[Chosen/Stark] The Morning Star

Day#21

1x Phoibos
1x Tantric Lover

Since tomorrow Im on a washout. Not much to journal at the time.

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Im on my 3rd washout day and since last night I have a strong intuition and desire to revisit Alchemist one more time again. Only Im called to use Stage 1.
Im keeping my 2 customs and I´ll be adding Alchemist St1 to the stack.

ST1 – Pathfinder

The Pathfinder is the stage where you will dive deep into your spiritual purpose. It is the first step of many, where you will fully open your mind to the possibilities of the universe and start your journey.

The Pathfinder will help you with finding your spiritual purpose, the discipline that meshes the best with your spiritual predisposition as well as push you to re-evaluate your inner philosophy and refine it.

Alongside your discipline you will meet people and find yourself in situations that will help push you further on your spiritual path. It will remove all negative spiritual energy and instead surround you with energy that attracts positives in all areas of your life.

Finally, the Pathfinder is a powerful spiritual purifier, designed to purge your energetic structures from everything holding you back. You will also see improvements in your daily life and not just in your spiritual practices, since cleaning your energetic channels will also purify your negative thoughts and beliefs.

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What’s funny is that I wanted to run Alchemist a couple of days ago. That’s a strange coincidence. Maybe I was actually feeling what you needed to do lol.

AND finished a 3 day washout today!

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We always have those, dont we?

Maybe… just maybe you can give it a try! :wink:

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Sigh. I wish man but my stack’s full. Will do it right after my current stack.

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I hear you!

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New Cycle
Day #1

1x Alchemist St1
1x Phoibos

I listened very early in the morning then fell asleep for a while, Alchemist immediately gave me sex dreams and woke up with very high sexual energy and libido.

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I got Alchemist melancholy… not the first time it happens, a sense of void and directionless.
Its pure ego induced fear for not having everything under control.
I will enjoy the void and feeling aimless, instead of escaping the feeling by creating a grandiose goal.

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Oh thanks!

I was just wondering what I am experiencing, but that, for sure, is it.
The fight between the ego and consciousness :wink:

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Day#2
Last night I had such interesting dreams… the usual repetitive dreams, but this time I didnt engage. In a part of a dream I was going in an old elevator, usually this means the elevetor buttons dont work and the elevator goes crazy… this time I didnt get it.
I was going to use the subway, usually it doesnt stop at my station or leaves me in a weird, unknown place, this time I didnt get in.
There was people using drugs, usually I would take some, then feel guilty because its been so many years since I quit, this time I didnt take any.

Everything in the dreams is related to the Alchemist melancholy and my decision to just enjoy the ride instead of trying to escape it.

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You are welcome!

Usually when this happens I feel lost in the void, like I have no goals, no meaning, no purpose, nothing… like Im disappearing.
I get afraid and begin to plan something really big to feel important, a life goal, a purpose. Which I quickly forget when I feel good again.
This time Im surfing the void, Im fully experiencing the fear of having not acomplished all of what Im supposed to have acomplished at 46 years old.

Its a very primal fear… a fear of dying and being forgotten.

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A fight that my ego thinks it can win, a fight to control my life, feeling that ultimately knows the deep spititual meaning of existence, when all it knows is a program that says make money, buy things, be succesful.
Im kind of impressed that 1 loop of Alchemist st1 threw me inside such an inquiry

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The melancholy is fading away and a childlike joy is appearing from within.

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I’d say it’s an ego fear. The ego always seeks fame and being known. Your soul is fine with itself. It does not need these things, for it knows the external validation has no use (nothing wrong with getting it, but it shouldn’t be the driving force)

But I feel like you figured this out already:

Lovely!

I do also notice, ever since running Alchemist the moment when recon fades and I vibe high again. It’s very noticable now! Much more then before!

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I do remember exactly that from my last run of Alchemist. It raises vibration… now I wonder how it will intertwine with LBH, well with my customs in general.

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Day#3

1× Tantric Lover
1× Alchemist st1 (7 minutes)

I decided to listen 7 minutes only of Alchemist, because its hitting a bit too strong, yesterday I was picking fights with my girlfriend left and right, very sensitive.
In a way I felt justified to do so, but really theres plenty of better ways to communicate and relate to her and getting my point across.

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Me last week: Yes!! More healing is a good idea, its important! I should add Alchemist st1.

Me since yesterday: What the hell was I thinking… everything pisses me off.

Last couple of days Ive been very sensitive, but the overall experience has been very interesting. Im understanding deeper levels of reality, specially how I assume certain things to be true in the world and then expect the world to behave accordingly.
If the world behaves differently I get angry, afraid or sad.
This apply to me looking at the past, thinking about the future and also real time processing in the present.

Its not like this is something new, I know the mind works this way since a very long time. The difference is that now Im percieving the procces as its happening, not only on a logical way, but at the very core of it.

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I can also notice how I attempt to mantain my beliefs the same and fight reality to some extent.
This all became very obvious by looking at it in other people first… specially my girlfriend, so Ive been kind of reactive with her, because I projected my anger on her.

I feel this deeper understanding is key for powerful Alchemy.

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I think Alchemist is focusing this modules inwardly:

Awakened Perception
All-Seeing
Eagle Eye.

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