I did some excercise today and my mood improved a lot, but it was hard to excercise… did a little bit of my whole routine and I felt like I was riding an iron bicycle uphill.
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Last night I engaged in a very long and profound alchemical process. I used music to trigger the emotions and a very simple yet powerful energy breathing technique to do the emotional transmutation, till I achieved complete emotional release and liberation.
I spent about 90 minutes doing this and I selected music that I used to avoid listening because it made me feel sad, guilty, melancholic, that I loss something, that things used to be better.
I released so much negativity I was impressed about how much I was holding on to… during the process so many memories arised, I cried with some of them. About half way into every song I was relieved, feeling lighter, in some of them even laughing.
Most of the music was associated with past relationships, ex girfriends, but deeper than that it was about love, lost love, even deeper it was the inability to have in real life the kind of idealistic, perfect love I was holding in my mind as an end goal to be fulfilled.
The tendency to over romanticize what I had and compare it with a somehow water down version of what I actually have, which ended up causing not only a feeling of loss, but worst… a feeling of hopelessness.
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I sometimes use this method to prime my mind for better absorption of subs during meditation. But instead of me choosing music, it’s the music comes to me instead.
I too tend to over romanticizing things that no within reach be things exist in the past or imagination in the future, and this leads to dissatisfaction.
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Yes I see what you mean and I could easily argue that yesterday the music came to me… I was trying to fall asleep, but I kept hearing this song in my head.
After listening to a couple of songs that came spontanoeusly, I did engage in some conscious choosing of some songs, always checking if they trigger the desired emotion.
Thats a very unhealthy pattern to have, fortunately being aware of it is the first step necessary to change… Today I feel way more appreciative of what I have… more present, not caring much about the past or what could happen in the future.
Lets see how things evolve.
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Well the emotional turmoil is over, at this very moment Im blissing out!! ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
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Starting tomorrow:
Paragon
Paragon Sleep
Tantric Lover
- Cores:
Heartsong
Love Bomb for Humanity
Diamond
- Energetics/Connection:
Energetic Development XI
The Architect
Fusion Optimized
Emotions Unfettered
Stress Displacement
Soul Connection
Love Without Attachment
Aphrodite
- Sexuality/Seduction:
Temptation
Sexual Manifestation
Sexiness Unbound
Instant Spark
Gorgeous Manifestor
Focused Arousal
Panther
Charisma & Flirting Automatic Mentor
- Physical Shifting:
Physicality Shifter – Sexiness
Unless I change my mind tonight, this is my next cycle stack.
Im gonna take a rest from Phoibos [Chosen/Stark] to let it bloom for a while.
I would love to jump to Godlike Masculinity and Emperor Fitness, but I need to take care of my body in other ways first.
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Also having Paragon Sleep, Aphrodite, Heartsong, LBH, Im certain Im gonna have the most bizarre healing dreams.
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What. Have. You. Done… in a good way, of course… 
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Im about to find out what kind of powers Ive conjured
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I did my first loop of my new stack.
Tantric Lover (15 Minutes)
Paragon (7:30 Minutes)
Paragon Sleep (7:30 Minutes)
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First impression…
Heartsong, LBH and Diamond blend together in quite a unique and beautiful way.
It makes me feel as Im pure love that can express itself many ways… Sexuality is a profound expresion of a higher, deeper connection.
Sexual Manifestation, Temptation and Soul Connection kicked in almost instantly.
It shifted what started (on my side) as mechanical sex into a soft, intimate love making. It had a different quality to it… She had one of the longest orgasms she ever had and I was contemplating such an amazing gift of love with all of my senses focused into taking that experience in.
Emotions Unfettered turned what could have been a pretty nasty recon into fuel for self understanding of a behaviour pattern.
It helped understand how I get frustrated when things change in a way I feel is undesirable, but its only a change in the plan that could and many times does change for the better (and for good reasons). In other words “You dont get to decide over others”.
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You were right about Emotions Unfettered 
it really is a Good Choice!
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I might take this into a new Journal.
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OMG - Orgasmic My Goddess
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Well fuck!!
Change of plans, with the girlfriend we recieved pretty bad news. Our plans of economic growth vanished and now we can barely make it for the next 2 months, with minimal expenses.
As pissed off as I am, I feel hopeless like nothing will ever make any difference. I have to find the strenght to move on.
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Two things happened today, the first wasnt a big thing, but it shattered my self-steem and filled me up with self doubt. I started questioning who I think I am… The veil began to open.
The second thing crashed my ego and ended up tearing apart my self concept. Life just showed me the difference between my self-image and reality, the veil was fully opened.
I was drowning in fear, anger and uncertainty.
I uncovered a deep fear of dying and a pretty strong fear of being myself, of expressing my true power.
Many things are becoming clear about my life.
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In response to all of the above I changed my stack, from now on is Tantric Lover and Emperor.
2 titles that embrace all my needs at the moment.
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Tough man I have in my life a fair share of shattering incidents and events I know the scared and in my case reduced me to a hopeless little kid feelings.
But You got us. And Emperor is a reliable companion for going through storms. Hang in there you’ve got this.
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Thanks bro!! I really appreciate this. I feel theres no option though… the only option is to go through the storm and arrive to the other side.
Surely Emperor will help.
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Stay strong brother. I’m also in a dark place right now, bombarded with external stresses and internal turmoil. Looking for glimpses and embers of inspiration and hope. We’ll get through this.
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