the external results have intensified. Namely, the level of attraction has increased significantly and my female students (14 y.o. lol) are more responsive to me and bolder in their words and actions. My dreams have got more intense as well, and a lot of reframing is their main theme. Another thing is, I’ve been pretty indifferent to women’s beauty for a couple of months but now it’s kicked in anew. I love my wife but I feel the desire to have other women again and that strange to me since I haven’t felt it for real for around 3 years as far as I remember.
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You mean you increased the exposure right?
No, I’ve been following the recommended pattern for five months, apart from doing washouts, that is. 
I’ve just stopped getting overworked, and thanks to that I got more energy to process and execute the scripting. I think that’s the secret behind micro-loop, that is, it helps you use more brain power to process and execute the scripting. Our energy level is the key and our intuition of it should be our main listening guide. That’s why next month I’ll be switching to listening to two subs only. Having more titles under your belt makes your training more difficult not only when it comes to your energy level but also intuiting your optimal exposure. In other words, it makes your training less effective, I believe.
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Ahaa, thank you.
For sure overexposure leads to drainage.
So you are basically stating that after skipping washouts, you have been getting more intense results.
Did you ever think that lower exposure gives you more recon than the longer loops?
I wouldn’t say it was overexposure in my case but a general brain overload caused by working too hard. But yes, overexposure is really taxing.
No, I didn’t say that. I haven’t done a washout for around five months just because I didn’t feel any need to do so, even though I was overworked most of the time.
I’ve never used micro loops but from what I read some people get more recon using them and that makes sense to me since with a lower exposure amount we have more brain power to process and execute scripting whilst when our brain is “clogged” due to being overexposed or just tired or just having more to process and execute due to a higher exposure amount then the processing and execution, therefore, recon as well, are less intense.
The final though is that the optimal solution is to adjust our exposure amount to our brain power and try to find a balance. If we underexpose we process and execute more swiftly, when overexposed we execute much slower but more profoundly but finding the right balance (which is a continuous process) can provide us with the benefits of both of the worlds.
Like today I see how much swifter my mind is processing and executing the scripting just because I haven’t got much work done for the last couple of days and I’m simply having more brain power to process and execute the scripting.
Another thing is something we all know, that is, taking action towards the goals of the scripting makes the processing and execution swifter and more profound whilst acting against it slows the whole process down and oftentimes leads to more intense recon.
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Recon is still lingering at my core but it’s really easy to manage, although I get easily triggered by my wife… Thanks to working less the processing and execution have sped up. It’s being manifested in my intensive dreams where the past “me” is getting reframed. I still feel a bit off from time to time but I can see how my baseline has improved… that is a lot!
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The processing has become so intense that it feels literally as if my mind was getting torn apart. The intensiveness and intensity of my dreams have never been so strong as well. Also that foreboding feeling that is the harbinger of major changes in me has been persisting for a couple of days now. I’ll be doing a washout next week and I may extend it to two weeks if I deemed that necessary.
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That was the last day of the exposure and now I’ll be doing a one-week washout. Anyhow, the execution has become more prominent recently since I had more brain power to process the scripting. It’s been really challenging to run such a demanding stack whilst working on achieving my goals really hard. However, the lesson has been learnt and I’m not going to fall into doing such a thing ever again, I understood that our brain power is vital when it comes to the processing, execution and recon and we need to invest it reasonably.
On another note, when it comes to the execution of Primal I literally walked and felt like Hulk today… and that inner calm was incomparable. Too bad I didn’t enjoy it in the past much due to being overloaded pretty much all the time but again, lesson learnt.
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It’s only the second day of my washout but last night I got a strong urge to run my next stack caused by the slight recon still lingering at my core. Today I feel more solid yet it hasn’t been resolved yet.
Last night I had a vivid dream related to reframing my past relationships where my “friends” scorned me just because they had needed to realize that they were wrong about me and I occurred to be something much more than they wanted me to be.
Last night at some point I told my wife on the phone that I didn’t really know what was happening with me and that I felt a stranger to myself although I had the same identity, life story and memories. That’s happened to me on ZP in the past. The first time when I was running one of the ZP prototypes but this time it was not based on my direct experience but introspection.
What’s interesting the old negative physiological and thinking patterns have been eradicated but I consciously evoke them as if I wanted to fill in the gap that left. They’re gone but it’s like I missed them and wanted to recreate them by evoking them so that I could “be complete again”. I believe that’s caused by the aforementioned recon that has been lingering at my core for a couple of weeks now.
Definitely, I need this washout.
The processing has become really intense and that sped up the metabolism hence increased my energy levels. Naturally, I’m executing scripting more profoundly although this process hasn’t unfolded completely yet. However, the recon is still palpable although it’s lost its intensity significantly.
I’m waking up 2-3 times per night and my dreams intensity and vividness is really high.
I’ve decided to take at least one more day off before I embark on my new journey with RoS and CFW since only today I feel internally solid and the level of recon has dropped to the minimum but I can still sense heavy processing occurring in my mind and powerful execution is taking place. Anyhow, I decided to create a journal in the Black Forum since it’s going to be a very spiritual journey into the very depths of my psyche. I didn’t set any time frame for that journey because I’m going to rely solely on my introspection and intuition. I also decided to switch to intuitive listening and dose the exposure in accordance with how I react to the scripting.
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