Now Im listening to Emperor just after finishing Tantric Lover and Im already having a craving for more out of life.
Its day 5 of this new cycle and what I can say is I feel a lot of build up, a lot of push to grow.
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For now what Ive noticed on Emperor, considering Im only 3 loops in, is a more relaxed attitude and increased confidence that Im gonna do what I need to do in order to achieve what I want. Yet sometimes I feel a little afraid that Im not gonna be motivated to take action considering my hystory of not having a lot of ambition and self trust.
This time the journey is about accepting that Im good at what I do and that I deserve to make lots of money doing it. Accepting that what I have is worthy enough to be spread to others.
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How are you liking the combination of these 3 modules?
And Stress Displacement
Stress Displacement
As soon as I started my custom I had some very bad news related to my financial security and projects. Im not gonna lie it did stress me a lot, but the time it took me to move from fear/stress to calm and resolve mode was very short. Specially considering the size of the issue.
Energetic Development XI
The Architect
Fusion Optimized
There is a push towards growing and resolving and somehow I always seem to have a bit of extra energy to go about, even when Im supposed to be tired, theres an extra reserve.
I feel I got more mental/emotional fuel. Im more motivated and active.
Last night I did a meditation after a really long time without practice and the amount of energy I could percieve and move through my body was very abundant and strong.
My overall attitude towards getting things done and conflict resolving is way better… and it feels like it almost doesnt require too much energy… theres a lot less feeling worn out.
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My attitude towards “problems” is shifting very quickly… Im more in a resolution mode.
Also a fear I had that was affecting me disappeared, I was holding fears towards woman specially manifesting with my girlfriend and my mother, but today its pretty obvious to me after talking with both of them many times over the last week, that Im waaaay more relaxed and I dont feel afraid of expressing myself.
Im beginning to see a huge Sun at the end of the tunnel and Im exited about what the future holds.
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That’s profound, I think it is a great combination of modules.
Yeah I felt that too when designing my custom and now its proving itself true.
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Already day 7 of this new cycle, time flies so quickly!
I just listened to Emperor and my Tantric Lover custom, while reading the module list and a resumed version of the module description to help my mind be more aware of whats changing and growing.
Now I know that thanks to @Malkuth Im not alone in this crazy behaviour 
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I was exercising this morning and I felt a deep wave of sadness/loneliness… I thought for a while I might need to do some self hypnosis afterwards. After a while I began to feel anger and quite the opposite of the effects of LBH and Heartsong… then it faded away.
Now Im feeling in a pretty good mood, fun and extroverted.
It seems like I was processing emotions and liberating them.
Oh I remember… when I woke up after some minutes of listening my stack I began to feel anger and disconnection towards my girlfriend and pesimism towards myself. None of those things are present now. Except a little tendency to be passive agresive to her. Now that I write about it I feel stupid, but stupid in a very funny way… Im sitting in front of my laptop with a grin on my face reviewing my behaviour.
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Contrary of what I would have expected the sexual aspects of Tantric Lover are quite in the background, subtly. They dont take mind resources if they are not needed which is great.
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Somehow I forgot I have Ascension Chamber 
going for a loop right away.
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Wow!! About 15 minutes after Ascension Chamber all the Love and Feel Good from Tantric Lover went into overdrive…
Now Im feeling really good!!!
Hum… I wonder how would this affect the sexual modules
I guess Im gonna go find out.
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“The art of the sly man is to make no contest. But simply to leave. ….Without one word.”
Alan Watts
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What a quote man!! I love the talk so much I listened to it again, specially the part about the ego.
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Im in healing mode again… I have a bittersweet feeling of longing of past experiences, while at the same time some pain from what hurted me.
Some thoughts about if the future will ever be different and the fact that Im 2 months shy of being 47 years old doesnt help.
I find myself in a sentimental mood thinking if I died today… was it worth it? Did I acomplished something of any importance?
Of course if I answer those questions rationally the answer is positive, but the feeling is one of insignificance.
Im afraid of not being a good son, not making my parents proud of me. My dad is getting older and his mortality is getting very obvious for me, I see him old and tired and Im incapable of giving him what he deserves.
I feel I owe him so much and I would never be capable of paying him back.
I dont know how I ended up talking about my dad… boy thats a heavy burden… he doesnt expect me to give nothing in return.
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I started writing my previous post thinking I was healing from Heartsong/LBfH and then when I got super emotional thinking about my dad I though again… maybe this is Emperor.
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Yeah I understand that bro. Parents are always tough subjects for us. And fathers an especially difficult one for sons. In some way we are made in their image.
On the bright side the fact that you care for him is a good sign. And that he has provided for you is also a blessing.
Not an easy thing to talk about I know. Oh god do I know.
Just felt like being in solidarity with your thoughts on the matter.
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Thanks bro!! I feel your solidarity and it means a lot!
Yes its a blessing and I need to be more grateful.
Taking the first step is the hardest, now I feel that the door is opened and that things are getting sorted.
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I woke up a while ago and my mind is still looking for things to heal… this time its obviously Heartsong and Aphrodite in action.
I had this distressing dream about my girlfriend… sex, infidelity, lying, disloyalty, fighting… the whole thing. The most disturbing of all was that at the peak of the conflict she wasnt my actual girlfriend anymore, but my first one. My first girlfriend was a complete mess, as I was too… that could easily be used as an example of toxic relationships.
I woke up with the feeling that I need to forgive her… so I dont project those awful experiences and insecurities into my current relationship.
Now Im doing exactly that… forgiving and letting go.
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