[Chosen/Stark] The Morning Star

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#261

“Lovers who only pursue the joys of visible flesh have never succeeded in becoming united, nor in loving each other. When they lie side by side in their beds, they are nevertheless far apart, separated by an impassable thread of air, by the sword of forgetfulness; because they will never dream the same dream. Each of them pursues his solitary road, without his companion. Only when lovers are capable of dreaming the same dream are they truly Lovers. When they love one another in their dreams.”

Miguel Serrano.

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#262

I think the waters are settling down, I hope its not the calm before the storm :rofl::rofl:

This run of Emperor has been smooth so far, it must be the anti-recon scripting and the balancing, the last time I used Emperor was somewhere around February or March… it was tough.

My plan for next cycle at the moment is a simple stack with both my customs… Phoibos and Tantric Lover. There still 2½ weeks till then and a LOT can happen, so lets focus in the present.

I feel Sexuality and Love healing is fundamental for a life filled with balance, peace, love and hapiness. Having Heartsong, LBH, Diamond and Aphrodite all in a custom was a great decision, that has a lot to give and so much room to grow.

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#263

This almost sounds like a commercial…

Sex… the ultimate recon-buster… available while supplies last.

:rofl: I think this is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.

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#264

But… did he?

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#265

Day#11

Tantric Lover
Emperor
Ascension Chamber

Feeling pretty good considering the hungover I had yesterday from saturday night.

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#266

For a week Ive been feeling a lot of lower back pain, today flashes of guilt.
I became aware of how when I feel guilty about something its really hard for me to accept and I have the tendency to find someone to blame, for just about anything so I can displace the load. Fortunately being aware of that is what opens the doors for me to accept my responsability and change things.

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#267

I feel a lot of emotional movement inside, specially manifesting in my heart center. Like theres some intense processing going on.
Seems like a good idea to do some exploration later tonight when theres darkness and silence.
It feels like a breakthrough about to be born.

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#268

Ive been hyper sensitve to what I dont like… apparently its a way recon hits me.
I can recognize that this form of recon is now way softer than what it used to.
Specifically Im easily bothered by what I consider other peoples flaws. Of course I dont have any flaws, not me you know.

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#269

I can feel 2 things happening at the same time, the first is that Im feeling very needy and insecure; the second is Im accumulating lots of sexual frustration.

Aphrodite Time!

As I write this I realize that Im also emotionally isolating. Wanting for things to just disappeared… this should be fun.:unamused:

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#270

“THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!”

Hang in there!

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#271

It happened again… I was about to write a long post about how much of a dreadful recon I had and right before I reach for my phone my girfriend initiated.
I was 0% into it, but I remembered how it dissolved my recon last time and went right for it. Now I feel very good.
P.S. No ejaculation though… I gotta preserve that energy for other purposes.

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#272

Anyways… what I was about to write is that I was in a state that I consider my oldest trauma… Inside my head and 100% isolated from the world… I remember doing this as a small kid to “run away” from the pain and my parents fights.
I was so good at hidding inside my head and disconnecting my perceptions of the world that my parents took me to various doctors thinking that I had hearing problems and what not.

Now I have the key for ultimate healing.

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#273

Thanks bro! Im already kicking ass😆

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#274

It became clear to me that I only chose to add Emperor to my stack cause of fear… Im not longer afraid so I dont have a need for Emperor. I dont want to run it anymore it doesnt really fit me.

Today I started doing my 2 customs… just that for now. Phoibos and Tantric Lover, Im gonna keep doing that for a while.

First impression… I was melting in pleassurable feelings ehile listening… puoring from my chest to my whole body. The fell into a profound sleep and had some weird dreams. I am now very emotional, I jump from one emotion to the next, at the same time I have deep levelas of awareness of my thought patterns, how I create my emotions… and from where it all comes from.

Im also not fighting any ot this, Im perfectly capable of fully living it and observing it at the same time. It doesnt have the edge and intensity that it used to have either.

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#275

Oh I feel amazing!! I missed Phoibos its quite spectacular.

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#276

Wow… Now I feel stoned and I have to go out, great! the day is awesome to be on the streets feeling like this.

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#277

Damn… Aphrodite is tough! Feelings of frustration, scarcity, anger, all bursting inside.
Guilt and shame building up… looking at everything I did wrong, looking at every thing wrong done to me.

Im seeing the ugly, dirty side of sexuality. I feel disgusted by sex… I feel disgusted of myself. Feeling weak for every stupid thing I ever did, all the crap I accepted just to have someone to have sex with.
Sick at how incredibly manipulated/tive I was, how much power I gave to sex.

Growing up I sold my integrity, I threw away my values just for a little validation.

I have walked a long path to get to were Im now, not without causing some havoc along the way.

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#278

I had a profound emotional release… waves of shame leaving my body and while this happened, I saw images of my childhood that allowed me to understand how I came to be ashamed of myself, my body, my sexuality.

I feel a lot lighter… Im gonna watch something in youtube to have some fun for a while, then Im going to sleep.

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#279

Did this in the past with Primal and other sexual subs. I added them because I feared losing the (sexual) relationship with my wife if I only focus on love and spirituality.

Took me a while to see the weakness in that.

Glad you found the same truth!

What I realized from my recent Alchemist ZP runs is, that I really only need to improve my spiritual/magickal skills and that will solve all other issues also.

I know people are a bit weird on magick sometimes, but creating a servitor, and operating from love will likely solve all your women issues anyway.

Or that’s just me.
I’ll still get the Tantra custom for good measure, lol

Emotions unfettered? :wink:

I am somewhat hesitant to add Aphrodite to the custom, but reading this it also seems to be SUPER powerful to work through all this once you reach the end of the tunnel :ocean:

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#280

I was ready to fight you on this one as soon as I read it, but I distrusted my intense emotional response to your words. After some thought I realized you are right. It wasnt about not having money, it was about the consequences I foreseen about that.

No money–> no longer atractive as a man–>less sex–> end of relationship.

I know… a little dramatic, but thats what it was.

I agree with this… at this moment of my life all of my Magickal Work is centered around Healthy expression of the Heart/Love and a Healthy expression of Sexual Energy.

Thats my plan :grin: I might send you a PM about the servitor thing.

After last night I did some more digging and found some very interesting patterns. My usual plan of self hypnosis did the trick.
This morning I noticed how much I was overcomplicating things, how much of a game I was playing, ultimately how much tension and worry I was adding to my life and my girlfriend’s.
My opinion of Aphrodite… it makes your trauma visible in the foreground… it makes it obvious and gives you no choice, but to face your demons while having the certainty that you will go through the darkness and come out the other side of the tunnel stronger and happier and wiser.

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